Coma White
by hotlyinfatuated
Summary: Everything was placid until her world turned upside down.
1. Chapter 1

"Bella!"

I turned to see Jessica Stanley walking at a fast pace towards me, her curly brown hair bouncing around her shoulders as she moved. Her face was alight with the excitement and determination that only gossip brought her. I recognized it all too easily.

I groaned quietly as I stopped and faced her, giving Jessica the best approximation of a smile I could manage this early in the morning. It didn't seem to dull her enthusiasm, however. In fact, she seemed undeterred by my less-than-joyous mood as she stood before me, almost bouncing on her toes.

"Bella how was your summer? Did you do much?"

Jessica was one of those people who were always peppy, no matter the situation. She loved to gossip, talk about boys, do her makeup, and giggle incessantly.

Sometimes I wondered if she put it on a bit, or if she was genuinely like that. I hoped for her sake that it was the former, because she was a walking cliché.

"Good, thanks, and yours? Umm, no not really, just hung out with Jake, like, every day…"

I trailed off when I caught a glimpse of her face, disapproval written all over it.

Jake was my boyfriend. We had been dating for two years; our close friendship had progressed into something more. Charlie and Billy our fathers had been best friends for years, so naturally, Jake and I had been forced together for the sake of their friendship, and we had bonded. Jake possessed the gift of being tall, russet skin and dark hair and eyes.

I also had dark eyes and dark hair, but that was where the similarities between me and Jake ended. I was slender and soft and pale, while he was tanned and big, like a giant, and insanely muscled. I had to crane my neck to look up at him.

"Bella, why are you still with him? I mean, you haven't even slept together yet, and you've been dating-"

Jessica's extremely loud voice was cut off by my quick shushing. I glanced around immediately to see if anyone had heard, my face as red as a tomato. Luckily, no one seemed to be listening in, all focused on their own conversations and their own lives.

Kind of how I wish Jessica would be.

"Yes, I know we haven't had sex yet," I whispered quickly, wanting to strangle her, "because I want to wait. And he hasn't pressured me. Isn't that demonstrative of what a good boyfriend he is?"

She eyed me skeptically.

"Bella, you've been dating for two years and you're still a virgin. And you're seventeen. If your 'not ready' by now, I don't think you ever will be. At least, not with him."

I looked down at the ground, unsure how to continue the conversation after her words. However, Jessica saved me by talking fast.

"So, anyway, back to what I came over here for. I have gossip!" She sang it in a tantalizing way, like it was the most important thing on earth.

Actually, to her, it probably was.

I was just thankful to have steered the conversation away from my sex life, or lack thereof, so I encouraged her eagerly. "Really? What is it?"

She looked pointedly around at the empty corridor, looking for people who would listen in. I just laughed. It was pointless of her to try to keep gossip to herself. We lived in Forks, Washington; the smallest town on the Olympic Peninsula. What could the adults who lived here do in their spare time if not gossip and spread malicious rumors?

And the teenagers were no better. In fact, I'd say they were worse. I wouldn't be surprised if students had recording devices stashed at convenient locales around the school.

"Okay, well, apparently – Lauren told me this so I don't really know how much truth is in it – but, anyway, two new kids are starting today. They just transferred from like some snowy place – maybe Alaska? – and – I haven't seen them myself yet – but, apparently, there like totally gorgeous! Like, I mean, supermodel gorgeous!"

"Really?" I asked. Curiosity, always my downfall, was beginning to form in me.

I wondered what was requisite for 'supermodel gorgeous'? Tall, blonde; with long limbs and tanned figures? Outrageous flashy clothes; little poodle that could fit into a handbag? Artificial attitude, dumb as rocks?

I sighed heavily as I realized that last description was most likely what we would be in for. If they looked like supermodels, they probably acted like supermodels. They would fit right in with people like Jessica and Lauren, people who fawned over Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton, girls who are more stupid than 5 year olds.

Not people who would ever fit in with me.

My heart sank as I realized I had been enjoying the possibility of perhaps being able to get to know someone who wasn't quite so…plastic, as the rest of the high school population were here.

"What year are they in?" I asked, wearily now. I was already tired of this conversation and just wanted to get to class.

"Our year, I think. One of them's a really hot guy, as well." She looked pointedly at me.

I smiled wryly. There it is.

Jessica's angle in telling me this gossip was to try to get me to forget my downer boyfriend – her words, not mine – and go out with someone better. Someone to her specifications.

Someone like the new kid.

Jessica didn't like Jake for several reasons. She thought he was too sarcastic and didn't like his Quileute heritage and the fact that he never showed an interest in her. Jessica's feelings for Jake were mutual; he didn't like that she was such a gossip and thought that she took up too much of my time. I agreed with him on the gossip bit, but that was who she was; why try to change her?

I defended Jessica to Jake more often than I did Jake to her, mainly because Jessica was my only real friend in Forks, and also because I knew that it wouldn't make a difference what I said to Jessica about Jacob, she would stubbornly ignore me and hold onto her negative views of him.

"I'm not interested, Jess."

She just rolled her eyes and 'tsked'. Clearly, she wasn't going to give up that easily. I berated myself inwardly for even daring to hope for that.

"Come on, first period is missing us!"

I zoned out in Biology class; Mr Berty wasn't teaching anything I didn't already know anyway. I could never study in this class again and still get a 4.0 GPA.

Instead, I plugged in my iPod, and thought about Jake and what I wanted to do after senior year.

I was planning on applying to Dartmouth, getting a law degree and becoming a lawyer later on, after I had worked my way through school. It was sensible, not too far out there, and very simple. My dad approved of my strait-laced plan, and I was happy to make him happy.

I had always been responsible; living with my dad, I had naturally become accustomed to taking care of him and the house. I cooked and cleaned, got the grocery shopping and did the laundry. I did everything for my father. People looked upon me as Sensible Bella, the straight-laced, smart girl who would exceed in anything she wanted to do if she really worked hard for it. I was reliable, steady, the comfortable choice. I was polite and knew my place.

I was boring.

The only thing about me that wasn't straight-laced was my taste in music. I loved alternative bands and music. Everyone else crinkled their noses up and declared that they thought they were weird and odd-sounding, but I found solace in my different taste. It was the only thing that set me apart; that granted me freedom and solace. It was something that identified me as _me, _not the perfect, boring girl everyone believed I was.

I wouldn't give it up.

Jake didn't like my music. He was always badgering me to try some good ole' country music, but to be honest, I couldn't stand it. I didn't have the heart to tell him that, though. He had inherited his love of country from his father and was extremely sensitive about it.

I smiled as my favorite song came on: Teenage Angst, by Placebo. I turned up the volume so it could crash in my ears.

_Shine the headlight, straight into my eyes.  
>Like the roadkill, I'm paralysed.<br>You see through my disguise_

_At the drive-in, double feature,  
>pull the lever, break the fever<br>and say your last goodbyes._

I was singing along to the lyrics – under my breath, I thought – when everyone turned to look at me. I didn't realize I had been singing that loud. I turned the volume down, blushing crimson as I did so.

"I would appreciate it if you saved singing for lunchtime, Miss Swan," Mr Berty said tartly.

A few people snickered while some openly laughed. Some gave me sympathetic, I've-been-there smiles. I sank down lower in my seat.

Everyone would now spread the story that I was the weird girl, singing lyrics that didn't make sense to them because they didn't stop to think about what it meant.

It wasn't that I had anything against them personally, but I liked to keep my private life just that – _private._ I didn't appreciate people gawking at me and whispering about me, although it was almost impossible to stop.

The bell rang and I shuffled out of class, eager to get away before more people could stare at me.

Soon enough, it was lunchtime and I rushed to the cafeteria, eager to have a chance to sit down and relax before my afternoon classes. Only two more periods to go and I could escape home and start cooking dinner for my dad and Jake.

I sat down at my regular table, saying hello to everyone before getting out my lunch.

"How was your weekend, Bella?" Mike asked. Mike was one of my few friends, and even though he followed me around a lot, which could be a tad annoying at times, at heart he was a good guy.

I didn't spend much time with my friends at school, though this year I had set a challenge to myself that I would be a lot more sociable. After all, I didn't have much time left with these people; I might as well see them as much as I could, while I still could.

"It was good. Jake came over and we just hang out. What did you get up to?"

Mike's face, which had fallen slightly when I mentioned Jake, perked back up when I demonstrated interest about his summer. He was about to answer me when Jessica interrupted him, her mouth hanging open in wonder.

"Oh my god," she almost screamed. Everyone looked at her in puzzlement, wondering what it was that had elicited such a strong reaction from her.

"Look at the new kids!" Jessica made a subtle waving motion towards the cafeteria doors and dropped her eyes down almost immediately, not wanting to be caught staring.

In unison, everyone at our table turned to look at what was so wondrous about the new arrivals.

I felt my mouth drop open in shock as I studied them, too amazed to look away.

They were devastatingly, inhumanly beautiful. Perfection that you knew existed somewhere out there but never expected to have the pleasure of seeing in your lifetime.

There was a boy and girl, holding hands and walking with quick steps through the lunchroom. They sat down at an empty table on the left of the cafeteria, far away from everyone else. The boy sat facing us while the girl sat looking at the window, her back towards the rest of the students. They were clearly aiming to be alone and not to attract attention. Well, they were wrong on that part, I thought wryly. They didn't acknowledge the hundreds of stares that were aimed their way.

The girl was tiny. Thin in the extreme, - so thin, in fact, that she could be anorexic - with small features and a pointy, elfin face. Her cheekbones looked like they could cut glass. She had deep black hair that was arranged into wild spikes that stuck out all around her head. When she turned to scan the cafeteria, I saw the color of her eyes: a disturbing indigo.

Her face held a slight smile and her eyes were amused, probably at some joke the boy with her had cracked, which drew my attention to him.

Mussy bronze colored hair that flopped into his eyes, partially obscuring one. He brushed it away with one unearthly pale white hand, displaying the same odd color that the girl with him did. He had a perfect aquiline nose, the structure of his face straight, perfect, angular, just like hers. He was…godlike. Perfect. Too pretty to be real.

They had faces that I never expected to see in Forks; painted, perhaps, by a master, as the faces of angels seemed a much more likely vision for these two. They both had the same unnaturally pale skin, and the same strange blue eyes. The two of them looked like they had stepped out of the most prestigious place in the world, despite the fact that they both had very dark shadows under their eyes, almost purple in color and reminding me of a bruise.

Jessica was right – they were both absolutely gorgeous.

But she was also wrong.

She had compared them to supermodels…these two teenagers were the very farthest thing from supermodel that you could get; as astoundingly beautiful as one, for sure, just in a different way.

At a glance, they looked fierce; deadly intelligent, coldly arrogant, and compellingly beautiful.

It was then that the boy's eyes flickered towards me and our gaze locked.

I wanted to look away, to not be caught in the embarrassing predicament of blatantly staring at a stranger, but it was impossible. His compelling purple eyes held my dark ones, and I found myself unable to tear my gaze away.

All time ceased to exist and I forgot where we were. I forgot that we were in a crowded lunchroom with hundreds of excitable, chatting students talking, and probably more than a few of them watching us. I forgot everything but the scorching heat of his eyes, sending shivers through me, making me want to pull back and push forward at the same time.

I could read hunger, lust, and a myriad of other emotions in his beautiful eyes. All I could see was his bright stare, compelling, controlling, almost…demanding and making me feel shaky, hot, like a coal fire was running through my veins and he was the cause, but at the same time the only one who could extinguish it…

"Bella. Bella. Hello, Bella?" Jessica was snapping her fingers in front of my face. I blinked and looked at her, dazed.

Using my peripheral vision I could see that the boy was turned towards the girl again, not looking at anything past her. A rush of feral disappointment rocked through me.

"Sorry, what?" As I looked around the table, I noticed everyone was staring at me.

She giggled. "You were staring at the Cullen kid. It was like you were in a trance. I had to call your name repeatedly."

Four heads nodded emphatically, agreeing with Jessica.

I only took in part of her sentence. "The Cullen kid?"

"Yeah."

She leaned towards me conspiratorially, as if she was about to tell me a secret.

"The Cullen family just moved here from Alaska, right, for sure. There's, umm…_five_, that's it, _five _kids in the family, and they're all adopted."

"Is that all you found out?"

My voice was casual as I questioned Jessica's expertise in knowing all the gossip. On my other side, Mike snickered.

Jessica's eyes flared and her hand flexed a little on the table but her face remained neutral. She was annoyed with me for suggesting she didn't know anything else about them, and for showing her up in front of Mike.

I knew already that I was going to pay for that later.

"Yes, there's more, don't worry. Edward and Alice – that's the kids over there," she pointed to the table where the Cullens were sitting, clearly not caring if they saw; "_They_ have just started their senior year, like us, and they are the youngest adopted kids in the family. There are three others that have been adopted before them, but they're college age and going to Dartmouth, I think…two more boys and a girl."

"Anything on the parents," I asked nonchalantly, as I unwrapped my sandwich.

It was weird, but I felt like I had to know everything about these two kids and their family, even the parents. I wanted to know their whole life story.

"Well, sort of…I found out that the father, well the adoptive father, used to be a doctor or something…but he lives at home now with his wife to help look after the kids, or something like that. It's a little sketchy."

Jessica shrugged her shoulders, picking up her yoghurt. It was clearly all I was going to get out of her.

"Oh," I said lamely.

I was watching Edward again, out of the corner of my eye. He wasn't focused singularly on Alice anymore, but was instead looking around the cafeteria, appraising it, as she had done earlier.

I wasn't sure, because I was using my peripheral vision, but I thought his eyes paused on me for a couple more seconds than was normal.

Lunch passed quickly, as it tended to do, and soon I was on my way to advanced Biology.

I had tried my hand at Chemistry last year, because my dad wanted me to, but I didn't end up liking it so I decided to switch to Mr Banner's class.

When I got to the classroom, Mr Banner was already there, putting people in seating charts. I hurried to his desk to find out whom I was sitting with. I hoped it wouldn't be Eric, last year I had gotten stuck with him as a partner in English and he had talked my ear off…

Bella Swan – Edward Cullen.

Well, that was interesting. I suppose I would get the chance to talk to him, see if he was smart, get to know him...maybe see if that bizarre heat flared up again.

I headed to my desk and sat down, wanting the day to be over.

Unfortunately – or fortunately, depending on how you looked at it – Mr Banner had decided that today we were just going over the syllabus and wasn't going to bother teaching us anything today, thus subjecting us to an hour of boredom. Tomorrow would be considered our first proper lesson.

It was fortunate because I could spend this time listening to my iPod, I thought as I pulled it out.

It hadn't escaped my notice that Edward Cullen hadn't arrived yet, so my semi formed plans of introducing myself and getting to know him were out the window. It was good to know I had a backup plan, in the form of Placebo waiting for me.

I had just flipped on a song of his I couldn't remember the name of and was enjoying the first guitar and drum riff when I saw shiny black dress shoes walking leisurely down the aisle towards me. I kept my head down and focused more intently on the song, trying to place it.

Even through the pounding beat, I heard the screech of the chair next to me being pulled back and I realized – the dress shoes belonged to him.

My head lurched sharply upwards, but I looked straight ahead, instead choosing to spy on him in my peripheral vision. His head was down, focusing on his notebook.

He wasn't paying any attention to Banner, in fact he was drawing in his notebook, seemingly absent minded.

I waited for the moment when he would talk to me, even glancing in his direction once or twice to prompt him, but he never spoke.

I sat there in disbelief, wondering why after he had looked at me like he did in the cafeteria; he didn't talk to me, or acknowledge my presence at all.

Not that I minded, it was just...weird.

When the bell finally rang, I was relieved. I gathered up my books, noticing that he had gotten up too, and was packing up.

I finally noticed his attire. He was wearing a black sweater that clung to his body, showing off his muscled chest, and faded blue jeans. His clothes were unmistakably designer, and no doubt cost more than I was worth.

I discreetly watched him until he left the classroom, disturbing grace in every movement he made. Only then did I realize I would be late for Gym. I shook my head, disoriented.

In Gym, Jessica bounded up to me.

"What was that in Biology, Bella?" She asked as she pulled her uniform on.

"You're in my Biology class?" I attempted to deflect her as I struggled with my uniform. I knew all too well she was in Biology with me – I had seen her throw impatient looks at me all lesson.

"Yes, I am in your Bio class, now out with it!" Jessica was not to be put off.

"You're sitting next to Edward Cullen!"

Pushing my sweater in my bag, I half-turned to roll my eyes at her. "Yes, I am."

"Well, Bella, next lesson you are going to talk to him. Don't think I didn't see you ignoring him all lesson."

She giggled before prancing out the door, throwing me a wink as she did so. My feeble protest of 'he was ignoring me' faded away when the door swung shut.

She was so annoyingly persistent sometimes.

I came out and immediately spotted Jessica, warming up. I walked over to her and joined in on the exercises. Today, we were playing basketball.

I tried not to cringe. There was no way I could participate.

Forty-five minutes later, I was panting and sitting on a bench at the side of the Gym, out of breath. I had knocked myself in the head with the ball and had been miraculously allowed to sit out. I gratefully accepted, which brought me to where I was now, waiting for the last bell to ring so I could go home.

It was in this state of mind that I noticed Alice Cullen was in my Gym class. I hadn't noticed her before; being too focused on not getting myself injured.

She was talented, passing and bouncing the ball perfectly when it was her turn, but she didn't actively seek out the ball. She stayed at the back of the court, not really paying attention to what was going on in the game. It intrigued me.

When the bell finally rang, Alice Cullen was the first one out.


	2. Chapter 2

The sky was beautiful; lit up with pinks, blues, oranges, and yellows, all complementing each other and swirling around in a pattern that made my breath catch.

I watched, captivated, as the light and colour of the sky slowly lightened from the darkness of night to the early beauty of the morning.

It was 4 am.

I always got up this early to watch this.

There was something amazing about seeing the sunrise that entranced me. Maybe it was because it was almost immediately eclipsed by the white clouds. Maybe it was because there was only a fleeting moment of beauty before it was suddenly hidden by the cloudy day that is regular for Forks.

I sighed, and let the curtain fall, hiding the beautiful image.

I had to have a shower, get dressed and then I had plans to see Jake before school.

It was a tradition that we had started years ago; Jake and I would start every second day of the new semester by going to La Push and sitting on the beach, then going to Pancake House for breakfast.

It was our way of kicking off the new school year, a way to celebrate the fact that we were one step closer to our senior year.

I checked my phone. Jake would be here in about…twenty minutes. If I rushed the shower…

Ten minutes later I was stepping out of the shower, dripping wet and shivering in a thin black towel. I shivered as I stumbled over to my phone, the burn of the hot water no longer keeping me warm.

4.20 AM.

I had spent around eight minutes; I had just enough time to get dressed and drag a comb through my hair if I hurried, but that was about it, I thought wryly as I hurried. Jake was certainly not the most patient man in the world.

I had just finished dragging my jeans on when I heard Jake's engine pull up. A small smile spread across my face at the sound.

Jake drove an old Ute; it was his father's before him and the only car his father had permitted him to have. Jake had always despised the Ute, dreaming and saving up for a Toyota, but secretly I preferred the Ute. I couldn't tell you why, but I had always loved it. Something about the black, the darkness that the paint implied, drew me in.

"Bells!" Jake boomed, appearing at my door and effectively bringing me out of my musing.

He bounded across the room and swept me up in a big hug, not seeming to mind the cold water droplets that flung desperately onto his shirt, creating dark patches.

I felt a laugh escape my throat at the familiarity of his over exuberance. "Hey, Jake."

"I missed you." He angled my head up, warm hands pressing on the skin under my chin, to look into his melting eyes. They were so different from –

No.

"I missed you too."

His lips were closer to mine now, and I shut my eyes tightly, anticipating what was to come. A second later his lips gently brushed mine, ever so slightly, warm and tender and totally mine. I felt myself warm into the kiss, slowly responding to his amorous mouth and easing my tongue into it. His tongue met mine and slowly massaged it with the tip, and then he slid his tongue back to glide over the inside of my lips, brushing against my teeth.

Jake's hands moved from my shoulder blades down to my waist, holding me against him. He moved one hand under my shirt, to my back, massaging in slow, lazy circles.

I felt the atmosphere begin to get heavy and I sighed, knowing I would have to end this soon.

As if Jacob had read my mind, he pulled away, grinning bitterly at me. He knew very well the boundaries I had set up.

"I'm sorry. I got carried away." 

"No problem," I responded. He had no idea how tight he wound me; sometimes…my body ached to throw him down and show him the passion he deserved.

I could never tell him that. My feelings of suppressed passion and need, if brought to light, would only encourage Jacob, pushing him to further the boundaries I had set up and making him cross the line.

And if he crossed the line...

I couldn't explain why I didn't want that. There really was no reason as to why not, logically. There was no one I was saving myself for, no issues that stopped me, no bad history, nothing.

But it was like my mind and my heart were holding me back, keeping me grounded, being rational and safe, weighing and analysing everything, and more often than not, actually killing the mood entirely.

Jake smiled at me understandingly.

I was lucky to have a person like him who understood how I felt about a physical relationship. It wasn't that I was a prude, I was just cautious. I had been raised to be responsible and although Jake loved that about me and never said anything to rebut my views, or convince me otherwise, I know he wished that sometimes I would just let loose.

I never told him, but I yearned for the same thing.

The difference between us was he thought I never would, while I wasn't sure.

"Come on, Bella, let's go."

I eagerly followed him out the door, grabbing my backpack and a granola bar as I went. We would eventually be filling our bodies with pancakes in a few hours at the Pancake House as per tradition, but I needed something to sustain me until we got there. After all, it was only 4.30 in the morning.

The drive to First Beach was short and full of chatter. We caught up about my week, his week, what we had been up to. The conversation was light, easy, comfortable to steer. When I was with Jake, I felt fine; sunny, happy, and complete. They were the best words I could come up with to sum up how I felt whenever I spent time with my boyfriend.

But I had always been yearning for more. Somewhere along the way, I had slowly come to realize that I wanted to push boundaries. I didn't want to be the designated driver, the go–to girl, the one known as always playing it safe.

That wasn't who I was, despite everything that concurred– my father, Jake, my own sense of responsibility to them. I knew, deep inside me, that I was wild, untamed. I just needed the right somebody to unleash it.

And deep down, I also knew that Jake wasn't the one to do that. It was a secret that I kept close to my heart, destined to be whispered only at the dead of night when I was the only one awake. Never to be breathed into anyone living's ears.

I wanted the real me to be known before I could fall into a pattern of being someone who I wasn't for the rest of my life.

It wasn't too long before Jake and I were sitting on the rocks, staring out at the turbulent ocean. When I commented on the rough conditions, Jake told me that a storm was clearly coming in later, judging by the choppiness and craziness of the waves.

I smiled at him, thinking how proud he was of his family and his heritage, how different he was from the boys that went to my school.

I knew that Jake took his home and heritage very seriously. Both his mother and father were Quileute, although his mother had died when he was young. He had the same russet silky skin, black shiny hair, and strong build that all of the Quileute Indian boys possessed.

There were lots of rules and tribe meetings with the Quileutes, and though I was never told anything about it – despite asking Jake repeatedly – I knew that Jake's father, Billy, and Harry Clearwater, another elder from the reservation who had a daughter my age, Leah Clearwater, were the joint chiefs of the Indian tribe.

"So, Bella how was your day yesterday? I forgot to ask you," Jake said to me, putting his arm around my shoulders.

I shrugged. It had mostly been the same: greetings from teachers, students, explanations of the year's events…

"Long."

He grinned. He knew I didn't like to talk about school that much and I hardly ever mentioned how my day went or how I was feeling at the end of it. I didn't like to bring up school with him; I felt I should keep the two worlds separate. And if he ever asked, which he didn't, I would simply use my wit to distract him. School wasn't a good thing, in fact it was downright boring, but I was dedicated to it. I just had this year to go, and then I would be free, doing whatever I wanted and heading off to whatever college I chose.

"Okay." Jake knew when I had reached my tolerance limit, and he backed down, sensing I was in no mood to be pushed. I appreciated that about him.

"What about you, handsome?" I teased, swatting his chest. "Get into any trouble with Quil?"

Jake laughed heartily, his whole body shaking with deep laughter. The force of it made me shake a little. "You know it, Bells," he teased back. "We're just juvenile delinquents. Hanging around us is going to get you into trouble, little girl."

I chuckled. Jake always knew how to make me laugh.

Falling in with the familiar banter, I added "Hmm, maybe I should stay away from you then," pretending to make a move to get up and walk away.

His arm shot out and pulled me back down next to him protectively. "I don't think so, Bella. You're mine."

He grinned up at me, his white teeth sparkling in the slowly rising sun. I smiled, happy to see him so happy.

Jake was like my own personal ray of sunshine, his happiness was infectious.

At Pancake House, the waitress that served us flirted incessantly with Jake, and only backed off when I growled at her. She had shot me a look of disdain and flounced off, most likely to tell her co-workers all about 'the crazy bitch that growled at me.' It was probably going to be her story of the year.

Of course, Jake thought that the growling sounds I had made were the funniest things ever. I didn't find the humour in it, but he kept growling at me all the way back to school. I didn't have the heart to tell him that, though.

I was still laughing at his antics when we pulled into the school parking lot. Jake cut the engine and turned to me.

"Have a good day, all right?"

There was a serious message behind the seemingly caring words. Jake cared about me and my wellbeing; I knew he was telling me to not be so down about school for once.

"I will." I would try.

I leaned in to kiss him square on the lips.

"Good. I'll see you this weekend, yeah?" He asked casually, after he had ended the kiss, as if it was no big deal.

My eyes widened. This weekend? It was Tuesday! I didn't think I could handle not seeing him for another three days, especially when I had hardly any friends at school, just my little group. It would be torture.

"What? Why?"

"Oh, you know…I'll be busy, I have a big football game coming up and we're practising like mad. I'll be training every day of this week after school. I'm so sorry Bella, but I promise I'll see you this weekend, and make it up to you, okay?" His big puppy dog eyes were pleading with me to understand, to accept his apology.

I sighed, and smiled at him. I knew I would accept his apology, and be grateful that he could see me on Saturday. He had a lot going on. "I get it. Don't worry, I'll see you then."

Jake smiled, relieved and thankful. I knew then that it had been the right thing to say. "I knew you would, Bella."

I smiled and nodded, but his words ticked away inside my head. What did that mean? Was he perhaps suggesting that he always knew I would accept whatever excuse he threw at me; that I would just roll over for him whenever he wanted me to?

No. I pushed that insidious thought away. It wasn't fair to him.

Jake's groan brought me out of my thoughts. "Oh, look who it is."

I followed Jake's disdainful gaze and saw Jessica talking to Mike near the entrance to the school. She looked very animated and was waving her hands around, while Mike looked uncomfortable and kept glancing around, clearly hoping for a distraction.

It always pained me to see Jessica and Mike talking. Jessica was deeply interested in him, clearly showing it with her body language and facial expressions, while Mike clearly did not return her unrequited interest, instead pushing his affections onto me, which I certainly did not return. It also upset me because Jessica was always trying to set me up with new boys so I never had time to be actively interested in Mike, despite the fact I would never go for Mike, and Mike resented her for trying to play matchmaker. It was a vicious cycle.

I wished Jessica would see how much she was ruining her chances with Mike by her own actions, and I wished Mike would see that I was definitely not interested and just ask Jessica out.

"Be nice," I hissed.

Jake snorted. "Sure, sure."

He was clearly saying it just to pacify me, because he knew as well as I did that nothing could make Jessica and himself friends. Their different personalities and opinions of each other were just too strong and dominant to bring themselves to make nice.

I tried to kiss Jake again, partly to distract him and partly because I wasn't ready to let him leave, but he suddenly jerked upright, his attention caught again by something outside of the windshield.

"Who's that?"

I turned my head, curious and to be honest, more than a little annoyed to see what, or more accurately who, had Jake's attention this time. I was getting a little sick of all the interruptions.

Edward Cullen.

Edward was standing with his sister Alice, against his sleek black Mercedes, two spaces away, and she was looking intently in our direction.

Or more importantly, in my direction.

Edward had his head tilted up and was looking into the heavens, seeming not to notice anything around him.

"Who is that?" Jake repeated, stroking his hand across my neck. I couldn't be positive, from this distance, but it looked like Alice's eyes narrowed at his gesture, just the tiniest bit.

"Alice and Edward Cullen. They're new. They started yesterday." I stated off a one-sided introduction to Jake.

"The car is nice."

"Yeah." The Merc stood out amongst all the other cars, looking extravagant next to most of the shit models some kids had.

Jake was sizing up Edward through the car, his muscles flexing in a show of machismo.

I wanted to roll my eyes. Forget Alice, Jake was already trying to prove dominance over Edward, even though he had only been here a day. The whole competing for alpha male thing was what had Jake on edge.

Typical teenager boys. The whole thing was ridiculous.

"What's the deal with their eyes?"

I shrugged noncommittally. I didn't know, but it did intrigue me. I had never seen that color in my life before. "No idea. They must have unique genetics, or something."

"What a weird shade of violet," Jake mused, still looking at the siblings.

"You think it's violet? I was leaning more towards a dark blue," I stated, puzzled. I squinted closer at Alice and did see, indeed, that her eye colour was more violet than blue.

"Hm, I don't know. I've never seen it before in my life, that's for sure. Are they nice kids?" 

I shrugged again. They hadn't spoken a word to me. Poutiness was beginning to take over me.

"I guess. They haven't talked to me."

It was clearly the response Jake wanted, because he turned to me with a smile and gently kissed me on the lips. I wasn't sure, but I thought I saw his eyes flickering towards Edward and Alice's general direction while we were kissing.

Finally he pulled away and grinned at me. "Get out of this car before I pull you down, hold your arms over your head, and ravage you!"

The words were joking but had a serious meaning underlying them. I stiffened. I felt the smile slide off my face as I said seriously. "I hope you were joking, Jake."

He looked up at the roof of the car and took a deep breath before answering. The mood in the car had suddenly changed from joking and teasing to serious, in a matter of seconds.

"You know I wouldn't, Bella." 

I just nodded as I got out of the car. Did we just have a mini argument? So few words were spoken, and it was hard to tell. But the atmosphere had felt too heavy to be just normal play.

My mouth felt dry.

I raised my hand and waved as the car reversed and sped out of the parking lot, but I wasn't sure if Jacob noticed the gesture, because suddenly Edward and Alice were walking straight past me, and my eyes were glued to them.

They didn't acknowledge me at all.


	3. Chapter 3

The most unsatisfactory thing about school the next day was that I was actually looking forward to seeing Edward Cullen, even though I knew I probably wouldn't get an acknowledgement, let alone a conversation, out of him. He was totally unreachable.

I had, overnight while trying to sleep, come to the conclusion that I should probably say hi to Edward. He must have been shy, and that was the reason he hadn't spoken to me yesterday. Of course. It was simple; a fear of new people kept him from uttering a word.

There was no way Edward Cullen could be shy.

He just didn't seem like the shy type - nor did his sister. I didn't know him, had never spoken to him, but Edward was definitely not shy. The very idea of that was laughable, utterly ridiculous. There had to be some other explanation.

But that was the thing, there was no explanation. I had spent thirty minutes tossing and turning in my bed, trying to come to a rational understanding, but there was none. There was just no sanity, or rationalization, surrounding Edward Cullen's decision to ignore me yesterday.

I would just have to let it go. Yes, that's what I would do. I could do it. It wasn't like he mattered to me, anyway. He was just some boy that I was partnered with - and would have to do experiments with - for the rest of the year. Nobody at all.

The only thing that I could, and would, do, was make friendly overtures; try to see what he was like - try and get rid of my opinion that he was a peculiar, cold-hearted asshole. I had resolved that I would at least greet him each morning, if only to have a sort of friendly relationship with the boy who would be my lab partner for a year.

Unfortunately when I got to Math five minutes early, I wasn't able to escape Mike. He was leaning against the side of my desk, glancing up at the door every few seconds. I hesitated in the doorway, wondering whether to run away and come back when the teacher had just started the lesson and he couldn't talk to me, but the thought was shot down when he glanced up at the door, saw me dithering, and called out my name.

Fuck.

"Hey, Bella," my golden retriever called out amicably, smiling. I had no choice but to step towards him.

It was cold this morning, not raining, but the clouds outside the window were dark and grey, hovering overhead and threatening heavy precipitation. I looked from the sky to the golden retriever. Mike was wearing a t-shirt and shorts.

I mentally shook my head at his choice of clothing while greeting him. It was definitely too cold to be wearing t-shirts. He must be delusional. "Hi, Mike. How was your night?"

"It was good, thanks. How was yours?" His voice sounded way too interested.

"Umm, fine." I scooted around him and slid into my seat, looking up at him. Was he really going to stand here and just ask about my night?

"That's good. Hey, look, you know how you were looking for work the other week?"

I nodded. I had decided to try and find a job a week ago, so I could save up for Dartmouth. Charlie didn't bring in much money as a police officer, and despite his protests, I was not skimming off the top of his retirement fund. I had to earn my own money, and I had a small amount saved, but it wasn't enough, which is where the job idea came in. However, I had been applying all over town, and nobody was hiring me, which left me stuck.

"Well, you know my parents' sports store? Newton's Olympic Outfitters?" He added nervously, toying with the hems on his shirt.

I nodded again, beginning to see where this conversation was heading. Newton's Olympic Outfitters, the store that Mike's parents owned, was right on the outskirts of town. It was a family business, and both Mike, his mother, and his father worked there. It was one of the few stores in town that saw a lot of action, because there were always hikers coming into Forks, and people who were outdoorsy had no choice to go there for supplies, since it was the only sports store in town.

"They're actually hiring at the moment. I just wanted to know if you wanted an application to fill out?"

I weighed my options. I had handed my resume in at a few places around town, but chances were nobody would call back, seeing as most jobs were filled...and I would get good money working at Newton's Outfitters, enough that I could save for college.

Working with Mike was the only negative I could see about taking the job, but I could handle him.

"Sure Mike. Umm, how do I get the application?"

I hoped he wouldn't say 'come by my house', or some other comment that was totally unnecessary and unwanted. I was getting really sick of having to fend off Mike's advances.

Mike scratched his head. "Well, I could drop it by school tomorrow?"

"Great. Thanks." I stood up and hugged Mike, only to show him my gratitude. His arms, however, immediately encircled my back, and held me tighter than necessary.

I firmly moved his arms back to his side and released myself from him, stepping a few feet back just in case. I really hoped that I wouldn't ever come to regret that impulse move.

"The teacher's here," I explained uncomfortably when I took in his disappointed expression.

His face immediately brightened, somehow glad to see the teacher. "Oh, right. Wait, Bella, if you wanted the application sooner than tomorrow, you could come by my house-"

"No, that's fine," I cut him off, hiding my panic at the thought of going to his home. "I don't mind waiting."

"Oh, okay. Yeah, see you then." He turned and walked away towards his own desk, his shoulders hunched over with resentment. I breathed a sigh of relief, just thankful he was away from me.

Lunchtime was the same affair as always. I got there early and was quick enough to snag a spot between Jessica and Angela quickly, pretending I didn't see the empty seat next to Mike.

Mike was hastily seated next to Jessica, which seemed to appease her. Mike, not so jubilant; I could see him glowering from where I sat. Ah, well. Can't please everyone.

"Biology next, Bella!" Jessica sang, licking her spoon and wiggling her eyebrows in my direction. She giggled excitedly.

I rolled my eyes in exasperation. I already knew where she was taking this, and already knew it was a useless endeavour.

I quickly glanced over at Edward anyway. He was there, sitting in a seat facing our table. He was staring up at the ceiling motionlessly, aside from his forehead occasionally creasing. His sister Alice was there, faced away from us, but also looking up at the ceiling.

"Are you excited?" Jessica continued eagerly.

.

Tyler interjected curiously, stopping eating his food just long enough to ask us a question. "Why would she be excited about Biology?"

He was just encouraging her.

Oh god. Please don't tell them, Jessica. Please. I'll hand Mike over to you on a silver platter. I'll do anything. Just please, don't say it. Dear God, stop her. I was sending mind wave after mind wave to her, pleading with her, just hoping she would pick up on one of the many thoughts I was screaming at her to stop what she was doing.

Jessica got a strange glint in her eye. I knew all was lost."Bella sits next to Edward Cullen."

God did not exist. He would not let this awful embarrassment continue. If he did, Jessica or more preferably myself, would fall into the abyss of a black hole that had suddenly been created. I did not want to bring attention to this issue, if it even was an issue.

"And?" Mike prompted, a scowl appearing on his features.

Jessica kept going, blissfully unaware of the warning I was shouting in my head, as well as the glare I was shooting her way. "She was ignoring him yesterday, and I want her to talk to him."

"Why would you want her to talk to him?" Mike asked with suspicious eyes.

Jessica got a 'duh' look on her face, and tsked at Mike. The whole table had stopped what they were doing and was listening by now.

"He's hot. And we need to get rid of Bella's boyfriend."

I blushed bright red and threw my hands up in the air in exasperation. "Yes, he's beautiful, Jess, but I'm taken. And no, we don't need to get rid of Jacob. Plus, I was not ignoring him, he was ignoring me. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm a total loser. And for your information," I added as an aside, my voice rising hysterically at the sight of the smug smiles that were adorned on three faces, "I was planning on saying hello. But clearly I'm not going to do it anymore, because of you all heckling me," I finished, breathing heavily and almost spitting because of my long speech.

Jessica's cockiness disappeared immediately. "Oh no, Bella! Please, talk to him. Maybe he's lonely," she said desperately, casting a look over her shoulder at the boy in question. His head was close to his sister's now, and they seemed to be discussing something urgent.

Yeah, he really looked lonely.

"Jess, stop. If Bella doesn't want to talk to him, don't make her talk to him," Mike interjected bossily. I cringed in embarassment. I would have been thankful to him if I thought he was just doing it for me as a friend.

However, I knew better. Mike was just worried that with Jessica's encouragement, in the event that Jake and I ever broke up, he would lose his place to Edward Cullen.

The thing was he was under the delusion that he even had a place to begin with.

Jessica sulked. "Fine."

I should have been relieved, and happy that I had gotten out of it. But instead, I felt the need to prove them wrong and talk to him, I don't know why.

"I'll say hello," I muttered, pretending I wasn't happy at the thought.

Jessica beamed. "Oh, thank you Bella! I love you, I love you, I love you," She chanted smugly, doing some strange dance in her seat. Angela and Tyler started to laugh. "He'll like you, you'll see."

"I'm not so sure," I said miserably. "He ignored me all last lesson. He thinks I'm a freak, probably. Why would he talk to me today?"

"Hello."

I watched him as he stared straight ahead. He made no motion or movement that indicated he had heard my timid word, spoken through tight lips.

For the rest of the lesson, he didn't move. He didn't say anything, didn't look anywhere except the front of the room. I was proven right about my earlier assumptions. He wasn't shy, he was just arrogant, who may also think that I was some weird girl who was secretly obsessed with him.

Far from depressing me, this thought angered me.

If I was right and he was an asshole, who was he to judge? He didn't know me; he hadn't said one word to me at all. I had made a friendly greeting, and he had rejected it, instead choosing not to speak.

Clearly, he was the weird one here.

This childish thought soothed me only slightly. When the bell rang, he rose and was the first one out the door, leaving me to glare resentfully after him.

Jessica skipped to my side as soon as Edward had left. "Did you ignore him again?" She asked me indignantly. "I thought you said you were going to talk to him!"

"I did." I was staring numbly at the door. How could someone be so rude? It was inconceivable.

"No, you didn't. I was watching." Jessica emphasised her words by cupping her hands around her eyes, signifying watching to me.

"I said hello, at the beginning, and he just ignored me," I said morosely.

Why was I so upset and angry that Edward was ignoring me today? He had done the exact same thing yesterday. He was just an arrogant jerk, which cancelled out the fact that he was absurdly handsome.

"Okay. Well, don't worry about it. He's probably just settling in. Keep trying," Jessica encouraged. She patted my shoulder then danced out of the room, probably to get to gym on time.

I gathered my books, trying to ease the sensation of rejection that had settled in the pit of my stomach. I stiffened my resolve. I would keep trying. This Edward Cullen better learn to be polite.

For the rest of the week, he ignored me. Despite my repeated attempts to get through, he persistently and sullenly stared at the board, paying no attention to my continuous heralding. I saw Alice Cullen in the bathroom every day of the week, at least once a day. She didn't speak a word to me either, or anyone around her, which only reinforcing my thoughts on the enigmatic Edward. They were both snobs. By Friday, I had started to believe that Edward was deaf.


	4. Chapter 4

The weekend passed slowly, uneventfully. I was still down about Edward's bizarre behaviour, but when Jake came over, he helped cheer me up by taking me to a movie and then staying at my house for a few hours on Sunday.

I couldn't get Edward Cullen out of my head.

I found I was obsessing frequently over his behaviour and wondered if he ignored everyone like that. When I dreamt, I found that mauve eyes were staring at me feverishly, and I woke up panting, unable to remove the image of the intense irises from behind my own lids.

I didn't tell Jake this, because frankly, he wouldn't understand. He would start to fear that he was losing me to Edward, which was not the case. So I spent all weekend simmering in my thoughts, even when I was with Jake, waiting for Monday. It was exquisite torture.

When I got to Biology on Monday morning, Mr Banner was already there, setting up his books and equipment. Today he was showing us a practice experiment that we would do tomorrow.

I headed to my desk and sat down, wanting to be seated and ready when Edward walked through the door.

I pulled out my iPod and plugged it in, reminiscent of Edward Cullen's first day at Forks High. He appeared a few seconds later, walking slowly through the classroom, his gaze averted from mine. He slid fluidly into his seat like a panther, full of power, grace and agility.

I could see him in my peripheral vision. He seemed to be thinking hard, if his creased face was anything to go by. He was ignoring Mr Banner, as usual. Edward seemed to hold contempt for our Biology teacher, just like Alice was contemptuous of Coach Clapp.

The Cullen siblings seemed to disregard the authority figures here, treating them like a joke. I empathized. Some of the teachers who worked at Forks High were idiots.

I watched as he snapped out of whatever thoughts he was having, and started to draw with precision. I slightly tilted my head to the left to make out what it was that he was drawing with such concentration.

Everything he did interested me.

At first, I could only make out the shape of a body, which was a decidedly feminine one, with an hourglass figure and beautiful curve. Then, in front of it, he drew a table that was shaped oddly like our Biology lab table. Then he drew a head, with long black tresses of hair that fell down around the girl's shoulders, and earphones plugged out of the ears …

I snapped my head up to look at him, but he only regarded the drawing, continuing to sketch with his long, nimble fingers. I turned back to the front and watched the drawing through my peripheral vision again. A picture was beginning to form. I couldn't look away; I was captivated.

He drew almond shaped eyes, and a heart shaped face that held a dreamy expression. He drew a perfect nose and full lips that puckered out into a pout.

When he finished the drawing, he wrote a quick note on it that I couldn't read, and then slid the notebook over to me.

I gasped quietly.

The drawing was absolutely realistic. He had captured everything from the lines of my face to my hair, and the earphones plugged in my ears. He had even caught the expression in my eyes – dreamy, faraway, and longing – as I listened to the music. The detail was exquisite.

And written at the bottom, in beautiful, elegant loopy script that I couldn't believe belonged to a boy in high school –

_Listening to your ipod again? Infra-Red, huh?_

_I hope you like the drawing._

_-Edward Cullen._

I blushed deeply, from the roots of my hair to my chest. I didn't realize that he heard the song I was listening to. I hastily reached for the volume and turned it down, realizing simultaneously that he had also put a name to the song I couldn't remember.

I was also overwhelmed by the fact that he was finally talking to me. I wondered why he had changed his mind and decided to give in, and then the thought quickly crossed my mind that it didn't matter. Most likely, he had gotten sick of my relentless greetings. I blushed again involuntarily.

When I turned and smiled nervously at him, he was grinning at me. Again, I noticed the abnormal violet colour of his eyes; they were amethyst, a mix of blue and violet, like a mix of colours would turn out on a paint pallet...

I stayed mesmerized by his gaze, him looking steadily back at me, until the bell rang. I blinked and looked around; many kids were packing up and chatting, some were out the door already. I turned back to him, but the spell had been broken.

He was still looking at me, though. I trembled under his gaze, much like his first day here. The sensation was exactly the same...

"Did you like the drawing? I tried to make it as realistic as I could." Edward stated, intensity shining in his wine coloured eyes.

"Yes, thank you. Your detail was excellent. You know, you're really good at drawing."

I wasn't just heaping on the praise, I was telling him the truth. He was excellent at drawing. My words hardly covered it.

He nodded his head, arrogantly acknowledging my compliments. "I suppose. I'm Edward Cullen. I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself last week, I was a bit sullen. I apologise for my rudeness, especially when you were talking to me," he explained, thoughtfully looking up at the ceiling.

"Bella Swan, and don't worry, I totally get it." I answered understandingly. My full name was Isabella, but I hated it, so to everyone I met, my name was Bella. Besides, Edward would never know.

He grinned widely, showing his teeth. They were blindingly white, and I blinked, a bit stunned by his perfection. It was like looking into the sun.

"Thank you. Nice to meet you, Bella."

"Likewise." It was much more than nice, if I was being truthful.

"What class do you have next?" I got the impression that he was vitally interested in my answer, though I had no idea why. My schedule wasn't that interesting.

"Umm, this year I have...Gym." I groaned, temporarily distracted from him. Just my luck.

I hated Gym, because I was extremely uncoordinated doing any type of sport and would probably injure myself or anyone near me.

His eyes danced with something I couldn't read. "In Building Five?"

"Yeah."

I shifted my weight uncomfortably. Why was he still talking to me? He was an Adonis, and I was uncomfortably aware that we weren't in the same league. Contrasting with last week's desire for him to say anything to me, today I wanted him to leave me alone, so that I could be pulled out of this bizarre delusion.

"My sister – adoptive sister," he corrected himself quickly. I was touched that he apparently considered Alice his blood relation. "She's in that class."

"Really?" I said it, because, hell, I knew that already, but I had to be polite.

He smiled at me like he knew what I was thinking. "Yes, really."

"Oh." I had nothing else to say, nothing interesting at least. Edward Cullen somehow had a special way of making me tongue-tied.

"I'm sure she would love to meet you," he continued smoothly. "Alice likes making new friends. She _collects_ them, rather."

"Oh. Well, I'll have to introduce myself then," I answered. I didn't know Alice, but if she was as friendly as she supposedly was, then I was sure I could be her friend - if she was willing to reciprocate, of course.

"Good." His stare was penetrating, and I found I could hardly breathe.

"Right. Well, I better get to class," I hinted, but not really wanting to leave this enigmatic boy. He smiled a terribly handsome smile. It made my heart stutter, and I swallowed heavily. What was it about him?

"Sure. I'll see you tomorrow, Bella," Edward told me. I silently nodded and gathered up my books, not being able to help taking in his clothes as I moved.

He was wearing a black sweater that clung to his body, showing off his muscled chest, and faded blue jeans. His clothes hinted at designer threads subtly. I ogled him until he picked up his own books and held them to his chest, looking at me.

I brought myself out of my stupor. Noticing these things was dangerous. I shouldn't be having these thoughts. Edward was the most gorgeous boy I had ever seen, of course, but he was untouchable.

I forced myself to meet his gaze and got lost in those strange eyes again. "Let's go to class, shall we?" I found myself saying. I wanted to stay with him as much as possible, even though I knew that was strange. I hardly knew him, and yet I didn't want to leave his side.

"Yeah. Let's go. Have fun in gym," he told me with a smirk that was almost a sneer. I held back my grimace. Edward certainly didn't need to know about my problem in abilities. His smirk grew.

Forty-five minutes later, I was panting and sitting on a bench at the side of the Gym, out of breath. I had given up after injuring two of my classmates.

After a while, Alice Cullen walked fluidly over and sat beside me. I shifted over to give her more room, and I turned to look at her. She was staring ahead intently, though, watching the basketball game.

"Hello," I said awkwardly. It was much harder starting a conversation with her than it was with him.

"Hello, Bella," she returned without looking at me. Her voice was like the ringing of church bells, and I revelled in it, savouring the immensely musical tone long after her words had drifted off into the air. There was also some remnant of an accent in her voice, but I couldn't place it.

I didn't speak and she didn't either. It was a silent few minutes of awkward.

Just when I was wondering whether I should get up and go and get changed back into my clothes, because surely the lesson was going to end soon, she spoke.

"So, what do people do for fun here, Bella?"

I snorted. Fun? In Forks? You were just as likely to find a unicorn frolicking around here.

"I guess that means there isn't much in the way of entertainment, huh?"

I half-turned and Alice was looking at me, for once her attention not on the game. I swallowed nervously. Alice and Edward both had the gift of being able to intimidate someone just by looking at them with that blue piercing gaze.

"That's an understatement," I muttered so low that I was pretty sure there was no way she could've heard me, but she seemed to. She nodded once quickly, like that confirmed whatever thoughts she was thinking.

Alice's face seemed to tighten - still absurdly beautiful - before she leaned back and sighed, closing her eyes. "Sit with us tomorrow at lunch, Bella. It would be nice to make new friends here."

"Sure." Only Jessica and Mike would be curious about my whereabouts, and honestly, who gave a damn about them? I was excited to have the opportunity to get to know more about the Cullens.

She smiled and stood up. "I'll see you tomorrow then."

Then she was gone, pushing the gym doors open and daintily walking through them. With the doors open, I could clearly hear the rain pounding against the cement of the sidewalk, like the heavy beating of drums.

I was left staring after her, wondering why she had just walked out of gym class without permission before class ended, not to mention straight into the downpour of rain.

A second later the bell went.


	5. Chapter 5

"Hello."

I blinked and turned to see Alice Cullen. I hadn't even seen her approach the truck. I didn't realize how silently she moved. She wasn't looking at me, again; she was facing straight ahead. She was really quite strange, but seemed like a nice girl nonetheless.

"Hello," I said back.

"Are you still joining us for lunch today?" She continued.

"That was the plan." I prayed my words didn't convey how excited I was, although I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that they did.

She grinned without ever looking at me, flashing her pearly whites.

"Excellent. We'll be so glad to have you join us."

Her words were strange, like she had been raised from British royalty or something. She spoke using the cadences and phrases that would be found in an earlier century, perhaps, or simply as one of the Queen of England's posh relations.

"Thanks."

She smiled, although it didn't reach the cold dark violets of her eyes.

Alice turned and started to float away, her business with me apparently done. I imagined her as a small malevolent fairy, holding a black wand aloft, prancing daintily into people's lives and wrecking them mightily before easily slipping away once she had successfully ruined everything she wanted to, receiving no damage to herself.

I immediately shook myself of that thought. Alice had been nothing but nice to me yesterday, and I was envisioning her as evil sprites? That was totally rude and if I had said it to her out loud, I would have kicked myself and apologized profusely. Luckily, my mouth, at least, had some sort of filter.

"Remember lunchtime," she called over her petite shoulder as she waltzed off. A couple of people stared at me as they walked by, obviously curious about her attentions. I lifted my hand and swept my hair over my shoulder, making it flow down around my front instead of my back. It provided a good cover from any prying eyes so that my expression had the chance to get under control.

I was standing in the lunch line with a tray, change money in my hand, waiting patiently for my turn to retrieve some food and get glared at by the lunch ladies, like I did every day of every year.

I reached the lunch line and picked up two slices of pepperoni pizza, adding a bottle of Coke to my tray and paying the money before stepping aside for the next person and searching the cafeteria for the Cullens.

I hesitated before I approached the siblings. They looked so comfortable and tight-knit together, that I didn't want to be the one who ruined that. But I screwed up all my courage and approached them anyway. I was determined that I would try and make friends with the odd pair.

I caught a snippet of their conversation as I walked towards them.

"You have to restrain yourself Alice, wait until tonight…" Edward was saying to her, his face tight, but he trailed off when he saw me sitting down across from them. Alice looked unconcerned, and smiled brightly at me. Her smile reminded me of the rays of the sun.

"Hello, Bella. It was so nice of you to join us."

Her voice was lilting, giving off a hint of that accent again. Her words were articulate and flowing, making them sound beautiful.

"Hi, Alice. Don't worry about it. I'm doing you a favour, in fact," I joked, hoping to lighten the mood. I was getting uneasy.

Alice tilted her head inquisitively. She seemed to be used to using motions and expressions to convey how she felt instead of words. "How so?"

"Well, you're the new kids, and I suppose it's considered helpful if people try and make friends with you…" I stopped talking, aware that Edward was gazing at me.

"You think you're our friend, then?"

Alice's question could be taken in two ways. It could be either flattering, or disbelieving. I chose to take the more flattering one, because I hardly knew the girl. I wasn't about to pick apart her words and analyse them until they were just meaningless sounds, a void to fill silence in the world. That was for crazy people, and I wasn't crazy.

"Well, you both seem pretty nice. I mean, I suppose I'm not your friend, not yet, so I'm sorry for presuming that..." I babbled on. What was it about these two that made me continually spout lots of word vomit from my stupid mouth?

The silence after my words was so long that I lifted up my pizza and chewed the end of it, before putting it back down and taking a sip of Coke. I hoped they would talk soon; I was getting antsy.

Alice broke the silence with her dainty, feminine voice. "Don't worry, Bella. We're not about to kill you," here she chuckled lightly, and Edward shot her a dark look; a look I couldn't understand.

"You've been friendly to both of us, and I must say I already consider you an acquaintance, if not a friend, although I'm sure that will come in time."

"Thank you, that's nice," I said awkwardly, unsure of what to say.

Then she spoke again, but the words were so quiet I was almost sure I wasn't supposed to hear them.

"Sometimes niceness isn't a good enough answer."

"Enough," Edward said sharply, his eyes now on Alice. She shrugged and smiled at me again, clearly taking heed of his warning, but disregarding it at the same time.

"Okay, Bella, tell me something about yourself. What's your deepest wish?" Her words had taken on a joking tone, but her eyes were sincere and interested.

"Well, everything about me is pretty normal, average, and boring." I blushed, not wanting to continue, but they both seemed deathly interested. "Sometimes I wish...I hope, rather, that I had a better life. You know, that i was beautiful or rich, or had lots of friends that thought I was interesting...or even that I had some special skill."

Alice was intrigued. "Why?"

"Well," I started, fidgeting with my hands nervously, "I like to feel that maybe these things could happen for me, if I wished hard enough, and perhaps my life could be brighter...I'm sorry, I'm just going on about random things and monopolizing the conversation. I'm so sorry, you must think I'm totally weird and strange..."

I bubbled on awkwardly until Edward put me out of my misery.

"We don't think you're strange. In fact, I understand completely," he said, regarding me with intensity from across the table. Alice grinned craftily, watching him with an unknown knowledge.

"You do?" I clutched at the lifesaver he had thrown me, desperate not to drown.

"Yes. Everything in your life has to be a certain way, because of obligations or what not, but sometimes, you're reminded that things could be different. And then you hope, because you wish things would be different, and you believe."

I stared at Edward, stunned. He had summed up everything I felt in one small sentence. It was like he had reached into my brain, grabbed all my senses and longing of freedom and feelings of confusion and guilt and had been smart enough to tie it all together, so it would make sense to anyone.

I was suddenly painfully, brilliantly aware that Edward had crystallised all the awkwardness, loneliness, restlessness and desperate longing and desire for a broader, brighter, better life which had, in the past few days, become aware to me with Edward and Alice's arrival - in just a minute.

He had summed up all the thirst and want for something better, something lovely and extraordinary. He had summed it up, because he felt the same.

For once, I understood what it was like to have a kindred spirit.

"Yes! How did you know?"

"Let's just say that I get that feeling sometimes, shall we?" It was supposedly a question, but something about the tone he used told me that the conversation was over.

I let it drop, instead choosing to take another sip of my drink. The Coke was bitter against my tongue.

"So, Bella, who was that boy dropping you off this morning?"

Edward's head shot abruptly towards Alice as the words dropped from her lips, but she smiled at him, content, and turned her attention back to me.

I blushed bright red. I had really been hoping that that particular question wouldn't come up, despite the fact that Alice had looked our way with interest this morning.

"That's Jacob, my...well, sort of my boyfriend, I guess." I gave her an approximation of a smile. I was reluctant to talk about him right now, for some odd reason.

"How cute. How long have you guys been dating?" Alice asked, suddenly enthusiastic. I was a bit thrown by her sudden mood change, but I regained my confidence almost instantly.

"Umm, practically since we were born. Our fathers are best friends, you see, so it was a perfect fit." I looked down at the table. Alice's hand was startlingly pale against the cream countertop. Her skin was so beautiful, unearthly white and soft looking. I also noticed a large, regal looking ring atop her middle finger. It looked expensive; it was inlaid with tiny blue stones that covered gold. Glancing at Edward's hand, I noticed he wore an identical ring.

"And Jacob is a perfect fit for you? I don't think so." Edward suddenly interrupted, staring at me intently.

I was shocked by his words, and tried to recover myself. However, Alice beat me to it.

"That's lovely. I have a boyfriend of my own, you know," Alice shared. She spoke as if Edward had said nothing at all. He suddenly turned to stare sullenly at the wall, breaking eye contact with me.

"Really?" I was eager for more information, despite the weird past few moments. "What's his name?"

She sighed dreamily. "His name's Jasper. He's gorgeous, Bella. I love him so much."

Wow, I thought. Imagine finding true love when you're seventeen or eighteen. How romantic and fulfilling that must be. Alice was so lucky.

I knew that I loved Jake, but just the way Alice spoke about her Jasper was romantic. Different. Her voice took on a dreamy, loving quality, and I could tell she cared for him deeply.

"That's lovely. Imagine finding love when you're our age. It's like a dream."

I was aware that my words gave away all my romantic inclinations, but at that point I didn't much care. It was like one of those moments where you get sucked into something and only after do you realize how stupid it was.

"So you don't love Jacob?" Edward butted in again, once again looking at me.

"I do. Of course. I just meant...I mean...it's different," I blundered, under his intense gaze.

"It is, isn't it?"

I wasn't sure whether Alice was referring to my statement, or what I had said before Edward interrupted again, but I nodded my head dutifully. I wished for the kind of love that Alice felt for her Jasper. It was every little girl's dream that they would find their Prince Charming and he would ride off with them into the sunset on a white horse.

Edward spoke for the third time since I had joined them. "Alice, don't be so self-absorbed. I'm sorry, Bella," he spoke directly to me. "We were talking of your boyfriend, and then Alice rudely switched the conversation," he finished, shooting a glare at her.

Edward seemed to change moods like lightning. He seemed unaware of what he had just said to me, and so did Alice, which left me wondering whether I didn't just imagine it all.

Alice, on the other hand, was bright and bubbly, vivacious and full of energy, as it turned out. She wasn't friendly to outsiders but once you knew her she lit up like a firecracker.

Alice looked remorseful. "I am sorry, Bella, it was rude. I just got caught up in my own life." She made a sweep with her arm, as if gesturing into thin air. Her quirkiness was endearing, and I desperately longed to know more about them.

"Don't worry about it, Alice. I wasn't upset or anything," I reassured her, glancing at Edward. His face remained unreadable.

Her face brightened. It seemed all she needed was encouragement. "Okay," she said. "But let's talk about you more, hey?"

I thought a bit, and decided I would try for a deal. I didn't want to talk too much about myself, and I wanted to know a bit more about their family. "What if we make a deal?"

Her seraphic face was instantly cautious. "What's the deal?"

"How about you tell me a little bit about your family and background first, and then we can talk about my life?" I bargained. I hoped she would say yes. I didn't feel comfortable talking about myself, and hopefully if we got talking about her family, we would avoid the topic of mine.

Alice's face stretched into a smile. I could see she had been thinking it would have been a lot worse. "Sure, Bella. What do you want to know?"

"Well…"

By the end of lunch I knew everything about the Cullens.

Alice and Jasper had been adopted at 15 from the orphanage they had lived in. Emmett and Edward were adopted when their respective parents had died, and had lived with the Cullen family since they were eight. Emmett was dating another one of the adopted kids – another girl, called Rosalie Hale. All of the teenagers had changed their name to Cullen.

In return, I told her a lot about me. How I had grown up in Forks, as well as being responsible and taking care of my dad. I told them about my relationship with Jacob and how my feelings had gradually changed. I mentioned how I missed my mother; what my habits were, my preferences, everything. I had never talked so much in just one go before.

Edward contributed a lot to the conversation, and I found that he was a serious guy. He laughed, he smiled, but he wasn't really _happy, _like Jake. He was moody, intense, brilliant, and could also be arrogant and controlling at times. I found this refreshing, and even though Alice interrupted a lot, I still got to talk to him enough to know him better.

When the lunch bell rang, neither of them rose from their seats. I glanced back at them; myself half-standing awkwardly. "Aren't you going to class?"

"No," Edward answered, stirring his finger in circles on the table. "Alice and I have dentist appointments this afternoon."

"Right. Well, I'll see you tomorrow?" I asked, half-expecting him to say no.

He didn't disappoint. "Sorry, but we're going hiking with our family. I'll see you on Thursday."

I nodded. It was probably just my wounded ego, but it sounded like he was blowing me off. It didn't escape my notice that he said 'I'll see you on Thursday,' though. A guarantee that he would be back. There was part of me that thrilled at the words.

"All right. Bye, Alice. Bye, Edward."

"Bye, Bella."

Most of the students had filed out of the cafeteria already, including Jessica - thank God. Then I spotted Mike, still sitting with Angela, and my spirits plummeted. He would question me, no doubt.

Oh well. Might as well get it over with.

I wearily trudged over to them, only glancing once over my shoulder. Edward and Alice were walking out of the side entrance with their hands clasped, looking at each other. If I didn't know Alice had a significant other already I would think that they were together.

"Hey," I said neutrally, when I had reached Angela and Mike. Angela said hello back but Mike just glared at me.

"Where were you all lunch?" He asked, although the answer had just been in front of him.

"I was sitting with Edward and Alice."

"Why?"

"Because they're new, and they wanted to make friends," I said patiently. Mike was so childlike sometimes; it took all of my patience trying to deal with him.

Mike still looked suspicious. "You and that Edward Cullen kid seemed pretty friendly."

"_Mike, _I barely spoke to him. Besides, I have a boyfriend."

It was my constant mantra these days. Nobody seemed to think that Jake was much of a leash or a restraining factor, and I wondered why it was so. He certainly dominated much of my time. Was it because he didn't go to school with us? Because he wasn't around that often?

Mike calmed slightly. "Okay. But, Bella, if you and Jacob break up, I know that Cullen freak will be lusting after you. He looks at you like a dog would look at a piece of meat in a butcher's window. Just a friendly warning."

Inwardly rolling my eyes at the fact that Mike had already started calling Edward 'Cullen', I chose to respond with "Don't worry, Mike. Edward will never lust after me."


	6. Chapter 6

The day after my lunch with the Cullens and the next one after that passed with easy normalcy. I told myself I was glad to be sitting with my friends again, but the truth is, I was bored out of my mind all day, especially at lunchtime and in Biology and Gym.

I didn't get the job at Newtons. Mike's mother gently explained that she was looking for someone who was available for daytime work, when I was at school. I left the store feeling dejected, but also glad I didn't have to work with Mike. Mike followed me around all day the next day, apologizing constantly on behalf of his parents. Consequently Jessica gave me the cold shoulder all day.

I wanted Edward and Alice back. I wanted nothing more than to be sitting with them at lunch. The way they were so witty and sharp, interesting, captivating and beautiful only drew me in further. I was like a fly caught in a spider's web, slowly being weaved in closer and closer, only to be eaten in the end.

I focused all my conscious thoughts on wishing for Jake instead of the absent Cullens, and on Wednesday, the last day that Alice and Edward would be gone, I found Jake in the school office, when I was delivering a note to Mrs. Cope from Mr. Banner.

"Jake!"

Surprise coloured my tone as I stared at the back of his unmistakable head. He was leaning over the desk, chatting amicably with Mrs. Cope, the older woman who was Forks High School's secretary. His russet arms were splayed over the counter. "What are you doing here?"

He spun around and, seeing it was me, bounded away from the desk, pulling me into a hug as Mrs. Cope smiled at the two of us fondly. I hugged him back, feeling confused and elated at the same time. I repeated my question.

"What are you doing here?"

He pulled back and looked down at me guiltily. "Well, it was supposed to be a surprise, but I was actually applying for a transfer to your school."

"What?"

He sighed, tugging me with him back to the front desk. "I got kicked out of school, Bella. This school is the only other one it's possible for me to go to, and I'm not even sure I'll be able to go here. I have a trial tomorrow, and Principal Greene and every teacher will be monitoring my progress. They have to make sure I don't screw up."

"Why did you get kicked out?" I questioned. I was surprised; Jake wasn't usually that bad as to get kicked out.

"I got in a fight with this boy. He was making some rude remarks..." Jake trailed off, sheepishly smiling. Did he think that was okay with me? The fact that he was fighting? What bothered me was that the thought of Jake physically attacking someone didn't surprise me at all.

"Jake, what about finishing school? What about, you know, applying for college and everything?"

"Well that's kinda why I was applying here. But, you know, it doesn't matter if I don't get in here anyway. School isn't that important – besides, I don't think I'll be going to college, at least not one far away. I have to stay here and take care of my dad – at least, that's what he says."

He ruffled my hair with his hand, and I automatically reached up and patted it back into place, my mind whirling. I didn't understand how Billy wanted Jake to stay in this small town when he could do so much better; my heart ached at the sad, resigned tone behind Jake's words.

I spoke aloud the only question that was clear.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to tell you, because I was worried that you wouldn't be supportive about me coming here. I mean, you have all your friends already, and you might think I was becoming too clingy."

"Oh, Jake," I reached for his hand, massaging it with my own. His hand felt hard, callous. "You don't need to worry about any of that. You know I love you, no matter what. I'm just disappointed you feel you couldn't tell me."

His eyes, which had brightened when I had declared my love, drooped again. Strangely, it irritated me rather than making me melt.

"I know, Bella. Sorry. But, you know, I'm here now."

I had to laugh, at his blasé words and his cheerful demeanour. It made it seem like the fact he had bashed a boy meant nothing.

"Yeah, Jake, you're here now. Look, I have to go back to class, but I'll see you at lunch."

"See you. Love you," Jake said cheerily.

I blushed at him saying it in front of Mrs. Cope, but her kindly smile told me she didn't mind. I refrained from declaring myself, however. I wouldn't embarrass myself that much.

"Bye, Mrs. Cope."

"Bye, Bella."

I hurried out of the office, my mind going over all the possibilities that came with Jake transferring here.

To my surprise, I felt some unnameable emotion in the pit of my stomach. It wasn't identifiable, and made me unreasonably anxious. But I knew, whatever it was, because of the knots twisting my organs around, that it wasn't good.

It was predictable, that just because I was dreading lunchtime, it came quicker than ever. With a heavy heart - something I couldn't explain - I loaded my lunch tray, wondering why people were looking uneasy and whispering in every corner. Was there some gossip I hadn't heard?

I walked slowly to my old table – as I had started thinking of it – sitting down next to Angela, across from Jessica, who was crying uncontrollably. Tyler was trying to console her, but it wasn't really working.

"What's going on, guys?" My mouth asked the question, but I wasn't sure if I really wanted to know. The atmosphere was sad and heavy, adding to the dread I had felt as soon as I had sat. I looked around at their grave, pale faces, and it was like a weight had settled in my stomach. I knew something was wrong.

Jessica raised her tearstained face to look at me with red rimmed eyes. "Mike's dead."

"What?" I gasped. This was the last thing I had expected.

I couldn't take it in, it was totally alien. Mike was dead? How? Why?

It felt like the world had suddenly twisted on its axis, shaking all of us roughly and mercilessly until they fell, disoriented and totally confused. It felt like overnight the earth had shifted, turning upside down and spinning until everything was crazy. I couldn't imagine that bright, slightly chubby face of my long-time admirer and friend tinged grey, with the horribly black aura that surrounded death.

Mike was dead. Never to move, never to breathe, never to laugh, ever again.

"What?" I repeated with horror.

Jessica started to cry again, and Tyler hushed her, his own face tinged white under his brown skin, gathering her brown hair and soothing her.

She was incoherent, blubbering, sobbing. I had never known that this would affect her so much; I had thought her too shallow, despite the fact that she had almost obsessively liked Mike.

It was Angela who answered me, in a quiet, subdued voice. She was shocked, too. "He's passed away, Bella. Deputy Mark found him, in, in...in the forest." Her voice cracked at the end of her sentence, and she started to cry silent tears.

I instinctively put my arm around her shoulder, rubbing her back for comfort. I was still in shock, myself. My brain hadn't had time to process it.

"What?" I couldn't stop saying it, I sounded like a broken record. It was just that I couldn't comprehend what she was saying. Angela seemed to understand, though, and tried to explain further.

"Mike's...dead, Bella. Deputy Mark discovered him early this morning, when Mike's parents called in, bec- becau- because he was...missing, and they finally got worried. They thought he just stayed with a friend...apparently, he was fighting with them a couple of days ago, and walked out...went for a walk in the forest...and, and...oh, god."

Angela couldn't continue; she burst out into full blown sobs, both her and Jessica wailing.

Myself, I wasn't at the crying stage yet, my mind still focused on the image of Mike's baby face and Angela's words. That was why we hadn't seen him for two days, I realized. He hadn't been sick, he was...dead.

The other bits of her story swam around in my mind. He went into the woods?

Why would you do that, Mike? What caused you to go in there? I railed at him internally, and then realized it wouldn't do any good - he was still gone.

"What killed ... how did he die?" I rectified my statement, because I didn't know if he'd been murdered or not. I didn't put much stock in it, because a murder in Forks was laughable, despite the solemnity of this situation.

Jessica looked at me this time, her skin all puffy and blotchy. "A bear attack, Bella! A bear attack! And they said that lots of other people were dying from bears, lately, too..." She dissolved into tears, and I knew I couldn't get any more information out of her.

I was still not crying, though, and that sickened me. Was it because I was in shock, or was it because I had no feelings, was a sociopath? My mind was astoundingly clear, however, so the latter seemed much more likely, even though that was a disgusting option.

Just then, Jake appeared, wrapping his strong, sturdy arms around my waist.

"What'd I miss? Why's everyone crying?"

His brown face was crinkled with concern. He glanced around the table, taking in the sobbing scene before us, Tyler comforting the girls.

I pushed against his death grip, and my lips turned humorlessly up at the corners, so I was almost sneering.

I started to laugh, but it wasn't a happy laugh. He leaned back, probably frightened by my face. As he should be.

Jake had been gone all this time, while the possibly most traumatic event of my life had been occurring, and now he came up to me and asked me what he HAD MISSED?

"Where the fuck have you been?" I snarled.

Straight after school, avoiding the buzzing parking lot, I headed to where I expected Charlie to be: with his wife and family. The police station.

I walked in and there were only two cops, Deputy Mark and the good Chief Swan; they were leisurely playing cards over the desks.

I guess, with them, it was old news. I was still reeling.

Charlie jumped up when he saw me, and walked over and put his hands on my shoulders, looking into my face with curiosity and concern.

"Bella? What are you doing here?" As he took in my expression, his own face changed to concern and sadness. Loss and grief for a good family friend overcame his expression.

"You heard the news." It was a statement, not a question.

I swallowed and glanced outside; when I left school, it was only lightly drizzling. Now, rain poured down on the blacktop, unforgiving and merciless.

"Yeah."

His grip on my shoulders hardened. "It's a bad business," he muttered, mainly to himself.

"A couple of people have died, lately...it looks like bears, but how do we know?"

"Bears?"

Charlie glanced quickly down at me when I spoke; apparently he had forgotten I was there.

"Yeah, bears. A security guard down at the Grisham mill got killed a few days ago...some woman reported a bear like animal sniffing around the corpse when she called it in - she was the one who found it."

He swallowed heavily. It was hard for Charlie to take in this much crime; Forks probably had the smallest crime rate in the Olympic Peninsula. This would be the first time in decades that Charlie really had to work.

"But the tracks are all wrong for bears," he continued, still fixated on the mystery. "The footprints around the victim were more like wolves, so nobody knows..."

I stayed silent, because I was speechless. It sounded horrible; nobody knew what was killing the residents of Forks. They were just slowly dying one by one.

And I hadn't even been aware that anyone besides Mike had died; Charlie hadn't told me, evidently out of worry for my piece of mind, but the whole town probably knew.

"Why didn't you tell me about the others before, Dad?" I asked softly.

A frown creased his features, making him look ancient. I took a step back; I had never realized before how old my father was. I suddenly saw him as others did: a few grey hairs, lined, heavily creased skin, slight stoop to the shoulders. His whole posture was wrecked with grief. My father was aging, right before my eyes. Death changed people.

Suddenly, I wondered what my reflection looked like.

"I didn't want you to worry, sweetheart. But since one of your classmates is dead, I guess the cat's out of the bag, huh?" He scratched his head.

"Yeah, I guess. So...what's going to happen now?"

"Well, Mike's funeral will have to be arranged," Charlie stated. "And there's a hunt tonight, some of the rangers are looking for more bodies, because we don't know how many have died..." he trailed off, clearly not willing to continue the conversation.

It was understandable that Charlie would not want to discuss murder and death with his only teenage daughter. He wanted to protect me; keep me safe from harm, not expose me to it.

I backed off; I didn't really want to know the gory details anyway. "Okay. I'm going home; I'll start to make dinner?"

Charlie nodded gratefully. "Thanks, kiddo. And thanks for not prying," he added.

"No problem, Dad," I responded. I could understand him not wanting to tell me, his daughter, about the murders of the residents of his town. I could understand how it would haunt him, scar him...

I had to get out of here before any more thoughts of death attacked me.

"I'm gonna get going. Bye, Dad." I gave him a hug, which he awkwardly returned, and then headed out the door, saying, "Bye, Mark," before I left.

He returned it with a "See you later, Bella."

Once I was home, I quickly headed up to my room and collapsed onto my bed. I laid there heavily; I had no more strength to move. It felt like my will was slowly being sucked away from me. I couldn't take all this information in; my mind was whirling.

Mike was dead...more people were dying...people were seeing bears...wolf tracks around the victims...

Problems with Jake.

I hadn't let myself think it before, but I instinctively knew that we were in a rocky patch. We were having problems. I embraced the fact that life was hard at the moment, with Mike's death, but I knew deep down that we weren't having problems because of the killings.

We were having problems because I was changing.

My vision blurred, and my blood started to race. I felt weak suddenly, and my heart pounded in my ears. I started panting heavily, and tried to move but I couldn't; my limbs were limp and heavy. The ceiling above my eyes seemed to vibrate and move. I tried to scream, but I couldn't. What was wrong with me?

I felt a sudden burst of dread and I knew what was happening.

I was having a panic attack, or a breakdown, or something unknown, something that I could not stop and made me feel helpless, desperately out of control. The fear choked me, spread inside me and strangled my circulation until I couldn't breathe.

My body seized suddenly; I lifted off the bed with a huge gasp. I collapsed back down and shuddered violently, my mind going into overdrive with the vision of Mike's dead face behind my lids, Jake's hurt one, Alice's eager expression, Edward's intense. All of them merged together to form a frightening image that I knew I didn't want to see.

I began to seize violently, images flashing behind my lids like slides. I shut my eyes tightly, hoping to shove them out but it wasn't working. I rolled on my side, thrashing around, trying to escape the torture; I realized I was dangerously close to falling off of my bed and hitting my head on the floor. That thought choked me and made me froth at the mouth with fear. I was no longer in control of my own actions.

I could feel my mind shutting down, my body going limp and my heart slowing as I fell off my bed and collapsed unwillingly onto the floor, sprawling limply across the cold wood. I could feel what was happening but was powerless to do anything about it.

This had started with Edward's arrival; a storm, rolling in with the tide and changing my life. I could feel Edward was the cause of my changing. The marks that he inflicted on me were permanent; would be with me as long as I lived...even when I died.

That was my last thought.

Then I succumbed to the dark.


	7. Chapter 7

The sirens were the first thing that I registered. I was lying helpless somewhere, moving fast, with lots of people talking over me in rushed, panicked voices. One particularly loud tone stood out from all the rest.

Charlie.

_I'm here Dad._

I tried to speak, but it was useless. I felt pinned down, unable to speak or even move. It was like a vise was clamping down on every area of my body, not permitting me to even move one muscle.

I tried again. _Dad..._

_Can you hear me, Dad?_

"Bella...I'm here...Bella...it's going to be okay...we're going...hospital...hear me, Bella?...are you awake?...be fine..."

Charlie's stricken voice hit all my senses, and I wished that I could speak to him, reassure him that I was all right, that everything was going to be fine.

But as of right now, I wasn't sure if that was the truth. I was all hazy, fading in and out of consciousness, and I could only catch certain words.

I felt a rough bump, and then a cool male voice, detached from all of this, spoke. "Sir...away...ambulance. You aren't...to ride with us."

"She's...daughter..."

"I'm...sir, but...can't...with us."

My world was extremely fuzzy. I was losing consciousness every few seconds and couldn't hold onto a single thought. I could barely hear anything, and the words I had managed to be awake for were soft and faraway, like they weren't really there.

"...You're okay...Bella..."

Then I faded out once again.

I came to with the sounds of bustling all around me. People were shouting, there were electronic noises, and I could hear a steady _beep beep._

I hovered in the void between real life and dreams a few more times, until I gradually became more aware of my surroundings. I flexed my figures minutely and focused my senses.

There was a machine beeping incessantly next to me, and a hot hand resting on top of mine. There was a sound of pacing, and low voices talking at the far right of the room.

I rested, lying still and trying to become accustomed to everything around me – not willing to rush it in case I slipped again. But after a few minutes, I became impatient, and quickly opened my eyes, blinking as I took in the harsh hospital light.

"Bella!"

Charlie had seen my eyes open and he rushed over to me, hovering anxiously above me. Beside him, Jake's brown face peered concernedly down at me.

I felt a rush of irritation. Why was he here? We had a fight, and as far as I was concerned, we had not resolved it. Far from pleasing me, his presence at my bedside annoyed me.

"Hey...Dad," I managed to croak out, my eyes only on him. I would sort out things with Jake later, when I was stronger and more coherent.

Relief washed over his face, and he and Jake laughed weakly.

"I was so worried, Bells. You scared us."

"I'm sorry," I said weakly. I felt guilty. Charlie had been scared, anxious...all because of me. How unnecessary it seemed.

"Don't worry about it, Bells. You're okay now, I think. You had a panic attack. Mike's death just shocked you."

If I focused on his face, I could clearly see Charlie was uneasy, for some reason. My eyes flicked to Jake. He had the same kind of expression, but a lot more stiff, clear anger tracing every plane of his face, barely contained.

"How long was I...out?"

"For about nine hours, Sweetie. You really did a number on yourself."

"Nine hours?" I struggled to comprehend. "What time is it now?"

"It's around 12, I think. Visiting hours are over, but...anyway, you have to stay here overnight."

Something about the way Charlie had cut himself off had made me suspicious. Visiting hours were over, yes, but he was family, not to mention the Chief of Police. Why would he have to worry about visiting hours?

Perhaps he had been talking about Jake?

No, Charlie could have snuck him in. He was a police officer; he didn't have to worry about trivial things like that. Jake would have come with Charlie.

I frowned distractedly. If Jake had been touching me – which I assumed because he was always warm, who had Charlie been talking to? I had sworn there were more than two people in the room...

I struggled to raise my head, and Jake hastened to support the back of my skull with his hand. I looked up, my gaze scanning around the room. There was potted plants, bright lights, a white screen with x-rays splayed haphazardly across it.

But no one.

I looked back at my father and my boyfriend, studying their faces. Jake's was hard with cold fury, because undoubtedly he was angry at me about my swearing at him. Charlie's was uneasy, worried, which was natural, but I detected a slight hint of...confusion?

"What's going on?" I asked bluntly.

They shared a glance before Charlie turned back to me. It seemed unspoken that he would talk, since Jake seemed unable to speak currently.

"You...have a visitor. In the waiting room."

He framed his words carefully. I cocked my head, confused. They were getting this upset about a visitor?

"Who is it?" I asked curiously, flexing my fingers again. I was getting stronger and my head was getting clearer with each passing moment. I could see the tubes pumping fluid in my arm, and I realized I was wearing the embarrassing hospital gown that had no back. Thank God I was lying down.

Charlie shifted uncomfortably, and Jake's face darkened, scowling more than ever. "A boy from your school." Charlie seemed unwilling to say his name.

"What's his name, Dad?" I was getting tired of all this dancing around.

With my luck, it was probably one of my school friends, most likely Jessica, Angela, Eric, or Tyler. They had probably heard all about my stupid panic attack by now and were floating around the hospital, trying to see me and acting all concerned.

"Edward Cullen."

This time Jake was the one to speak, and I glanced at him. He was looking at me with his black, unforgiving eyes, staring down at me with a kind of heavy judgement I couldn't understand.

I swallowed. "Edward's...here?"

"Yes."

"How long?"

Charlie understood my question. "Five hours."

I was shocked. Edward had been waiting to see me for five hours? He actually knew about my panic attack? He cared enough to wait for that long?

"How did Edward know I was here?"

Charlie looked embarrassed. "Well, I told a few people..."

"Dad!" I chastised. Then a horrible thought hit me. "Did you tell Mom?"

Silence.

"Dad!"

"She's your mother, Bells. She had a right to know," he stated, unrepentant.

I had to collect my thoughts. "So, you told his – Edward's – parents? Or it got around to them?"

"No," Charlie said, scratching his head thoughtfully. "I don't know how he knew. Maybe Dr Cullen."

I frowned. "Dr Cullen?"

"Yeah, Edward's dad. He works at the hospital sometimes."

I frowned. Jessica had told me that he stayed at home. I quickly dismissed her explanation. Most likely, she knew nothing.

"Well, Christ, why didn't you send him in?" I exclaimed, sitting up immediately.

Charlie looked confused; Jake scowled. "We weren't sure if you wanted to see him."

"Oh," I said lamely. "Well, I do want to see him. Can you go and get him?" I hated asking them, but if I didn't, then they would leave Edward out there forever and he would think I didn't want to talk to him, when I so desperately wanted to.

Jake and Charlie shared another look. Charlie shrugged and heaved himself off the railing. "Sure. We'll wait outside."

"No," I protested feebly. "You can stay here."

"I'd...rather...not," Jake bit out, seeming to struggle with the words, and Charlie nodded sympathetically. What the fuck? "Come on, Son," he said, guiding Jake out of the room.

I sank back into my pillows, incensed. Since when was Charlie all for Jake? I was aware that my father thought of Jake like a son, but he didn't even know Edward. Why the hell was he taking Jake's side over Edward's? These thoughts continued to swirl around in my head like hot lava, only making me more angry.

"Hello, Bella."

All my rage dissipated with that seductive velvet voice. I smiled widely at Edward, automatically moving up the bed to see him better.

"Hi."

He smiled at me, his glistening teeth shining in the light. It caused me pain to look at him, to see how beautiful he was; it was etched in every plane of his face. My breath caught with desire as he watched me with those hypnotizing eyes.

"How are you feeling?" He took a seat at the far end of the room, where he had apparently been before I had woken up. He gazed at me intensely and I felt my skin begin to heat up under his gaze, sunshine running through my veins. I felt hazy and hot. He always had this effect on me, it seemed.

"I'm doing okay. I had a panic attack after my friend Mike's death...and there was a lot of trouble going on, you know?"

He nodded as though he understood, though there was no way he could have possibly. Hell, I wasn't sure if what I said had even made sense to myself.

"I'm sorry to hear about that." He was composed. "I've been out of school for a couple of days so I didn't know about it."

He said that like I didn't know he and Alice had not been at school. I wasn't about to tell him that I had missed them both desperately and wondered obsessively when they were coming back.

I played it cool. "Were you? Oh, right. Where did you go?"

He seemed amused, judging by the slight smile gracing his lips. "I went camping with my family. I'll be back at school tomorrow, like I told you."

I remembered him telling me he'd be back on Thursday. It was etched in my brain. "Oh. I don't remember."

Edward nodded, and stretched out lazily in his chair. He didn't look like he believed me at all. I was a horrible liar.

Something sparked in my brain and I got curious. "But wait...I thought you said you had a dentist appointment?"

He smirked with victory. "I thought you said you didn't remember?"

Fuck.

"I _just _remembered," I clarified, hoping to save face. He chuckled and splayed his slender white hands out on the arm of the chair.

"Right."

We lapsed into silence and I didn't know what to say; tongue-tied around the god. How would I bring up what I really wanted to talk about?

"Umm..." I voiced, starting a sentence, and then lost my courage.

Edward looked at me curiously. "What is it, Bella?"

"Um...why are you here?"

Edward was puzzled, and slightly hurt. "Do you want me to go?" he rose from his chair.

I panicked. I wasn't ready for him to leave me."No, no. No. I don't mean..._that. _I just mean...well, why did you come in the first place?"

He tilted his head, confusion written all over his face, and a hint of frustration too. "I'm afraid I don't really understand what you're saying."

I flopped back down on my pillow, exasperated. How would I start to explain..."Well, you didn't have to come...and yet you did. I'm just wondering, _why. _I don't mean anything to you, I mean, you don't consider me your friend, or anything..."

Understanding lit up his face and he 'tsk'd. "Oh. I understand now. Bella, Alice and I consider you our friend. Why else do you think I'm here, visiting you? The only reason she isn't here is because she is...indisposed, at the moment. She can't leave the house yet."

My body flushed with pleasure at his admission, but I quickly shook it away. "Well, thank you – but how did you know I was here? My dad says he didn't tell you."

Edward's eyes darkened, till they were almost black. He shook his head, like he was dislodging a negative thought.

"My father told me. He works here occasionally. You know that, Bella." His voice was cautious, controlled.

"And they just hired him? When he only arrived a couple of weeks ago?" I knew the Cullens had arrived only a week before school started.

He stiffened almost imperceptibly. If I hadn't been watching him sharply, I would have missed it."You're sounding loopy. I"ll go get my father."

He walked towards the door quickly, his stride fast and hurried.

"Wait," I called out frantically, but he was already gone, only a swish of unnatural wind to indicate he was ever there.


	8. Chapter 8

I lay there, fuming. I wanted to get out of this bed and march to wherever he was. How dare he just walk away from me? I almost had him. He had been about to crack; he had been about to say why he knew I was there. A couple more seconds and he would have told me everything; he knew it, too. That's why he left so fast.

I just wanted to be told the _truth _for once. I knew he was lying; Carlisle Cullen had not told him about my stay in the hospital, doctor or no doctor – Edward had arrived before him.

I had seen it in his eyes, in the way he grew cold and sharp, protective. But what was he protecting? Did he think he couldn't tell me how he knew?

Did he not trust me?

"Miss Swan?"

My eyes glanced reflexively towards the door, and I gasped quietly.

Striding in was one of the most handsome men I had ever seen. He was like a movie star. Blond, built, and handsome, he was like a Greek God, shining and perfect.

He smiled as he looked at me, and I noticed that his eyes were the same colour as Edward and Alice, as well as being as pale as they were, and as ethereally beautiful.

"Hello, Miss Swan, my name is Carlisle Cullen. I'm your appointed doctor," he told me, checking my charts.

"Right," I mumbled. "Where's Edward?"

He smiled kindly at me. "He's gone to get something to eat."

"Oh." I fell silent, watching Dr Cullen scribble something on my charts and check a few things.

"Have you met Alice?" he asked out of nowhere, still studying the sheets.

"Yes," I murmured. I searched for something nice to say about her. "She's...something."

He chuckled.

"Yeah, that's Alice. You can't really describe her, can you?"

I smiled. "No, you can't. She's very...exciting."

"Yes, she is. I love her very much."

I studied him, his seraphic face glowing at the thought of his adopted daughter. He clearly cared about Alice, as he probably did about Edward, and all his adopted children.

Did Charlie look like that, I wondered, when he talked about me?

"So, Miss Swan, you have to stay overnight for observation, in case you have another episode again, but tomorrow you are free to leave," Dr Cullen concluded, closing the chart and giving me a friendly smile.

_An episode._

He was calling the fact that I had been upset about Mike's death and collapsed, an _episode?_ I wasn't schizophrenic, for God's sake. Gorgeous man or no gorgeous man, he was getting it.

"An episode?" I hissed. Dr Cullen looked up, obviously surprised by my words and tone.

"My friend just died, and I broke down, so you think there's something _wrong _with me? He's DEAD, Dr Cullen! Dead! Gone fucking forever! And so you keep me in hospital, because you're worried I'll have an _episode, _like a fucking schizophrenic person! There's nothing wrong with me, Dr Cullen! Nothing wrong except for the fact that, oh, my friend just died! Do you have any idea what that _means?"_

Dr Cullen was obviously lost for words. He didn't know what to say, or do. I was breathing heavily, my rage already ebbing away. I just needed to get it all off my chest.

"Feel better?"

"Yes. I'm sorry, Dr Cullen, I just...I was upset." Upset was not the word.

He smiled at me kindly again. I immediately felt embarrassed. Carlisle seemed like a perfectly normal, nice man, and I had just exploded at him for his poor choice of words. I felt horrible.

"I'm sorry," I apologised again.

"It's fine. Everyone goes through loss, everyone deals with it differently. I'm sorry for using the word 'episode' to describe your panic attack. It wasn't right."

I nodded at him, not willing to really talk about it, and he smiled again before leaving the room. He smiled too much; I was beginning to think he just liked to show off his white, beautiful teeth.

But that was something he had said; my chest felt lightened, like I had gotten rid of a heavy weight that had been dragging me down. Maybe I had exorcised all my bad and sad feelings about Mike and what had happened to him, not to mention everything else. And it could be only for the good, since it was a bad idea to keep things bottled up.

"Hello, again."

I looked up to find Edward leaning against the doorjamb. As I motioned for him to come in, my earlier annoyance flared up.

"I was asking you something, and you just walked out. I wasn't aware that you could be rude," I accused him.

He grinned. "It was necessary. Your eyes were starting to become unfocused."

"They were not."

But I laughed, despite myself. His eyes were shining and he was in a better mood than I had ever seen him. I couldn't be angry when he was so happy.

"Oh, yes, they were. You were practically about to fall unconscious again. It was my duty to leave the room," he insisted.

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever, Edward. So why did you come back if you consider me a risk?"

He grinned again, showing wide expanses of glittering teeth. "Because I'm your knight in shining armour, sweetheart. You need me by your side."

I ignored his words and focused on the teasing tone. Ignoring the content was what would keep me from melting into a dribbling and incoherent bubble on the floor at his feet. I had to forget his flowery prose in order to have a clear mind.

"Sorry to burst your bubble, but I've been fine for 17 years of life. I don't need a knight in shining armour."

He lost his joking facade as he stared into my eyes relentlessly, and the smile dropped from my face too, forgetting my resolve immediately. I was just focusing on remembering how to breath as I gazed into his seemingly depthless eyes.

"Oh, I think you do," he said quietly, so quietly I wasn't sure I was supposed to hear.

The room was silent except for my breathing. He was too far away for me to hear his own. Edward slowly moved closer to me, leaning over me.

My pulse sped up as I felt his sweet breath wash over my face, and my lips opened just a little. I wanted to have his breath in my mouth. He bent down, until his face was just inches from mine.

If I moved to the left slightly, our lips would be touching.

I jumped as I felt something ice cold close around my wrists, and then relaxed as I realized it was his arm. His lips curved up into a flawless smile as he realized I jumped at the electricity of his touch.

"And how do you feel now?" he whispered, his soft words washing over my mind like an irresistible tide.

"You're amazing, do you know that?" In my lustful stupor, I wasn't sure who had said the words.

I rose up, against my will, my eyes closed, and I moved to the left. His nose touched mine, I moved right slightly, and just like that...we were Eskimo kissing.

"I feel out of control," I breathed back. All my emotions seemed to be on a livewire, taut and magnified to my senses by about a million. I stared into his dark violet eyes, and I knew I would do anything to stay like this forever, locked in this very position. I would rather die than move from where I was.

He looked at me, and it was almost as if he was trying to warn me away. "I can't control myself," he breathed desperately, and the sound was loud in the silent, still room. Even my heart monitor had stopped beeping.

My heart had stopped.

"Why would you need to control yourself?" I searched his face, his eyes, for any sign of a clue as to what he was talking about; but there was nothing. His face was, as always, inscrutable, not even a fleck of emotion on his godlike features.

The words had no sound, they were silent, framed on only my lips, but I know he heard me, somehow; his face closed up, darkened, and I could practically feel him draw away from me, though he didn't physically move one inch.

I stared at him in disbelief. I thought that we were past that.

"It's too much for a little girl to know," he whispered torturously.

I closed my lids to shut out the beautiful image of this god hovering over me. It was easier to be angry at him, to be indignant, if I couldn't see his face taunting me, begging me.

"I'm not a little girl, Edward. You can trust me. Tell me."

I couldn't see him, but I could still feel his cold, sweet breath swishing as he shook his head from side to side in aching denial.

"No...I can't."

_Jacob Black._

_Bella Swan._

_Edward Cullen._

My eyes opened of their own accord; I pushed back, away from his magnetic beautiful violet eyes. He watched me with painful intensity, begging, pleading with me to go away and to come closer.

We had come so far, so quickly, in the past few minutes, in the past half hour, that it almost killed me to pull away.

But I had to.

"I'd like you to leave, please."

I knew the exact moment my words penetrated his consciousness. His eyes dimmed, his head dropped, and he nodded with absolute sadness. He knew exactly why I wanted him to go, and he understood. He was resigned, in fact.

My heart ached.

"Goodbye, Bella. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

The words drifted in the empty, silent room long after he had left it. I listened to them reverberate; a prayer, a curse, a lover's whisper.


	9. Chapter 9

The cafeteria was exactly what I had expected: whispers, looks, shouts, exclamations. All buzzing about Mike's death and the death of the other people in Forks, as well as the oh-so-exciting news that I had collapsed and needed to go to hospital. Over the night, everything that was supposed to be kept hush hush was common news, leaked by god knows who.

Charlie must be having a nightmare, I thought. All those calls, the phone ringing off the hook...

"Thank God, I'm sitting with you," I stated, sitting down across from Edward, pushing my tray onto the table.

He looked up at me with a look that made my breath catch. "Why is that?"

A week had gone by since the moment in the hospital. It was my first day back at school. I had been annoyed when Charlie had kept me home; it had been sunny, such good weather was rare and thus deserved to be taken advantage of. Luckily it was still sunny today.

"Everyone else, especially at my old table, is gossiping about Mike. I don't understand why they can't just let him be dead in peace. It's going to be even worse at his funeral."

I had decided that I would ignore what had almost happened in the hospital room, as well as my request for him to leave the hospital room, and pretend like everything was fine between us. If he didn't trust me, it didn't matter – he would... in time. The only thing I could do was get closer to him, make him see I was worthy.

It was probably just a delusion anyway, brought on by my hysteria and my dizziness. I had, after all, imbibed a generous amount of cold medicine, antibiotics, and drip fluids. It probably never even happened at all.

Although, I knew it did.

Edward's face told me it had happened. The expression on his face, in his eyes, told me that he had not forgotten it, as I had wanted to. The memory of the haunted look in his eyes as he begged me silently to understand was not one that I could ever forget.

It just made my resolve that much weaker.

"Are you attending his funeral?" He watched me intently.

I swallowed heavily. "Yes, I am. I liked him, even though he was annoying sometimes. He was always a good friend."

"I'm sorry, Bella."

My eyebrows rose. "For what? Michael? You didn't do that."

"No, for Wednesday. Last Wednesday."

I looked away. "It's fine."

"No, it's not. You swore at my father-" he chuckled when I looked sharply at him.

"Yes, I heard about that. But not just that. I'm sorry for invading your personal space. You were traumatised, and I probably pushed you even further."

"Edward..." I hated this. "It wasn't that. It's just...I want you to tell me the truth...I want to be trustworthy, and I can't...I cant...god, I'm so disgusting. I'm such an ugly person...but I just want to know, I want you to trust me..."

I was lost for words. He was looking at me with such admiration, such astonishment, that it took my breath away. His beauty just had me gaping. I couldn't believe it, I thought sadly. His perfection saddened me, tortured me.

He reached one long finger out and placed it under my jaw, tilting my shameful gaze up to meet his own, in full view of the entire cafeteria.

"You're not an ugly person, Bella," he said gently.

"Why is Bella not an ugly person?"

I closed my eyes as the loud voice of my boyfriend joined us. Edward's finger dropped back to his side, and I could picture him drawing away again. I shut my eyes, wishing Jacob would disappear.

"Bella thinks she is an ugly person," Edward said smoothly, without a break. I heard Jake's tray clunk down on the table, and it made my stomach clench.

He wouldn't tell him, would he?

"Why does she think she is an ugly person?" Jacob's boisterous voice just grated on my nerves. I sat there, wishing he would drop into a convenient hole, or more hopefully, that I would.

Please don't say it, Edward.

"Because she doesn't know what to get me for my birthday."

My eyes snapped open to see Edward's smirking face.

"Oh. Okay." Jacob frowned.

I could only look at Edward, my mouth hanging open. How had he known about that? I myself had completely forgotten.

"How old are you turning, Edward?"

I took a sip of Coca Cola. "He's turning nineteen."

Edward smiled at me, a private, secretive little smile that I didn't think Jacob was meant to see.

Or maybe he was.

"Really, nineteen? Wow, that's old."

"Old for you, Jacob," Edward remarked, resting his arms behind his head and leaning back, the very picture of a king. "How old are you?"

"I turn seventeen soon." Jacob was getting angry; I could see it in his flared nostrils. He never had a good hold on his temper.

"How nice for you. How old are you, Bella?" Edward asked, addressing me, and Jacob turned to look at me too. I felt my cheeks heat up at all the attention, so I looked down at my plate.

"I'm turning nineteen soon," I said, chewing on a slice of pizza. Edward nodded thoughtfully. I chewed quicker.

"When?"

"Soon."

"Yeah, but what month?" Edward rolled his eyes.

"September."

"_When_ in September? What date?"

"I'm not telling you."

Edward's mouth turned up at the corners. I could tell he was amused. "Why not?"

"Because she just doesn't want to fucking tell you, okay dude?"

Jacob's voice boomed out abnormally loud, and the tables closest to us turned to stare and giggle behind their hands. I groaned lightly.

"Thanks, Jacob," I said sarcastically.

He missed the sarcasm. "No problem."

Did he really think I was thanking him for basically telling Edward to back off?

Edward snorted very lightly from across the table. I raised my eyes to meet him, identical smiles on both of our faces.

"It's September 13th. I don't like to celebrate my birthday," I explained, ignoring Jacob's furious scowl. "Or let anyone know about it."

Edward's expression turned bewildered. "Most people like birthdays," he observed.

"I don't."

"Care to tell me why?" He was curious, and I didn't understand why.

"Whenever my birthday arrives, I'm a year older. Another year...gone from my youth. I hate getting older."

I sounded like a petulant child, and I chuckled to myself, but the smile was instantly gone from his face. He wasn't angry though; he was...thoughtful. Pensive.

"You don't want to get older?" he asked thoughtfully, his eyes probing my face.

"No, I don't. I just...there's something terrifying about growing old, about changing. I'd like to stay as I am, right now. My life is good, and I want everything to just be frozen, forever."

Edward tilted his head. "But don't you want change? That's what getting older is all about, you know, change and experience. You have babies, get married, live your life."

I had almost forgotten Jacob, silent and sulking next to us, until he interrupted. "Bells has never liked babies, have you sweetheart? And she never wants to get married. She's always sworn against that."

He moved closer to me, putting his arm around my shoulder in an unmistakable gesture of possession.

Edward raised his eyebrow at me, as if saying _you're allowing this? _In answer, I shifted slightly away, cringing at his close, and hot, proximity.

"Bella? Can I talk to you outside for a moment?" Jacob asked me suddenly, his eyes on me.

"Um. Sure." I made to get up, and so did Edward.

"Alone," Jacob specified when he saw Edward standing.

Instead of listening to Jacob and sitting back down, though, Edward looked at me, waiting for my decision.

"It's okay," I said quietly, gesturing with my arm.

"If I need you, I'll call."

Edward nodded, and I turned to follow Jacob out of the crowded lunchroom. I could feel Edward's worried, pained eyes on my back, but I forced myself not to look.

Outside, I blinked as rain began to fall on my hair, face and collarbone. The rare sun had clearly disappeared. Jacob whirled to face me, his hair already blackening as the water touched him. His face looked determined.

"Okay. We have to talk."

"What about?" I hadn't resolved everything with Jacob, and I was still holding a grudge against him for not being there when I needed him most. He had betrayed my trust at the most crucial, most important moment.

And Jacob hadn't understood that. If he had apologised, if he had begged profusely and told me that he understood, and tried to comfort me, I would have relented.

But he didn't.

And I didn't.

Jacob couldn't understand why I couldn't deal without him for a few minutes. He brushed aside the fact that he had promised, long ago, to always be there, whenever I needed him. He had promised me, and I had believed him. He had broken it with one moment of not being there at the right time, of arriving late. And he couldn't understand why I was angry at him.

He had brushed aside Mike, brushed aside Edward, brushed aside my feelings of betrayal and fear, and still thought that he was worthy of my trust and forgiveness.

I looked up at his face, the rain falling mercilessly around us, and didn't know what to do. I wavered between decisions, between two very different worlds. I balanced on the precipice, and I didn't know which way to fall.

"You. Edward. What's going on there?"

I had to smile, mirthlessly, because he still didn't get it.

The issue wasn't Edward, although he was a part of it. If Jacob had stayed as the person I wanted him to be, needed him to be, Edward would never be part of this.

Though there was a part of me that knew I was lying.

"This isn't about Edward."

"Then what is it about? Tell me, Bella," he suddenly pleaded, falling to his knees before me, his wet hair sticking to his face.

"I've gone crazy these last few days. I don't know where we stand, what's going on...I'm totally confused."

"It's about you, Jacob."

"What do you mean, Bella?" His deep brown eyes shined with unshed brimming tears and heartache, but I couldn't finish.

"I'm a horrible person. I know that."

I'm going to hell. I already have someone. So why am I pining over some other guy, here as I make this horrible, horrible speech to the person I have loved for the past two years?

I have an answer to that question. It doesn't even need to be asked.

Because I'm ugly. I'm an ugly person. But I don't care. Because I need him, and I crave him, and the life he represents. No matter what.

"Tell me, Bella. COME ON," Jacob roared suddenly. "Tell me that I'm not worthy. Tell me that you don't love me. Come on, Bella, tell me!"

I blinked back tears, but it was pointless; they came pouring on, mixing with the heavy rain as I stood before the first boy that I had noticed, the only boy who I had ever kissed, and the boy who broke my heart so I decided to break his.

"You are worthy, Jacob. It's not that, it's...so complicated."

His bravado demeanour suddenly vanished, and he was the pleading little boy again, scared and alone. "Why do this? I love you."

I choked when he declared his love.

I couldn't help it; I was feeling crowded and claustrophobic, standing here with him kneeling before me. As I gagged, he heard me, and his eyes narrowed, before the most painful look crossed his face.

"I can't trust you at the moment, Jacob. Everything's just...so fucked up. I think...I think we need to take a break. Or...maybe more. I don't know. Maybe a break? Or...if we, broke up? I don't know, Jake. I just need time. Space. A lot of it."

Jacob stood suddenly, and he towered over me. I felt very small and vulnerable, something I had never felt before in his presence. Real fear and terror raced up my spine as I gazed up at his cold face.

"I know what you mean," he breathed softly, despite his fury lined face. "We do need a break. I know, I know, I know," he repeated, resigned now.

"I'm sorry, Jacob. Not right now, okay? But...I don't know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"I still love you, Bella," he promised. "I'll always love you – I lied – forever – I'm sorry–" He turned and walked away rapidly; not bothering to go back into the cafeteria but instead heading into the parking lot. But before he turned I thought I glimpsed the very beginning of silver tears streaking down his face.

He walked in a straight line, straight towards the woods; I stood and watched him – past crying now – but he didn't turn once.


	10. Chapter 10

I watched from the shadows outside her window; a silent, deadly predator as she slept. She tossed and turned, as if the sea was shaking her roughly in her dreams. Perhaps she was having a nightmare? It could be that she was still distraught over her friend Mike's death.

I would never know. Her thoughts were shielded from me, permanently, impenetrably.

Her breathing was slow, even, matching the pounding of her heart, despite her movement.

I studied her face; the skin was flushed, sweaty. I longed to see her blush, like she did whenever I graced her with my words.

My eyes focused on her neck. Seeing the hot blood pump through her translucent skin, racing through her veins, was such a temptation, like always. It wasn't a new thing, but it never lost its appeal.

My mouth watered as I visualised attaching my mouth to her untainted, porcelain skin; breaking through it, tearing into it, making her bleed, the hot blood rushing into my eager mouth...

"You are mine," I whispered sensually, almost breathing the words. She twisted in her bed, but I didn't care. I knew there was no way she could hear me from my distance. She was only human, after all. I was too far gone, too focused on the pulse point in her wondrous neck, where all her lovely blood beat a tattoo...

I was too thirsty. I knew from the moment I had made the rash decision to come here that it would be a high risk. After all, I had zero tolerance, as Alice had warned me earlier. And there was nothing to stop me from crossing the room and drinking hungrily from the pulse point that beat tauntingly at me; ripping open her skin and draining her dry.

But I had made an oath to myself that she would not become a victim; she was too special for that. I made myself swallow down the venom, making myself control my thirst. She would not be killed. She was infinitely too precious.

If I killed her, I would be satisfied by her blood only once. If I kept her alive, I could be with her again and again.

The girl was intriguing. She was eloquent, interesting, brilliant. I couldn't bear to waste her mind and talents by drinking from her. And there were benefits to keeping her around. Such as her _smell..._it was invigorating, and sent a rush through my body of stone. She resurrected things, feelings, in me that I thought were long dead. She was perfect.

I couldn't stay away from her...and yet, it was necessary to her survival, imperative, that I do so.

I was dangerous, a predator, and I could kill her so easily. But the girl didn't seem to have any warning bells about me, and she persisted, stubbornly determined, in talking to me, despite my aloofness. I wondered why. It was probably the allure that we, as a species, sent out to humans. Our unnatural beauty, sweet smell...the girl would, undoubtedly, be strongly attracted to me. It was just a matter of whether I wanted her to be or not.

No, that was a fallacy. I knew what I wanted. I did want her to be attracted to me. I wanted her to be mine, I wanted to drink from that forbidden nectar, but there were obstacles standing in the way.

The boyfriend, for one. A small obstacle, to be sure after all. They were already broken up, or on a _break_, as the humans said, but...he was Quileute, he would know if I drank her dry, and on principle I secretly despised him and his tribe – from fifty years ago – but I would never make her choose. At least, not yet. I feared that she would pick him. After all, the girl barely knew me, despite her badly concealed desire to want to, and despite our already close friendship and growing relationship.

Another obstacle was the fact that we were so different, so separate – a relationship between us was unheard of, at least in my family.

I was debating what to do about this delectable girl, because I knew something had to be done. The boyfriend wasn't even a factor in my plans – she was _mine, _or she would be – she was addicting and enticing. Such a person could only be meant for me.

I could leave her, to become no more than a frightening nightmare...but that caused unspeakable pain to racket straight to my chest, almost doubling me over with the force of it. I instantly proceeded onto the next option, not willing to face that much hurt and angst.

If she found out, I would either have to kill her or turn her. But I doubted that would happen; she was smart, yes, but we were the stuff of fairy tales. Not even her more than capable abilities would figure it out. She would only know unless the Quileutes or I told her. I had never encountered a human that had suspected before, and I doubted that she would be the exception. But, it was true that she was the exception to my mind reading ability, perhaps it would be the same...

I could carry on a friendship with her, unravelling her secrets, knowing her life, until I deemed her uninteresting and move on. That was the smart thing to do, because eventually she would prove to be as generic as Mike Newton had been, before he died.

And the final option...I could pursue her, win her over with my considerable charms. She would be willing, naturally – who could resist us, after all...but was it fair to her? It wasn't the safest or the smartest idea, for Bella to be around me on a day to day basis.. But it was preferable...

I decided that I would just let things unfold, let the chips fall where they may, and not act straight away on any of my options. I would do what I wanted, as usual, and I would face whatever the consequences happened to be. I would follow my selfish desires and socialise with this human. Whatever will be, will be.

So I stood there, watching, waiting, dreaming...

She twisted and moaned in her sleep; I was instantly erect and alert, watching her intently, with concern. Was she okay? She seemed to mutter some words before turning over.

"Stay...please."

I smiled; apparently she talked in her sleep. How interesting, it was possible that her silent mind might become more apparent to me, if I watched her sleep. She was a captivating siren and her blood just made her more desirable. This was my first night visiting her, and although it was foolish, _I just couldn't stay away..._

I was dreaming.

There were faceless people, mixed colours, and streams of talking, a russet skinned boy crying and watching me intently from his knees, and, clearest of all, seductive words whispered in my ear, as if from a lover. But I had no lover...

An image flashed in my mind, again and again and again, registering longer than any of the others; a perfect boy with gold hair and violet eyes, lying in a meadow, singing a melody sweetly.

"You are mine," he crooned softly into my ear, his sickeningly sweet breath washing across my face.

How could I ever think of staying away from this wonderful piece of creation? It would be a waste, and that would be too terrible torture to contemplate. And by this point, I quite believed that it was too late to turn away, too late for me to have any future but with him. I was irreversibly altered just by his gaze.

"Stay, please..."

The day of Mike's funeral dawned with cold, icy rain, thunder, and lightning. Weather that seemed only fitting for a funeral. My dreams had been visited by something special, something I couldn't remember but which I knew was pleasant.

The whole town had turned out to say farewell to the high school boy; he was one of their own. I stood by the graveyard, wrapped in my coat but still shivering, with my blue umbrella held firmly above my head, beating off the rain and listening to the preacher talk about death.

I internally scoffed. He knew nothing about death or loss. When he experienced it himself, then he had earned the right to talk about it.

I turned and looked at the people gathered here today. Many of them I knew; Mike's parents, Angela, Jessica, Tyler, Eric, many other kids from school that were nameless and faceless; kids that didn't know Mike, didn't like him, didn't deserve to be here today...Charlie, Billy Black, Jacob, some Quileute kids, Jessica's parents, Angela's dad...

Edward.

I gasped as my eyes locked with his hypnotic stare. What was he doing here? I hadn't been aware that he and Mike had been friends; in fact, I had thought that Mike had despised him and the feeling being mutual; because in my experience, if you loathed someone, they usually loathed you back.

_Let us commend Michael Newton to the mercy of God._

But here Edward was, standing by the grave, framed by the trees, in a black suit that only served to make him more sinfully handsome than he already was. He was the only one who wasn't holding an umbrella. I began to shake under the intensity of his stare; only he had this effect on me. His eyes boring into mine made me feel hot all over, like he could see all of me underneath the deep black dress I was wearing. It was as if we were the only two people standing here; everything else blurred. It was the first day of school all over again.

_We therefore commit Michael's body to the ground; earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust; in the sure and certain hope of the Resurrection to eternal life._

He began to make his way towards me when the priest said his final words. Smoothly, silkily, our eyes still connected, and I desperately tore my gaze away, stumbling into an older woman in my haste to escape. I really didn't want to talk to him at this funeral, where it was so very possible that I would break down.

I began to walk, fast, towards the exit. Charlie would understand. I tossed the umbrella to the side, not caring if I got wet. My strides got longer and faster.

"Bella!"

Jake.

I reluctantly turned around. I knew Edward wouldn't approach me if anyone else was there, or at least I hoped, but I was still wary. I wasn't ready to talk to anyone, much less him.

"What is it, Jake?"

He came to a stop three feet away from me, panting. He had obviously run to get to me in time before I left. I watched him neutrally, without any expression. If he was here to try and gain my forgiveness, he could forget it. I wouldn't take him back; I couldn't take him back, because I couldn't trust him.

"Bella, are you okay?" His face creased with concern, sympathy, sadness, all these emotions that made me want to strangle him. Though, even with all that, his question was just a formality, as if he already believed that I was fine, and just felt obligated to ask it.

I scoffed loudly, not even bothering to answer. What a stupid question. Everytime he tried to make things better, he only ended up making bigger mistakes. Jake flinched, and seemed to understand he had said the wrong thing.

Edward was standing twenty metres away, watching me motionlessly, leaning against a gravestone. I found I was staring at him over Jacob's shoulder. Even from this distance, his eyes smouldered, though his face was hard and unreadable.

I returned my attention to Jake, still looking at me with concern in his brown puppy eyes. Didn't he understand that we were taking a break? As in, I didn't want to see him for a few months.

"Am I okay? Am I okay?" I repeated hoarsely, my voice rising to a screech. "One of my school friends is dead, and you're asking me if I'm okay?"

I stepped predatorily closer to him, my vision hazed over with red, and I saw the exact moment that he realized he had unintentionally baited me. His mouth hung open, his eyes wide; he took a step back. The rain beat down on his hair, wetting it, making it droop across his forehead, and I blinked the droplets out of my eyes, not letting my expression stray. It was like deja vu all over again. Were we really doing this?

"Bella, I didn't mean..." Jake tried, but I cut across him in a scream.

"NO! You were being stupid, Jake. Thoughtless boy that you are, you assumed that I would just answer you as if nothing at all had happened. As if I would take you back, so easily, after you abused my trust. Or...is that what you think? Someone died, we broke up, and nothing at all has happened! We're just going to go back to the way we were?" I screamed at him, aware of Edward still watching me, still unreadable.

"Bella, I'm sorry, you know I didn't mean it...I love you, sweetheart..." he trailed off, clearly longing to find the right words, to reconcile us. But he was too late. There were no words.

"Do you still not get it, Jake? Someone has fucking died."

I leaned in close to him, my dripping hair falling around my face as my lips twisted up into a vicious sneer. "And I know you, Jake Black. I know how stupid you are, how thoughtless. And right now, I want to be alone."

I pushed him, and in his surprise that I had managed to physically move him away, he fell limply into the mud. I leaned over him like a destroying angel. How ironic.

"Jake, I'm not breaking up with you. Just right now, I can't handle seeing your face. So please, take the hint. We're taking a break. I don't want you to contact me for a while, okay? I need to deal."

He flinched again, this time a look of pain crossing his features, and perversely I felt a rush of pleasure at the thought of hurting him.

I pivoted and stormed angrily away, not caring what he thought, not bothering to look at Edward. If he wanted, he could follow. My words did not apply to him.

The walk home would take a while, but I took my time, despite the rain, not wanting to be stuck alone in the house before Charlie got there. I stewed angrily as I strode, fuming about Jacob's inability to be tactful when I was upset.

Idiot...I needed comfort right now, not stupid questions and half hearted apologies, wheedles to try and get back into my good books. I needed tenderness and understanding.

I needed...Edward.

As soon as my mind thought that forbidden thought, I instantly knew he was walking behind me. The air seemed to get heavier, darker, and my whole body flowed and sizzled with the electric current that I had felt every time I was near him. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on alert, and I couldn't stop myself from shivering with pleasure.

I took a step and then swung my whole body around, planting my feet on the dangerous ice that covered the streets. Edward was there, looking at me with humour in his glorious eyes.

"Something funny?" I snapped.

His entertainment only seemed to heighten with my words, making me more annoyed.

"Just your kitten anger back there. Black seemed terrified, though I can't imagine why."

I grinned, licking my lips. "He has more sense than you do," I replied, advancing on Edward. He just seemed unfazed, though, and glanced down at me with patience.

"Hmm, I suppose you're right. A man with sense would be with you." He winked roguishly at me.

I swallowed heavily, all my anger vanished. I could never be angry at him, I realized. He would break down all my defences. But was he flirting with me? It sounded like it.

I smiled back. "Well, a woman with sense would be with you," I stated boldly. Let him chew on that. I may have denied him in the hospital, but I wasn't denying him now.

He chuckled – the sound like music – and moved closer to me. "Do you want me to walk you home?"

I nodded gratefully. There were bears or wolves out there, or possibly a killer, and even though I didn't really care right now, I was not stupid enough to go off on my own if help was offered.

"Yes, thank you."

The stroll was surprisingly enjoyable. We didn't hurry, because there was no time limit set on the walk back. He asked me about my parents, hobbies, favourite books, movies, and had me laughing more than a few times. I tried to ask a bit about his family and his life, but he clammed up and didn't really offer more than what Alice had already explained; only vague explanations.

But it turned out he was a deep fan of alternative music, especially Placebo, but disagreed with me on their best songs; he thought Kings of Medicine and I thought Breathe Underwater. He liked philosophy, knew four languages (French, Italian, Spanish, and Chinese), and loved to hike.

He was descriptive and was passionate. He laughed and grinned and was gentlemanly. He was intense and brilliant and scary at times. He was insanely beautiful and completely charming. He was perfect, and I was blatantly aware of where we both stood in the world; at opposite ends of the spectrum. It only made him more unattainable and, to be honest, more desirable.

He deposited me at my house without so much as a goodbye, and I was once again thrown by his contrary behaviour. Watching him disappear into the rain made me long to follow him, to know where he was going. Edward was full of mysteries, and I only wanted to uncover them.

I walked upstairs and went straight to the bathroom, looking in the mirror. My physical appearance seemed to have changed. My mouth was harder, as were my eyes, and my skin seemed to be darker, more coloured, older. I looked touched by experiences, and my face showed hints of violent, rich living.

Was it because I felt older with Mike's death, or could it be my continuous and seemingly never ending fights with Jake? Or could it be possibly my friendship – or whatever it was – with Edward?

I realized, as I stared hard into the mirror, that Edward had taken my mind off the funeral and all the dark, bad things that had been creeping up in my mind. He had taken a sad day, a terrible day, and turned it into one where I could laugh, where I could flirt, where I could notice things.

Jake had annoyed me when he had tried to console me, trying to play the concerned boyfriend as if nothing had happened; yet Edward hadn't consoled me, but he had understood me and my yearn for freedom, he had encouraged me, and I was feeling much better – because of him.

I was still smiling when I fell asleep that night.


	11. Chapter 11

"That boy is very upset about what happened, Bells," Charlie was saying, looking concerned over his coffee cup.

I rolled my eyes. "I know, Dad, I know. I just...was upset. Very upset. I need some time, to myself." I was really hoping that he would leave it alone. I wasn't ready to go into Jake-discussing mode.

"I know, Bella, but you have to forgive him. Hell, anyone would have said the same thing, right?" He gave an awkward laugh, implying that he would have made the same mistakes, if he had gotten to me before Jake had.

But I wasn't laughing, nor worried about Jake anymore. I had made my decisions, and I told him to make his. I couldn't really do anything other than that.

Instead, I was thinking of the way Edward had comforted me two weeks ago, without seeming to comfort me at all. I was thinking of the moment where he had nearly kissed me in the hospital and after the funeral, when he had walked me home and flirted with me.

"No, Dad, not anyone."

He quietened then, seeming to notice my serious tone.

The thing was, Edward Cullen had occupied every thought of mine ever since that day. Mysterious, brilliant, and beautiful, he haunted my waking life as well as my dreams. I spent every minute with an almost painful longing for him; his voice, his face, everything he knew, I craved it like a drug. I had gotten a small look into that world of absolute freedom and now I just wanted more, with violent intensity that thrilled and scared me at the same time.

Charlie broke into my reverie. "Have a good day at school today, alright kiddo?"

"Yeah Dad, I will."

Today would be the first day I was back at school after Mike's funeral, along with many other kids who were granted leniency. I wasn't too nervous or upset anymore, mainly because I had spent the two weeks crying and thinking about Edward and Alice, craving help in only how they knew to do it.

Jake didn't even occupy my thoughts anymore.

"Okay, kid, see you later."

It was clearly my dismissal. Rising from the kitchen table, I grabbed my backpack and a granola bar and headed out the door to my truck.

"Stay safe," he called out after me.

"I will," I yelled back. Charlie had been very protective over the past three weeks. The murders had escalated, and practically everyone was tiptoeing on eggshells, making sure they were in by night, going places in groups, letting at least one person know where they were going. Six more people had died; there were mutters that I overheard when I was at the police station of the FBI being called in.

These were the most murders taking place in Forks history, and Charlie could no longer say it was bears. It was obvious that the killings were more sophisticated than that.

It was a very sombre time.

I got to school and was immediately accosted by Jessica, who had red puffy eyes. Someone had been crying this morning.

"Oh my God, Bella, how have you been?"

"I've been better," I said dully. "How about you?"

That was the wrong question, as it launched a long story about all of Jessica's feelings and the 'emotional roller coaster' that she had to go through.

Yawn.

I immediately felt guilty. Yes, Jessica was annoying, but she loved Mike, she really did, and of course she missed him. It wasn't her fault that I was sick to death of other people talking.

The rest of the day passed much the same. Jacob tried to talk to me, I ignored him, people gushed over how much they had missed Mike, and I didn't see Edward or Alice at all. Except when I went to the bathroom, of course.

This morning I had caught Alice with her fingers holding her eyelids open, about to place something in. She quickly dropped them and turned to me.

"Bella, how are you?" she asked excitedly. "I missed you. I haven't seen you in awhile."

"Um, I'm fine." Very surprised to see Alice, in fact, who acted as if she had been there all the time.

"No you're not," she said, waving her arm around. "But you will be, don't worry."

She winked at me and then danced out of the bathroom before I could ask her any questions, starting with where she had been the past three weeks.

"So, Bella, your friend's name...Mike, was it?" Alice asked, playing with her ring.

"Yeah," I said, swallowing. I felt a cold pressure on my hand and looked down to see Edward had placed his hand on mine, looking at me with concern. He was obviously worried to see if I would break down. I studied the ring he always wore with intensity, trying to control my tear ducts; I didn't want to break down in front of these two.

"I was sorry to hear about that," Alice cooed. "Tell me...what was he like?"

"Alice."

The two of us turned to look at Edward quizzically. He was staring at Alice meaningfully. "Bella was very upset about his death. Drop the subject."

Alice nodded slightly. "Oh, I'm sorry, Bella, I didn't realize."

"It's okay, Alice. I'm fine. I had a big sob fest, and then it was sort of okay. You know, I'm dealing," I added lamely, in an attempt to reassure her.

She cast around for another subject to land on. "So...what are you doing after school, Bella?"

I shrugged. I hadn't really been planning on anything, but now that I thought about it, I realized that I needed a trip to the grocery store. Charlie never shopped, and my last shopping trip was about three weeks ago.

"Um, probably just going food shopping. What about you?"

Alice brightened. "Really? I am too! Do you mind...if we go together?"

"No, of course I don't mind. Should we go in your car or mine?"

As Alice decided, I snuck a look at Edward. He was leaning back in his chair, hands splayed behind his head, the picture of relaxation – which didn't work with the tense look on his face.

"Edward, how about we go in your car?" Alice chirped.

His face darkened.

"I rode with you today, and I really don't think Bella's truck could make it," she added, giving him a meaningful look.

His expression changed instantly. "Sure, Alice. I'll drive you both there and you can ring me when you want to be picked up."

I glanced at him, puzzled in his change in demeanour, and he winked at me. Instantly I blushed bright red, and a slightly pained look passed over his features before he rearranged them into the smile he had on before, all in just one second.

If I had blinked, I would have missed it.

"Come on, Bella, time for Biology," he said, holding his arm out for my books.

"I'll take them," he said firmly when I tried to argue. "It's the gentlemanly thing to do."

"Fine," I pouted, and he laughed heartily. My anger seemed to amuse him, which only infuriated me more.

Alice gave him a knowing look, said her goodbyes, then pecked me on the cheek and danced off to her afternoon classes. I stared after her, confused and more than a little entranced. I wasn't a lesbian, but there was something about Alice that made any girl feel a little giddy. I raised my hand to the spot where she had kissed me. Edward chuckled, obviously seeing the exchange.

"She's always like that with people she likes. Let's go, we're going to be late."

After school, the three of us bundled into Edward's Volvo, receiving lots of attention from the student body and causing me to scrunch down in the front seat, Alice sitting in the back despite my protests.

"So, Bella, which grocery store?"

I bit my lip. "Um, Safeway. It's closest."

Edward nodded shortly and started the car, smoothly pulling out of the parking lot and turning onto the road.

The drive was short and full of conversation. I mainly listened as Alice chattered on and I also intercepted a few choice glances from Edward, which I didn't really understand.

But when did I understand anything about him anyway?

"We're here," Edward told me, interrupting my thoughts. He parked outside the store entrance and turning to look at me. "How long will you be?"

Alice answered. "Probably just an hour. I'll call you when we're ready to be picked up."

Edward grinned. "Okay. Goodbye, Miss Alice and Miss Bella."

"Goodbye, Mr. Edward!" I shouted, laughing. Time spent with Alice and Edward was so enjoyable. I could be with them forever.

Alice giggled and she linked arms with me, prancing into the store as Edward reversed out of the lot.

Shopping with Alice was enjoyable. She laughed and talked about the different types of food and what food brands she preferred – the more expensive ones – which somehow turned to fashion names after awhile. But it was funny to watch her, so I didn't say anything.

I quickly found out that she had no regard for cost and would toss something in the shopping cart just if it caught her eye, or if she liked the packaging. My mouth continually dropped in astonishment as I watched Alice rack up more than two hundred dollars worth of food. My own pile looked meager and tiny next to hers.

The only problem I had with her idea of shopping was when we had finished picking out our purchases and got to the counter. Alice insisted on paying for everything; even though she was tiny, the force of her personality was staggering.

"Let me pay, Bella. You have practically nothing there, and look at my purchases!" Alice crossed her arms over her chest, stubbornly decided.

"That doesn't mean I can't pay for myself."

Alice ignored me, turning to the person behind the register, who was watching me in disbelief, obviously wondering why I didn't want to get groceries free of charge.

"Use this credit card to pay for all the purchases, please."

"No!"

But the damage had been done; the lady took the shiny black card, winking at me as if she had done me a favour. I slumped back against the wall, sulking.

Alice grinned in victory.

Outside in the parking lot, Edward's silver Volvo was idling about fifty feet away, waiting for me and Alice to hop in. Alice tucked my arm through hers securely and made sure I was welded tightly to her side before we even moved one step, for some odd reason.

We were just crossing the lot when we were stopped by a brown skinned girl with deep black hair and a silver nose stud, glinting in her nose. She looked ferocious.

"Are you Bella?" she asked, her cold gaze trained on me.

I nodded, unsure what she wanted. "Who are you?"

"My name's Leah. I have a message for you, from Jake."

Alice interrupted; her face suddenly so cold and angry that I shuddered. She showed no trace of fear and stared down Leah, despite the fact that she towered over Alice.

"Leave. Bella has no wish for messages from her ex boyfriend."

Leah glanced down at Alice, eyebrows raised. "Excuse me? _Bella,_" she pronounced my name with a sneer, "can make her own decisions. And he isn't her ex, in fact. They're taking a break."

Alice snorted delicately. "Yeah, sure. _Break."_

Leah growled and stepped towards Alice menacingly, who tilted her face up arrogantly and moved to meet the bigger girl, only standing inches away from each other.

"You have something to say?" Alice asked coldly.

Leah blinked at Alice a couple times, as if just recognising her. "I know who you are," She proclaimed. "You're a _Cullen."_

"Yes, I am. Alice Cullen."

Leah's expression changed into one of extreme hatred and disgust that shocked me with its ferocity, but not as much as what she did next.

She spoke a few cold words in some other language, and spit on Alice.

Alice bristled, and her face suddenly was shadowed by a murderous anger that frightened me. She was obviously readying for a fight, and took a step towards the bigger girl, who was already shaking with fury.

"Enough!"

I interrupted then, scared that it was actually going to turn into a physical fight. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward get out of the car, watching us with fury. He was going to intercede if anything went further.

Leah turned to me, her face still murderous in its hatred. I found myself shrinking back from the venom displayed on her flawless features.

"Jake wanted me to say he was sorry."

Then she turned and ran away, towards a car that was idling, much like Edward's, twenty yards away. She jumped in and the car sped off, its tires squealing. I only got a quick glimpse of three black haired boys with russet skin as the car roared past us.

Alice pulled on my arm, making me face her. She scanned my face quickly, the angry look gone.

"Are you okay?"

I was more than a little shocked, and very confused, too, by the venomous display of hatred from both Leah and Alice. I was very annoyed by Jake's sad attempt at an apology, because clearly he still didn't understand that just saying sorry wouldn't help anything, especially if it came from someone else. He couldn't do anything right.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Alice's face was a mixture of anger and pity. "I'm sorry, Bella. I shouldn't have let her talk to you...Edward told me you're upset with your boyfriend."

I shook my head. "No, it's okay. You couldn't have predicted what would happen."

A slight grimace crossed across Alice's face. "I suppose. Leah is from the Quileute tribe. You know them, right?"

I nodded in recognition at the word 'Quileute'. Jake had told me quite a bit about his heritage before our split and I had met some of his tribe friends, Quil, Seth, and Embry.

"Yeah...well, they don't like us, and we don't like them."

"Okay." I was sure there was more to the story, but I sensed that Alice didn't like people prying, so I left it alone.

The drive home was mostly silent, a vivid contrast to the ride to the grocery store. Alice and Edward dropped me off at my house pretty quickly, saying they would see me tomorrow. I smiled and waved before heading into my house.

Charlie still wasn't home, so I started dinner, using the groceries Alice had paid for earlier. As I settled into the familiar, comfortable routine, my fear and confusion vanished, and I smiled as my earlier good mood settled back over me.


	12. Chapter 12

"So, Bella, what do you think?"

I snapped out of my funk and blinked at Angela and Jessica.

"Sorry, what?"

"Our group is having a sort of...memorial for Mike, just us, and we wanted to know if you would like to come," Angela repeated patiently.

She had been such a good friend these past three months, comforting Jessica and the boys every time they got sad or Jessica burst into tears, and whenever I started thinking about the strange hatred between the Cullens and the Quileutes, Angela noticed my withdrawal from the conversation and drew me out quietly.

"Yeah, yeah, sure. I'd love to come."

Jessica smiled slightly. She had been more reserved since Mike's death, almost two months ago. "Thanks, Bella. Um..."

She hesitated in her next sentence, and I frowned, curious.

"What is it, Jess?"

"Well, I was just wondering if you'd like to stay at my house the night before, with Angela. Because we're all meeting there in the morning and leaving together, because my mother says it's dangerous to be going alone..."

I nodded in understanding. 11 more people – at least, that I knew about – had died since then, and Charlie was still no closer to figuring out the mystery than he was then, despite the frequent bear sightings around the dead victims.

"Right, no I understand. When is it?"

"Not for awhile. We think it's better to leave some time before having a memorial. Bella...some of the people from La Push will be there, you know, Mike's friends. So I understand if you don't want to come."

My stomach had plunged uncomfortably at the mention of the Quileutes, but I pasted a tolerant smile on my face. "No, that's fine. I'm totally okay."

Angela smiled hesitantly back.

Most of the student population knew about Jacob and my ever growing friendship with the Cullens, and all of them were aware of the feud going on between the Quileutes and Alice.

As it turned out, Leah from La Push was a violent gossip who made sure everyone knew that she had spit in Alice Cullen's face. Luckily, I hadn't been approached by Jacob or any of his friends since then, so I could finally relax.

"Okay. So it's all right that they'll be there, for sure?"

Everyone was walking on egg shells around me and I hated it. I wasn't some delicate porcelain doll that could be damaged at the slightest touch. That role seemed – at least, it did to me – to be reserved for Alice, who was infinitely more dainty and smaller than I was.

"Yes, that's fine."

I smiled at Angela and Jessica and they grinned back. I finally felt like maybe things were returning to normal, instead of an upheaved state.

Lunchtime had been more enjoyable as of late, because Jake had dropped out of school – the school administration had decided to not accept him here, luckily – and I didn't have to constantly face him pressuring me to talk to him. The other reason I had found myself enjoying school was the fact that Edward and I had become very close over the past couple of months.

We found it easy to ignore the undercurrent of electricity that passed between us, mainly due to Alice's presence, which defused any tension. Edward often stared at me blatantly, but I also found that easy to brush aside. I no longer felt guilty when I looked at Edward, because I knew I hadn't done anything to deserve that guilt.

"Hey, Bella," Alice greeted breezily, laying down her tray and joining me at the table.

"Hi, Alice."

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine today." I rolled my eyes. Alice had asked me the same question every day ever since that time outside the grocery store. While it was slightly annoying, the fact that she actually cared about my feelings endeared her to me and made us fast friends.

"Okay." Alice chuckled.

"Where's Edward?" I hadn't seen him in the cafeteria, and he hadn't been at the table when I sat down.

"Oh, I think he's gone to the bathroom. He'll be here in a minute," Alice stated, drinking from her heavy silver flask, which was always by her side. Edward had a similar model. I had asked them about it once, and they said that they were worried about getting poisoned. I hadn't been able to tell if they were joking or not.

"Oh, right. How come you both go to the bathroom so often? Have you got a genetic bladder problem you need to tell me about?" I joked.

Alice's eyes hardened slightly. "Hardly. No, it's just a coincidence, I guess. I'm always in there applying makeup, but god knows what Edward's doing in there."

I laughed; the image of what Edward could be up to was hilarious. Alice joined in, and the sound was all silver, a wind chime.

"Right...hey, what are you doing this weekend?" I asked.

"Camping, probably."

"Wow, your family really gets into the outdoorsy stuff, huh?" It seemed like the Cullens were always hiking or camping.

"You have no idea," Alice laughed. "Why?"

"Well, my friends are having a memorial for my other friend, Mike, and I wanted to know if you would go. Some of the Quileutes are going to be there, though." I wanted to give her fair warning.

Alice gave me an apologetic smile. I knew what was coming even before she said it.

"Sorry, Bella. I don't think I'd be able to come if people from La Push are there. We really don't get along. I'm sorry; I really would like to be there. I'd love to remember Mike."

I nodded. "I understand."

I wouldn't like to attend a memorial service with the people I hated most, either. It would make for a pretty horrible memory.

"Yeah. Where is it, anyway?"

"Um, I don't know. Angela never mentioned it."

Alice seemed to contemplate something. "Well, tell me the details later, and I'll see if I can make it. I probably won't be able to come, though. Sorry."

"Why are you sorry?"

I looked up at Edward, who was sliding neatly into his chair across from me. He smiled at me when he saw me watching him.

"Oh, Alice was just telling me that she couldn't come to Mike's memorial," I explained.

"Didn't he already have a funeral three months ago?" Edward asked.

"Yes, but my friend Angela just wanted to say a few words, I think, just his closest friends, and...some other kids."

"Some other kids?" Edward queried, obviously picking up on the nervous note in my voice, and, naturally, the one I least wanted to talk about.

"Ummm..." I hesitated. "Yeah. Some of the teenagers from the reservation."

"Oh." Edward nodded in lightning fast understanding. He looked at Alice.

"Is that why you're not going?"

"Yeah," she said, taking a sip of her flask. "I don't want a fight."

Edward grimaced. "Half of those kids are massive monsters, Alice. You're right to not want a fight."

Alice crossed her arms over her chest, angry and indignant. She was so tiny, though, so the effect wasn't menacing at all, just very funny.

"I could take any one of them."

Edward inclined his head. "True."

I looked at him incredulously. Was he joking? Alice was absolutely tiny.

But before I could voice my opinion, Edward said, quite seriously, "Do you want me to come along, Bella?"

Alice raised her eyebrows with interest, obviously knowing exactly what he meant. I, however, was mystified.

"Come along where?"

"To your friend's wake."

What? "Why?"

"To make sure you're safe," Edward explained.

I was bewildered and touched. Did Edward really care so much about me as to offer to go along to a place where people he hated and who hated him would be?

"Right. Well, I think I'll be fine. Jake won't come near me, at least, I hope he won't. My friends will be there," I offered.

Edward's eyebrows knitted together. "Okay...if you're sure. But tell me if you change your mind."

"Sure."

The rest of lunch passed with easy chatter from both Edward and Alice, and I enjoyed the relative comfort and happiness I felt in their presence.

Why was that, I wondered, when at my old table, I had only felt tension and annoyance? I glanced over at the remaining occupants of my old table, and they were all huddled together, seeking comfort from closeness.

I felt a surprising emptiness fill me as I watched them. They no longer made any noise about me sitting here; they seemed to understand that Edward and Alice were my form of recovery.

"Bella," Edward said, "The bell's rung. We better get to Biology."

I made a face. Banner had only been giving us repetitive stuff; Biology had not turned into the environment I had wished it to be.

"Ugh, fine. See you later Alice." I waved at her and she returned it enthusiastically, grinning wildly.

The walk was predictable; the only surprise I got was when we reached the door of the Biology classroom and Edward suddenly turned to me with a savage expression on his face, his jaw locked tight and mouth shut firmly. His eyes blazed like purple fire.

"What?" I demanded, curious and a little scared.

"Bella, how do you feel about blood?"

I grew instantly queasy. "Not too good. Why?" That was an understatement. 

Edward motioned into class with a disgusted expression on his beautiful face. I tried to peek to see what garnered this reaction from him, but two boys were blocking my way.

"Mr Banner has decided to perform blood typing today."

_Oh god. _I felt the moisture break out across my forehead. "You're kidding," I managed to squeak out. My hands were already a clammy mess.

Edward shook his head grimly. "Sorry."

"Oh my god, I totally forgot. We do that every year," I gasped. "I can't go in there."

Edward made a sound of agreement. "What if...do you mind skipping with me?" His voice was almost...nervous? The thought made me giddy. Edward Cullen was nervous about asking me to skip school with him.

But was he really worried I would say no? I would go anywhere with him, just to see what interested him and where he went when we weren't at school. Plus, the temptation of missing sticking my needle with a finger was just too much to resist.

I grinned with the exhilaration that came with doing something that you knew was wrong but didn't care either way.

"Where do you have in mind?"


	13. Chapter 13

If you had told me, a year ago, that I would be enjoying myself skipping school, with a boy who was most certainly not my boyfriend, after recovering from my friend's death and the realization that my town's population was slowly dwindling, and not even caring about any of it, well, I would have laughed and said some words that don't need to be repeated.

But apparently I've changed, because that's exactly what I'm doing now. With Edward Cullen, no less. The boy that every person in our high school fears, idolizes, and wants to be. Fuck the cliché, because it's the truth. He was that amazing.

"Where are we going?"

Edward glanced over at me, just realizing that I was still here, apparently. "Oh, just a place that calms me. It's just up here," he added, pointing randomly towards a green thicket of trees.

"You aren't planning on taking me to a deserted area and murdering me, are you?" I asked. I was mainly joking, but something told me not to put it past him; I could sense that he was maybe capable of such a thing.

His forehead creased. "No, I'm not. You know, you have a morbid sense of humour." Something about my words had angered him, or upset him, judging by his face.

"I guess," I shrugged. "But seriously, if you are, I'd really like to go back to Biology now. I'll take blood over murder."

He laughed edgily.

After a few minutes, he spoke again, rousing us from a comfortable silence. "We're here," he uttered, directed the car into a small clearing which I would never have noticed if he hadn't pointed it out.

I unbuckled my seat belt and made to get out of the car, but he was already there.

"What kind of gentleman would I be if I didn't open your door for you?" He smiled.

"Uh, you wouldn't be one," I quipped. "Why are you so obsessed with being a gentleman, anyway?"

"It's just how I was raised."

"Right." I nodded. His parents must have raised him so strictly, lecturing him on proper etiquette, yet Carlisle Cullen didn't seem uptight at all, I remembered.

We walked around the car, the wet leaves squishing under my sneakers, trees dripping water in haphazard droplets around us. Edward led the way, holding two branches apart so I could duck through.

I emerged into a wildly beautiful clearing, complete with red and white flowers and lush green grass. I could hear water trickling from a stream somewhere in the distance, but it was invisible; hidden by the thick foliage of green that surrounded me in every direction. I sucked in a breath at the beauty of Edward's place. It was incredible.

The sound of branches snapping together alerted me to the fact that someone was behind me. I whirled to see Edward, staring at me with cautious eyes.

"Do you like it?" he asked quietly.

"I-I love it. It's...beautiful, Edward. And it sort of scares me a little bit," I breathed, feeling the urge to keep my voice down and not disturb this tranquil place.

"I know what you mean."

We stared at each other in silence, joined by the heavy electricity that always seemed to flow as an undercurrent between us, and the mutual knowledge that once again, we had found something that joined us together.

This marked a new stage in our relationship. Before, we had been purely platonic school friends, playing nice stuck in the square boxes of our school and the square shape of our cafeteria. But now...it was different. _We_ were different.

I didn't know exactly what had happened to cause this shift between us, but I liked it. Welcomed it into my body and imprinted it on my soul. My soul, body, and mind now knew that things between us were changed, perhaps irrevocably.

"Why did you take me here today?"

He furrowed his brow, obviously thinking of the answer. I focused on the rain that was lightly falling all around us. A cold droplet hit my nose and I blinked, losing sight of Edward for a millisecond.

"I wanted to share it with you. It's special, and you're a special friend to me."

I looked at him, and he looked at me. An understanding passed between us. I purposely broke eye contact, looking at the ground. When had we sat down? My hand played idly with a golden buttercup, but my mind was racing.

"Thank you. I think you're special too," I said awkwardly.

When I looked up, he was smiling crookedly at me. His eyes were nearly black in the grey light, and I shivered. That reminded me of the day I had asked Alice, and she had made a point of ignoring my curiosity.

"Can I ask a question?" I inquired timidly.

"You just did."

I rolled my eyes. "Another question," I clarified.

"That depends on what it is."

I kept my eyes down, not meeting his gaze. "You might get offended."

Through my lashes I saw him lean back, pushing his hands into the ground behind his shoulders. Edward's curiosity was aroused. "I'll be the judge of that. Ask me, and I might answer."

"Okay," I sighed. It was the best I could get, I suppose. I was lucky he had agreed to even hear my question. But he didn't know what it was, so he had no warning.

"Can I ask about your eyes?"

I saw his hands tighten and go white. "What...what exactly about them, do you want to know?" His voice was tight, controlled, deadly, which was a bad sign. He only got that tone of voice when he was angry.

"Well," I swallowed, "Why are they that colour? It's so unusual."

"It's genetic," he replied smoothly.

I frowned. "But Dr Cullen and Alice have the same eye colour as you do. You're not related, are you?" I asked doubtfully.

He shook his head. "Not by blood." Despite himself he smiled and chuckled, as if something was occurring to him that was ironic. It piqued my curiosity and I wanted to ask, but there was no opening.

"So if you're not related by blood, then how could you have the same eye colour? Unless you all wear contacts?" I suggested doubtfully.

He seemed to latch onto that idea, and practically sagged with relief. "We all wear contacts. Even Esme, and Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett."

The mention of his other family members steered my insatiable curiosity in that direction, temporarily distracting me and forgetting my questions directed at the strange violet colour of his irises.

"Tell me about them."

He cocked his head to the side, quizzical. "What do you want to know?"

"Well, tell me the whole story of how your adopted siblings came into the family."

"I already told you that. Well, Alice did," he corrected himself.

"The whole story, Edward. Not just some random tidbits."

He sighed and looked at me. "You do know that curiosity killed the cat, don't you?"

"Lucky for me I'm not a cat."

"You could be a kitten," Edward offered, a half smirk lighting up his features.

"Edward. Stop comparing me to felines."

Edward quirked his eyebrows. "Fine. Where do you want to start?"

"How about Jasper?" I blurted out. Curiosity was making me impatient.

He grinned at my lack of patience, switching moods like quicksilver. "Okay. Jasper. Well, Carlisle and Esme, as you know, adopted Alice and Jasper from the same orphanage. Jasper's family had many problems, and he ran away, ending up in an orphanage. He met Alice there, she helped him through his issues, and the rest was history. They were dating when Carlisle brought them home. There really was no reason to break them up, so they stayed together. It was love at first sight."

"Wow," I breathed. "Alice?"

"Alice...well Alice is different. She was left on the doorstep when she was about one year old, and she has no memory of her family at all. She was the one most taken care of there, because everyone loved her. Some of the other kids got jealous and tried to physically hurt her, but she's gotten past that. You know how she is," he said and I nodded, I was well aware of Alice's vitality and absolute enthusiasm and zest for life.

"What about Emmett and Rosalie?"

Edward sighed heavily, his mind far away, into an old memory I couldn't possibly understand.

"Emmett's father died, who was good friends with Carlisle. His father, Blaine, made Carlisle promise that if anything happened to him Carlisle would take Emmett in. Carlisle is a good man, very pure, and made good on his promise."

"Rosalie?"

"Rosalie was sexually abused by her uncle and was nearly dead when Carlisle met her. Not dead as in bleeding to death, but she was wasting away, didn't have enough energy to live anymore. Carlisle had to save her."

The way he was talking about his family, about Carlisle, impressed me more than anything he could do would. The very expression on his face - reverent, admiring - and the tone he used to speak about the people that were beloved to him showed me that he respected and cared for every member of his family, and looked up to them.

If it was possible, I liked him a little more.

"My god," I whispered, thinking about Rosalie and the hurt and abuse she had suffered through.

"That must have been horrible for her."

"Yes," Edward mused. "But Rosalie is one of the strongest people I know. She got her revenge, and she's living better now."

I tried to ignore the chilling inflection his velvet voice took on when he said 'she got her revenge.'

"How did Emmett and Rosalie get together?"

Edward laughed musically, remembering something funny. "Well, Rosalie arrived home, gaunt and weak, but still beautiful. Emmett was playing XBOX when she walked in, and his response was typically Emmett."

"Why, what did he say?" I smiled, automatically picking up on Edward's humour.

"He said, and I quote, "Damn, girl, are you a wet dream?" Edward laughed loudly.

I laughed too, thinking that was quite humorous, and a bit disgusting. But then again that was probably the norm for Emmett, since Edward had said it was typical behaviour.

"What did she say to that?"

Edward's eyes twinkled. "She walked over to him, and smacked him. Of course, he wasn't really hurt, but she was. She had a slight sprain for a few weeks."

My eyes widened in astonishment. "Really?"

"Yeah. It was pretty funny."

I focused on another part of his story. "Wow, they sound like wonderful couples. Will I get to meet them sometime?"

Edward shrugged. "Maybe."

I got the feeling, though, from the way he uttered that word that he intended for that never to happen.

"Are they soul mates? Do you think? Or is it just teenage infatuation?"

"Not teenage infatuation. The bond is too strong. But I wouldn't call it soul mates, either. It's a bit more absolute, more powerful than that. They never had a choice."

"It's amazing that Alice and Jasper found their match when they were so young," I mused. "No matter what you call it. And Emmett and Rosalie...and Carlisle and Esme. They are so lucky."

Edward smiled slightly. "Yes, I know. However, they've had plenty of time."

His response confused me.

"What about you? You're the only one without someone. How do you cope?"

He grinned menacingly. "I have other ways to occupy myself."

I ignored the fear his expression put into me. "But...don't you think you'll find someone?"

He was suddenly regarding me with interest. "I don't know. I assume I will, sooner or later."

I looked down, uncomfortable with the look he was giving me. It was like...like he was a starving man and I was the last thing on Earth.

"It's my turn to ask a question," he said suddenly, his tone brisk and business-like. I was simply thankful for the change of topic.

"Okay, shoot."

"Why did you make so much effort that first day? You know, when I ignored you?"

I looked down and put my hands in my lap. The reminder was slightly humiliating. "Yes, I remember," I finally admitted. "I made the effort because...you were new, and I wanted to make you seem welcome. There are almost no new kids here, ever, and I thought that you might feel overwhelmed. And..."

I hesitated.

"And what?"

"You seemed different from the rest of them," I said quietly. "And I was right."

He stared at me intensely, his beautiful face blank, and as usual I couldn't read what he was thinking behind the mask.

"My turn," I stated, breaking the spell. Edward continued to assault me with his hypnotic eyes, not blinking.

"_Why _did you ignore me all that week? That's something I don't understand."

He let out a breath I hadn't known he was holding; looking away, his hands clenched into a fist again.

"All right, to put it simply...Bella," he caressed my name with his tongue, looking seriously at me, "A part of you draws me strongly towards you, and I tried very hard to resist it."

That was clearly all he was going to speak on that subject. I tried to suppress my irritation.

"Is there anything else you wanted to know about?"

"No, that was basically it."

At that moment Edward's phone rang, playing some classical music I had never heard. He pulled the small silver device out of his pocket, glancing at the display before answering it.

"Alice?" he asked with irritation.

As I waited for him to finish the call, my fingers idly traced the shape of a wild blue flower. However, my abnormally alert ears couldn't help but pick up his low voiced conversation.

"No, she's in no danger...what...how is that possible...I don't know, I can't hear anything or see anything ..." He scanned the trees around us. "Right...well, we'll come immediately."

He ended the call and stood up quickly, holding out his hand for me. I gazed stupidly up at him, confused.

"What's going on?"

His face momentarily darkened before smoothing over. "Nothing. Carlisle and Esme know we're not at school and they want us to come home."

I didn't believe him for one second, but I let it slide again; I trusted that if he didn't want to tell me - or for some reason he couldn't - there was a pretty good motive behind it. I trusted him.

I got to my feet, accepting the hand he offered me. His hand lingered on mine for a little longer than was normal, and I was shocked slightly by a kind of electricity when we connected.

I glanced up at him and he was frowning down on his hand, as if he had felt it too.

We made our way back to his Volvo quickly; only when I looked up at the sky did I realize how much time had passed since we had arrived. I got in the car and he shut the door behind me, using a little more force than was necessary. A second later, he was next to me in the driver's seat, and he looked at me significantly.

"So, you're about to get your wish."

"What wish?"

"The whole family's at home today."

I swallowed, the full implications of what Edward was saying settling in. "So I'm meeting them?"

"Yep," he smirked. "I hope your ready."


	14. Chapter 14

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, for the millionth time.

"Are you sure? We don't have to do this. I can drive you home and come back."

"No, it's fine. I mean, we're already here."

Edward's home was unbelievable. It was on the outskirts of town, fully hidden by the forest surrounding it. It was secluded; Bella knew there wasn't another house around for miles. It was designed perfectly for privacy, definitely not a house that you could stumble upon.

The home itself was a massive grey stone estate, with large glass walls that were apparently bedroom areas, and there were seven around the home. I spotted three in front. The mansion had a forbidding aura, with a wide black stone porch and an imposing mahogany door with a brass knocker. The outside of the vast mansion reeked of class and money. It was arrogant and imperious, exactly suited to the temperament of all the Cullens I had met and most likely the Cullens I had not met.

We had been talking about going inside for the past ten minutes. Edward was concerned that I wouldn't be able to deal with it, for some unknown reason, and so had asked me about my state of being so much that a few more times and I wouldn't be sure I _was _okay.

I was excited to meet the rest of the Cullen family, and since I had already met Alice and Carlisle, I didn't see any reason to be worried. Apparently, Edward did.

"Yes I know, but it would really be no trouble at all."

I sighed in frustration. He was being overly anxious, and I had no idea why.

"It's _fine,"_ I exaggerated the word 'fine', climbing out of the black car before Edward could stop me.

"If you're sure." He took my hand easily, unconsciously, and my heart accelerated, like it always did whenever he touched me or looked at me intensely, as he often did.

He walked into the house before me, keeping me behind his body protectively.

If I had gasped at the outside of the house, it was nothing compared to the inside. The estate boasted rich hardwood floors, thick Persian carpets, art paintings hanging everywhere, some of which I recognised as Picasso and Van Gogh, and this was only in the front room.

Edward led me through a series of long hallways and seemingly never ending corners. I felt my eyes widen as I realized his home would be so much bigger than it looked from the outside. I didn't even know how far it stretched back. My eyes widened even further as I realized how much of a fortune he and his family must have.

We finally arrived in a room I deduced as the lounge. It held 15th century sofas, arm chairs, chaise longue, and a fireplace that looked like it was older than my father. Famous art again littered the walls, which were a burgundy colour. The floor once again held a Persian carpet.

A burly, dark haired teenager and a tall, slim blonde were sitting on the sofa laughing about something that happened before we entered the room.

They both had the same unearthly pale skin as Edward and Alice and Carlisle, and the same violet eyes, which startled me. I had expected there to be at least some difference between the family members.

When we walked in, they stopped laughing abruptly and both boys turned to study me intensely and unabashedly. The blonde boy flicked his eyes continuously between me and Edward, while the burly teen kept his eyes on me, a sickening slow smile spreading across his face. It would have been disconcerting if the atmosphere in this room wasn't so relaxing and calm.

"Emmett, Jasper, this is Bella," Edward said, making introductions and pointing to his brothers in turn. Emmett turned out to be the burly teenager, who almost was a man, and Jasper was the cool blonde. They both continued to look at us unabashedly, not making any effort to be friendly. It made me nervous.

"Hello, Emmett. Hello, Jasper."

There was a few seconds of awkward silence, neither of the men – as I thought of them – bothering to reply before Edward interrupted.

"Have you seen Carlisle and Esme?" he asked, looking around the room as if they would pop out of the woodwork.

Emmett nodded. "Esme's in the kitchen, and Carlisle's in his study, I think." Emmett's voice was heavy and deep, very masculine. He concentrated for a minute, then nodded again in confirmation.

I was expecting a more...jovial Emmett after what Edward had told me about him and Rosalie, but I guess he only reserved that for pretty girls. Or maybe just his soul mate, you idiot, Bella, I chastised myself.

"All right. How was your day, Emmett?"

"Fine," he sighed. "I didn't eat anyone," he said, then winked at Edward. Edward let out a low hiss, which I didn't understand, and Jasper frowned curiously at Edward, obviously confused by his behaviour.

For my part, I was puzzled by Jasper, Emmett, _and_ Edward's behaviour, not understanding Emmett's supposed joke, or Edward's hiss. They seemed to have some sort of secret language that was only spoken between them and couldn't be comprehended by anyone outside of their secret circle.

"How was school?" Jasper sounded cold and smooth, like a snake. I shivered at the sound of it and the lethal glint in his icy purple eyes, like twilight. I didn't understand how someone as bubbly and fun loving as Alice could ever love someone as cold and dangerous as Jasper seemed to be.

Maybe the Cullen boys were just reserved about new people.

Or maybe, a little voice in my head said, you don't really know Alice and Edward at all.

"It was fine," Edward replied, scratching his neck. "Boring as always, you know."

Jasper laughed cruelly, and the sound was like ice. Emmett had subsided into the couch, still plainly studying me, but silently. The look on his face made my skin crawl with nervousness.

"Is that why you skipped Biology with her?" Jasper gestured to me.

I blushed bright red, both from the fact that Edward's siblings knew we had skipped a class and because Jasper had put a suggestive meaning on the way he said 'with her.' Edward stiffened, apparently offended by something Jasper had said.

"Does all the family know about that?" he asked, keeping his voice light. I, however, could sense the subtle undertone of icy anger that he kept so carefully leashed.

Emmett nodded. "Alice."

Edward sighed. "I see." After a beat of awkwardness, he said, "Have you seen Rosalie? I wanted to introduce her to Bella."

"No, but I'm looking for her," Emmett let out a dirty laugh, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. Jasper smirked.

Edward shook his head in distaste. "Ugh, Emmett. I'll see you later."

Emmett and Jasper's loud crude laughter followed us as Edward pulled me out of the lounge room and into another long hallway, which eventually led to a large kitchen.

The kitchen had big wall to floor glass windows everywhere, and through them I could see into the crowded, dark trees. There was a woman with long caramel coloured hair sitting on a stool placed at the windows, staring out at the world with her back to us.

"Esme."

The woman turned and smiled at us, her face bright and welcoming. I had been expecting the milky white skin and mauve eyes so it didn't shock me. Esme came towards us gently, holding her arms out in a hug, which I accepted.

"Hello, I've heard so much about you, Bella," she told me, releasing me from her cold grip. I looked at her, wondering what Alice had told her about me.

"Likewise, Mrs Cullen. It's so nice to meet you," I said conventionally.

"Call me Esme, everyone else does, dear." She floated towards the stove, clicking a few buttons and humming under her breath.

"Have you seen Rosalie? I wanted to introduce Bella to her." Edward's voice was harsh and I jumped slightly, forgetting temporarily that he was standing comfortably besides me.

Esme straightened up from where she had been peering into the oven, and smiled beatifically at her son.

"Oh, yes, I do. I think she was with Alice, in her room."

"Thanks, Esme."

The two of us climbed the winding staircase that was hidden behind the kitchen, and we paused to look at the artwork adorning the plain walls. Edward explained to me what each was, although I knew some of them, and I was impressed beyond measure - of how much he knew about them and their worth. Any of these paintings would probably cost over a few billion each.

"How can you afford all of this?" I asked, dumbfounded.

Edward shrugged. "My father has worked in some very high paying jobs, as well as Esme, plus they were both very rich to start with. Money just accumulates, I suppose."

I stayed silent; my father was a policeman and my mother taught school children; neither of them was getting any real money. Up until now, I had been just fine with that.

Edward stopped at a door I assumed was Rosalie's, but Alice flung it open before he could knock.

"Edward, Bella!" She chirped, ushering us inside. "Come on in!" 

I looked curiously around the room. It was done in shades of black and silver, and most of the furniture was black. In the middle of the room there was a huge canopied bed with silver hangings that could be drawn closed, and many silver velvet love seats decorated the room. The walls were glass, with a magnificent view of a gushing river, a black balcony beyond a glass door that led outside, and an entire wall to ceiling mirror at the front of the room. My eyes widened at the magnificence and opulence of the room.

In the middle of the room, draped on the bed like a regal empress, was who could only be Rosalie.

The term 'woman' didn't even do Rosalie justice, nor did Alice's descriptions. She was heaven incarnate. She had long, flowing golden blonde hair that fanned out around her shoulders and onto the fluffy pillows. From what I could tell, she was tall and statuesque, and had a body that any woman would kill for. Her features were arrogant and strong, but still feminine. She had full lips, and white teeth that were parted in a sparkling smile, and she was wearing a red corset top that exposed the tops of her full breasts, and a black skirt that showed off her amazing legs. Rosalie was, without a doubt, the most beautiful woman in the world.

If Rosalie wasn't with Emmett, she would be the perfect match for Edward.

"Hi, Rosalie, I'm Bella."

I stood over her, holding out my hand. She gazed up at me with stony violet eyes, clearly not intending to shake my hand. I was in the middle of withdrawing my hand when her hand suddenly shot out and curled around my wrist, holding it securely. I looked down in shock, noticing that her nails were like talons and they were painted blood red. Also, her hand was as ice cold as the rest of her family's.

"You're not welcome here."

Rosalie's voice was unlike anything I had ever heard. It was high, and sweet, yet the menace in it, and the words she said, sent a shiver up my spine, even while they confused me.

"Uh..I..."

I looked to Edward and Alice, asking for help, but Alice just shrugged and glided over to Edward. Edward, however, scowled, a dark expression taking over his face.

"Rosalie, we talked about this," he warned.

Rosalie rolled her eyes and released my grip. "I don't like it," she muttered.

"You don't have to." In a flash, Edward was beside me, shooting warning looks at Rosalie.

She shrugged, lying back down. She seemed to lose all interest in the conversation as she stared up at the ceiling. "Alice?"

"Yes, Rosalie?" Alice was by her side in a flash, eyeing her with a little trepidation.

Was it me or did Alice seem slightly scared of her?

"Brush my hair, please."

"Bella." Edward spoke from behind me, shocking me out of my fascination of watching Alice comb through Rosalie's golden waves. "I'll drive you home now, unless you want to stay for dinner?"

"Stay!" Alice bounded up, momentarily forgetting Rosalie. "Please? It would be so nice to have a friend stay for dinner."

I looked into Alice's pleading eyes and smiled. She was impossible to resist. "Sure. I just have to call my father."

The dinner was short and full of tension. If I thought that things had been fine earlier on, my hopeful thoughts were completely dissolved by what dinner brought on.

Carlisle came home for dinner, and Esme made spaghetti and meatballs. That would have been fine and normal, if it wasn't for the fact that I never saw a mouthful go into any of the family's mouths, despite the fact that their plates were empty by the time I was half way through my meal.

Rosalie was spouting off angry words and derogatory terms that were always directed at me. Whenever she did so, Edward would berate her while the rest of the family sat in silence, looking on with barely concealed smirks. All except Jasper, who seemed to agree with Rosalie's words but did not feel the need to voice them.

I began to realize that while perhaps the rest of the family excluding Rosalie tolerated me, Edward and Alice were the only ones who actually liked me. I shifted uncomfortably when the thought hit me, and began to beg for the evening to just be over.

Carlisle and Esme kept exchanging knowing glances and looking between me and Edward, which I didn't quite understand until after dinner when Esme asked if I was 'sleeping over' with Edward, causing Edward to become quite still and me to blush red like a tomato.

"I'm sorry about earlier," Edward told me when we were walking to my truck.

I turned to him, still a bit shaken. "Which bit?"

He winced. "You have a good point," he admitted, then paused. "Mainly about Rosalie and what she was saying all through dinner. It was out of line."

"No, I mean, it was, just ... mean. It made me feel...she just...I felt like an outsider." 

Edward sighed. "Look, Bella, I asked you repeatedly whether you were sure, and you said yes. I know what she said was out of line, but if you had any hesitancy you could have said no. Rosalie is a bitch, I admit, but she'll warm to you, in due course. And, you know, she's harmless. Well, as harmless as any one of our family could be, anyway." He laughed darkly. "And I'm sorry if we made you feel uncomfortable, but that's just what my family is like."

I felt small, and so my response was less than adequate. "Okay. Well, I have to get home, my dad's probably worried..." I trailed off.

I was just eager to get away from his house, I thought as I glanced up at the imposing stone structure. Everyone who lived in that residence scared me for different reasons, even Alice.

"I'll see you at school?" I asked, hoping for a reassurance.

"Yes," he confirmed. "See you around, Bella."

"Good night."

He watched me get into my truck and drive away, looking at me with a strange expression on his gorgeous face. I waved, but he must not have seen me because he didn't wave back.


	15. Chapter 15

The gaze of purple eyes into brown gradually grew more intense and meaningful as the useless chatter surrounding the moment filled every creak of silence that happened, yet was somehow just as meaningful as talking would have been.

I sat across from Edward's unwavering gaze, both of us leaning forward, my hands steepled together, resting underneath my cold chin.

Neither of us spoke, or moved; we were content looking at each other, memorising the features and nuances of each other's faces.

"Have you seen Candy?"

I blinked. "Candy?"

I had seen the movie - I loved it - but I didn't want to admit it. I knew some teenagers got scared away by knowing that other teenagers watched intense, serious movies that held serious issues, and I wasn't going to tell him about my secret adoration of the grittiness of Candy.

"Have you seen it?" he persisted.

"Yes."

I really hadn't meant to confess my secret sin – just something about the way he spoke, the conviction and absolute power in his words just...got to me.

He nodded slowly. "Did you like it?"

"I loved it."

Something flickered in his eyes. "Really?"

I nodded.

Edward glanced down at the table then. He very slowly lowered his fingers to the tabletop at the same distance from each other, laying them flat.

Then I watched, fascinated, as his two hands splayed out against the wood table and as he slowly drew them up, making claws with his fingers.

I shuddered.

"I like the idea of...absolute love," he said, speaking slowly, studying the table.

"It's so much more real and more powerful to me then true love is. Disney tales, with their stories of true love and a happily ever after...it just never appealed to me. I suppose I'm too cynical to enjoy it."

The suggestion of Edward being cynical wasn't a surprise to me. I had seen the hardness in the planes of his face, the unquenchable thirst to know everything in his voice, the insatiable curiosity, the feeling to have to absolutely _know _beyond a doubt that everything presented before him is factual.

I could see that he trusted nothing, believed in nothing, and had no allusions about anything.

"So if you don't believe in true love, what is absolute love to you?"

He considered this thoughtfully, his brows furrowed. "Absolute love is...needing the other person like an addiction. Giving up anything to be with him, selling anything to be with them, choosing them before anything else. Feeling physically sick when you're not with them. Screaming over and over in your pillow because you don't have them. Absolute love is what Alice and Jasper have, what Carlisle and Esme have, what Emmett and Rosalie have."

He hesitated, his eyes sweeping over me. "What I want to have."

His intense, dark gaze met mine, and a world of unspoken communication passed between us. I refused to acknowledge it, looking away. There was no way he could possibly...

"I think that Candy explains it best. They had a rare bond, one that is one in a million. It encompasses everything, and they would do anything to stay together. That's what absolute love is. That's what I believe in."

"If it's one in a million, so rare...how do you know if it's real?"

Edward looked at me.

"I've felt it."

My breath caught. My heart stopped.

"Here is the deepest secret nobody knows. Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide. And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart...I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart."

I watched silently, the world around us nonexistent, as Edward quietly and perfectly recited some of the most beautiful verses I had ever heard in my life...more beautiful than diamonds, more precious than life itself, more heart wrenching than poetry. It just didn't compare...to anything.

The words were stunning, wonderful, everything. They explained absolute love and the power and motivation behind the actions of people who had experienced this. It was everything that I needed, everything that Edward needed.

Looking into his eyes, I understood that he had experienced the rarest bond in the universe, the most unattainable thing there was in this world. In that respect, he was undeniably blessed.

To have something only a few other people on the face of the earth could have had, was truly a gift from the heavens.

"I know. Everything that you just said...that you didn't say...I get it."

Edward raised his head, gazing at me with soulful, yet somehow still cold, eyes. I could sense, stronger than ever before, that there was something he was still keeping from me, that what he had just bared still hadn't been all there was.

But I trusted him. And even if he would never tell me everything, I would always trust him. He was my...something. A friend, perhaps? But that didn't seem to be strong enough a word to describe how I felt when I was around him, how I craved him when he wasn't there. I remembered back when I had been with Jacob clearly, and I marvelled at the change that six months had blessed me with.

The bell rang, and we both jumped; we had been immersed in our thoughts and each other. I gathered up my things, and Edward stood fluidly, waiting for me to stand and walk with him.

Biology was spent in silence, but charged with the familiar electricity. It was strange; I had thought that, over time, I would become accustomed to the feelings I had in his presence, become immune to them, but it never happened.

Perhaps it would never fade, perhaps I would feel this way all my life.

School ended, and Edward walked me to my car. The looks and whispers we were receiving weren't as obvious as they had been when I had first befriended him.

A thought suddenly struck me. "Where's Alice?"

He shrugged, his face distant. "She's...taking another break."

"Another one?"

His eyes went to my face. "She likes to take time off."

As always I could barely breathe when he focused on me like that, so I turned my face away, distracted, and watched my red truck instead.

I opened my door, and glanced at Edward to say good bye. "Did you want to...maybe come over?" I asked shyly.

He hesitated, looking around the parking lot before speaking. "I do...but I don't want to intrude. I should go home-"

"Well, if you want to, you can come over. It won't be intruding. I mean, I want you to come."

"Really?"

I swallowed. "Sure."

After one last hesitant second, he acquiesced to my invitation and opened the passenger side door before walking around to the wrong side of the car, the driver's side.

"Wait," I objected. "What are you doing?"

He looked at me with a devilish grin. "I'm driving. Hand over your keys."

"No, no, you're not," I spluttered. "No one drives...except me, and—"

"Bella," he said, softly, and I made the mistake of looking at him.

His violet eyes blazed like purple fire, but soft like purple silk, and I instantly lost my train of thought. His intense gaze seemed to capture my chocolate eyes, trapping them, mesmerising me with the power I saw, making my mind blank and my heart race, making me melt. All I could focus on was his gorgeous face, his soft eyes.

"Bella, please," he purred enticingly, making me melt. "Let me drive."

I nodded, because I couldn't speak. I was still stunned by the brilliance and softness of his beautiful eyes and his face when he had looked at me.

I passed the keys to him wordlessly once we were in the car. He grinned, victorious that he had put a spell on me and won.

"I promise you, I drive well. You won't regret your decision."

"You tricked me," I accused. "You did some sort of Jedi mind trick or something."

His eyes were curious. "What is a Jedi mind trick?"

"You know, when you tell someone something and they believe it."

Edward smiled. "I think I understand. I assure you, I did not Jedi mind trick you."

I let my head fall into my hands. It was better, easier, to think if I wasn't looking at him. "Forget it. Just, drive."

Somehow I knew he was grinning. "If you say so."

And then we were speeding out of the school lot, driving along at crazy speeds. I shrieked loudly, frightened that we would get into an accident and die, which was probable at the speed he was driving. I tried to look out of the window to calm myself, but the scenery was a blur of greens and browns and only succeeded in scaring me further.

"Jesus Christ!" I gasped. "Did you want to kill us?"

He faced me and grinned crookedly, making my heart race, but not with fear. "I always drive like this."

"Keep your fucking eyes on the road!"

A truly devilish look graced his face. "If you think that's bad—"

Then, to my horror, he actually lifted his hands off the wheel, waving them in the air, an arrogant smirk on his face. "Look, Ma, no hands!" he laughed hysterically.

My body grew cold with fear, and I grabbed at the wheel, desperately trying to hold it steady. His large, cold hands, came down over mine, covering them, and I shivered.

"We're not going to have an accident, Bella," he stated, his voice now soothing, his sweet tones sending a rush of calming pheromones through my bloodstream.

I breathed a sigh of relief. Edward had a relaxing effect on me; his hands, so cold, were comforting, his velvet voice was soft and promised safety. I could feel my heart slowing and my body slowly returning to normal.

"But—Jesus—that was horrible! So fast—we could have died—"

"No, we couldn't. And we haven't. So don't worry."

I was a stubborn person, I always had been. So it shocked me when I unexpectedly shut up.

"Okay. Fine. Let's just...slow down."

He complied with my wishes and we drove slower, still very fast, but probably slow for him, so I didn't say a word. At least I didn't have to worry about my father pulling us over now, I thought as I stared at the speedometer.

He was at my house quicker than I had ever made it. He was at my car door suddenly, opening it so fast, that I didn't even have time to comprehend how he knew where I lived.

"When we get inside, I'll put our central heating on, so we can warm up."

We walked together up to the front door, and I opened it and stepped inside, setting my coat and bag down, while he hovered just outside, obviously uncomfortable.

"What's the matter?" I asked, puzzled. Why was he just standing outside in the cold?

He sighed, glancing up and down the street. "You have to—I think I'd like to hear you invite me in," he said unexpectedly, his smile not reaching his eyes. He still looked nervous.

"Um, alright, fine. Edward Cullen, you're welcome to come in," I joked, humouring him.

He sighed in relief and immediately stepped across the threshold, firmly shutting the door behind him. I stared at him in amazement. It was almost as if—

"Something wrong?"

I shook my head to clear my thoughts. Ridiculous. "No. I'm fine."

"Good. Now, show me where this central heating is." He walked past me with a smirk as if he owned the place, but examining every inch of my house with his eyes as he passed.

We stayed in my house for hours, talking about everything and anything. I got to study him up close; sitting next to me on the sofa, I could see every nuance and curve of his perfect, manly features.

I was also assaulted by his wonderful scent; several times, I caught myself leaning too close, just trying to catch a whiff of the most amazing, perfect smell. It was addictive, nothing could compare to it.

The closest smell I could identify it with was sunshine and lilies, but even that wasn't exactly the same.

"I have to go," he said, standing up and glancing at the clock. "It's nearly six. My mother will have dinner ready."

NO! In my head, I objected ferociously, because I hadn't noticed the time go pat. It wasn't fair from him to be taken away so quickly; I didn't want him to leave. But I was too worried about saying anything in case he drew further away because of it. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," one side of his mouth pulled up. "Goodbye, Bella. Sleep well tonight."

He walked out of the living room picking up his bag and whistling as he walked out. I waited at the window, and a few seconds later I saw him moving quickly towards the black forest to the left of our home, his white limbs a contrast against the darkness. A moment later he was swallowed up by the trees.

I had never heard him shut the door.


	16. Chapter 16

At dinner, my father was being strangely talkative, a feat that was rare for his personality. I tried to show my disinterest in talking by shovelling my food down like there was tomorrow, but it was no use; he was persistent.

"Did you have fun at school today?" he asked agreeably.

My body froze up with panic. Did he know that I had ditched school? Oh god, had they called him at the police station?

"Today was good," I replied cautiously, trying to keep my tone nonchalant.

"Good, Bella, good. How are the Cullen kids fitting in?"

I breathed a sigh of relief; apparently my father was just making conversation. Still, I didn't know which was the more disturbing: the fact that he could've been trapping me or the fact that he was willingly talking.

"They're fitting in well, Dad. It's been around six months now...so yeah, they're making friends. I sit with Edward and Alice every day at lunch."

This was an abject lie. While it was true that I sat with them every day, rejecting my old table of friends every lunchtime, it wasn't true that Edward and Alice were fitting in well.

They naturally repelled people; the students avoided them like the plague. Even in the hallways a personal space bubble of about ten feet was always granted to the Cullens. No one seemed comfortable talking to them – except me. People were abjectly frightened by them, and thus rumours started to spread; I heard things like all of them being incestuous, being sociopaths, and even ridiculous stories of them killing pets in the town. I admit, sometimes Edward and Alice scared me, but even i couldn't imagine them being incestuous. But then again...images flashed through my mind of the way he looked at her sometimes, the way they held hands as they walked.

"Really?" he sat back and regarded me with interest. "And have you spoken to Jake?"

I groaned. I knew there had to be a reason behind the unusual attempts to start a conversation. Willingly talking was just too out of character to not be suspicious.

"No. Are you finished?" I took his plate without waiting for him to answer, dumping it in the sink and washing it roughly.

"Bella, please. Billy keeps calling me, telling me to pass on from Jake that he's sorry, he wants you back, that he didn't mean it. And Bella, Billy says that Jake's depressed, hasn't been acting like himself. Hell, you haven't been acting like yourself—I've barely seen you the last couple of months. I wake up, you're still in bed. I come home, dinner's on the table but you're up in your room, eating alone. If this is your form of grieving, I don't know, but I don't know what's going on, and I'm starting to become worried. Bella—"

"Dad. Did I tell you that one of Jake's Quileute friends turned up and harassed me about a month ago? My friend was nearly attacked. I don't think that I should be talking to Jacob at all right now, considering the kind of company he keeps. In fact, I don't want to talk to Jacob, and I most definitely don't want to get back with him."

There. It had been said. The most taboo of all sentences, I had just uttered, had just been laid out there on the table for my father to see. I didn't want to talk to Jacob. I didn't want to get back with Jacob. I probably never would.

"Alright," my father held his hands up in surrender. "I'll pass it along. Just—Bella—be careful, please? More careful...around everyone. A lot of people are dying, and I just want to make sure you're not one of them, please."

I nodded, just relieved he had dropped the subject. "How are you going with the murders, anyway?"

He rubbed his head wearily. "Not good. Everyone's on high alert, and we still haven't found any evidence at all. People are crying, begging for information, and we have none. Emotions are high, people are paranoid, and I really have no idea how to control it. All I can say to people is not to go out at night, stay in crowded areas, keep someone with you at all times and let people know we're your going."

"Why? I thought it was bears?"

He shook his head. "Too many people are dying for it to be bears. Too many bodies found in public areas, houses, as well as forest areas. Someone is definitely killing these people, but there's just no clues, no evidence. I don't understand it to be honest. The way the victims are killed...it doesn't seem like anyone human would do that. Just promise me that you'll stay safe and aware at all times, Bella, please. I need you to do this."

I had never seen my father so worried or urgent. His face was creased with anxious frustration, and I could tell his emotions would be bubbling over on the inside. My heart filled with pity for him. Here he was, Sheriff of this tiny town, and he had no answers for the people of Forks. No clues, nothing. Nothing to point him in the right direction, except the knowledge that someone out there was regularly killing off citizens in the most brutal, inhuman way possible, and he had no way to stop it or protect anyone.

"I will, Dad, I promise."

"Do you think I should call Jacob?"

"No."

The word was instantly out of Edward's mouth, almost being shouted, and I looked at him in surprise. His loud voice had slightly startled me, although I instantly calmed myself, and I found myself wondering why he was so vehemently against the idea.

He sat back and calmed himself, then spoke again. "Why? Is he still bothering you?"

I shook my head. "No, but Charlie, my dad, is best friends with Jacob's dad. Jacob's dad, Billy, says that Jacob's depressed. Apparently he feels really bad."

His heavy gaze bored into me.

"What do you think?"

I pushed my yoghurt around the table. "I don't know. I don't really...I'm confused. I don't want to talk to him, but I feel guilty because I'm causing Jacob hurt, even though I don't want to feel guilty."

I gazed up at him, studying his heavy brows and the hard lines of his face that were so odd looking on a teenager's face.

His mouth twisted into a sharp sneer. "He's a piece of shit, Bella. You don't need to feel guilty. It's not your fault; he's just preying on your good heart."

I gaped. I couldn't help it—it was the first time he had been so open about his hatred for Jacob. I didn't realize that Edward harboured such strong negative thoughts about him. And did he just say I had a good heart?

He noticed me staring. "What?"

"You just said I had a good heart."

He shrugged. So nonchalant, it amazed me. "Well, you do. It's your mind that is strangely malfunctioning."

I rolled my eyes. He always had to compliment me and then insult me. "Malfunctioning how?"

"Well, first, you don't seem to have any concept of how lovely and gorgeous you really are. And second, you have no sense of self preservation."

I blushed from the compliment. "How do you know I don't?"

"You don't what?" He was toying with me.

"Have any self preservation."

"Easy. If you did, you wouldn't be hanging around me." And suddenly the smile and playful atmosphere was gone, replaced by a dark frown and heavy scowl that pulled on his face.

It stunned me, although by now I should have been used to his moods. Edward changed attitude like the flip of a coin. One minute he was light hearted, the next minute he was scaring the life out of me. I was slowly beginning to understand to expect him to change at anytime, and to react accordingly to his moods. However, Edward being unhappy somehow made me unhappy too, so I tried to lighten the mood. "Edward, you don't have to lie."

He gazed, still brooding. "Lie about what?"

"About what you said before—about how I have a good heart and I'm 'lovely and gorgeous'. You don't need to feed me lines."

"They're not lines."

I snorted again. "Please."

His mercurial mood shifted again. He stood up with agile grace, moving lithely around the table until suddenly he was sliding in smoothly into the booth beside me.

I gulped. I didn't think I was unable to handle him this close to me. I could already feel my heart starting to pound furiously.

Edward leaned in, less than an inch away from me, his white forehead touching the side of my head, bronze and brown hair mixing. His even breathing created a cold wind that stirred my soul and stunned me with its beauty; releasing the sweet musky smell that he always exuded. I breathed in almost automatically, loving and craving the torturous scent that enticed and thrilled me, creating a dangerous temptation that up until now, I had resisted.

I looked around the cafeteria hastily to see if it was a joke he and Alice was playing on me, but she was nowhere in sight; no one was looking at me with a jeering expression, either. In fact, most people were watching with an amazed look on their faces.

"Should I show you exactly how beautiful you really are, Isabella?"

"Uh..." I couldn't speak. His presence, so near, made it very hard for me to think.

He laughed quietly, a terrifying laugh that frightened and exhilarated me. The sound sent thrills rocking through my bones, straight to my core.

I tensed in my chair, unable to move my eyes away from him, like a defenceless bird caught in the eyes of a snake. A sudden picture flashed through my head; Edward, glorious like a young god as he hunted the deer and wildlife he had told me about. Or perhaps as he hunted something else.

"_This _is how beautiful you are..."

His hand moved from the table slowly, until it was pressing against my cheek. The frost of his hand combined with his delicious smell made me shiver in delight.

His long fingers stroked up and down my cheekbone, occasionally sweeping from side to side and gathering hair off my face. I could hardly breathe for fear I'd break the intense spell; the situation was so goddamn unreal. I would never have dreamed this would happen; I never wanted it to end.

I stared at him, drinking in his beautiful godlike face greedily, wondering how I had managed to ever deserve his company. He was the most gorgeous man I had ever seen. When he was happy, he was the most entrancing person I had ever met. When he was angry, he was the most scorching, terrifying male on the planet. It somehow didn't surprise me that he could be both; have a personality that at once was at opposite ends of the spectrum. To me, it was a simple sign of his deity.

Edward's violet eyes glowed brighter then, bringing my attention to them. They were the brightest I had ever seen them, and seemed to emit a strange ray. I watched in fascination as his irises shone and then slowly dimmed, changing back to the same stone purple they had been a few minutes ago.

I was pulled back to reality by his icy fingers continuing their ministrations, now skimming slowly across my nose, dragging down the centre and moving on to my lips. I felt an electric tingle that continued long after his fingers had danced down over my chin, my neck, and onto my collarbone.

His icy thumb rubbed circles, directly over my pressure point. He could probably feel my pulse beating under his thumb, judging by the way he stilled every few seconds, his intense gaze focused on my neck.

"Do you understand yet?"

I moaned quietly, boiling lava erupting in my veins, sending fragile emotions down to the depth of my toes, which both scared and enthralled, introducing me to a whole new world.

"Not...quite...yet..." I managed to breathe through my hushed quick gasps.

He moved closer, if possible, his lips slightly brushing against the bottom of my chin and jaw line. I began to shake with pleasure, unable to control my body's insane reaction to him. Edward's other hand touched my other cheek, holding me in icy vices. His eyes smouldered, creating the illusion that we were alone together in our own magical bubble.

I blinked, and saw behind my lids an array of violent delights, kissing and consuming me like bomb powder, like the bluish flame that comes from sea salt, licking and dancing around the logs of dark wood.

I saw restless dreams of singing and holding hands, with a slow swing and colours of red, black, purple – the colours of the night. I saw myself rousing from a rough and restless sleep, gazing around wildly and noticing a dark, shadowy figure peering in through a frosted window, the black limbs of the oak tree whipping against the window panes. I saw myself forgetting the detail and falling back to sleep, a condemning whisper fading from my ears.

Edward. Edward had been there.

Gold hair. Glittering eyes. Unearthly skin. Unmentionable beauty. All of that was him. And it wasn't an exaggeration, or even shocking. I just...accepted his brilliancy. He shone like a glittering black diamond among coal; dark amongst his kind, but brighter than the rest.

And he could be mine—wanted to be mine. I knew by the look in his eyes that this forbidden thought was nothing but plain, simple fact.

I looked at him then—with newfound knowledge in my eyes. He wanted me.

He turned my skull slowly, with a cold grasp, so my nose was brushing his. It was an eerily familiar pose, creating a sense of misplaced déjà vu within me. But this feeling was something I had never experienced before, something I didn't know existed.

He pulled my head slightly forward and then drifted his large hands down to rest on my delicate shoulders, rubbing twice before letting them lie dormant.

And then he kissed me.

And it was everything.

It was fire, earth, air, water. It was heaven, it was hell. It was the two of us combined, stronger than any other person on earth. It was indestructible.

His gentle, rough, soft, hard lips moulded against mine, familiarly, naturally, like an ancient pattern that had been hidden since the dawn of time. My breath came in soft gasps as he revealed the secret to me, sneaking through my lips and into his slightly parted pale mouth.

I opened my eyes—not even realizing they were closed—and met his gaze. His purple eyes blazed with passion, and his eager tongue snaked into my mouth, tracing a slow path around my lips and teeth before mixing with my tongue, exchanging our lives, imprinting ourselves on each other's bodies.

I jumped in shock as I felt ice through my clothes, and I realized his hands were gripping tightly against my back, his ghostly arms encircling the area just under my breasts. My back arched against the rock hard feel of him, and his grip tightened on me, so much so that it was an exciting agony. He would leave bruises, I was sure of it.

My nipples hardened at the pressure and I felt the corners of his mouth curve sharply up underneath mine, and I understood that he was smiling.

Suddenly I was no longer next to him, but on his lap, my lower back pressing against the steel of the table as I straddled his waist, my hips grinding heavily into his groin as I kissed him hungrily, my mouth battling his in a test of ultimate control and power.

This was new territory.

I could feel his massive erection through his jeans, and I moaned in hunger, our animal sounds flowing together in tandem, creating a harmony and symphony of loud noise that was the only to reach my ears. Together, our breaths and groans sounded like an angel's chorus.

My body was shaking uncontrollably, every pore lit on fire, sunshine streaming through my veins, and from the urgency translated into my body through his cold kiss, I knew without a doubt he was feeling it too. His touch had imprinted on me, branded me as his like you would a cow, melting through all the layers of my skin like snow and settling on my heart, my soul, and my mind.

I knew this was it. The stars were realigning, the moon was burning, and the sun was freezing. Mother Nature was beckoning us, letting us know that this was dark, sinful, and went against very nature, but it didn't matter because it was necessary to our survival. Without this, we would have died. Tornados were occurring, hurricanes were ripping up trees and houses and civilization—

And I didn't care. I didn't care about anything except us. Nothing mattered except this was occurring.

And the earth had stopped. Simply stood still. Literally stopped for us, Edward and Bella, in this all-consuming, worlds changing kiss.

It meant everything.

We were in a stage of unbelievable euphoria, a harmony of kisses and moans and touches that were dark and stunning and kept us floating in a separate realm, a beautiful silver galaxy that held only us, and frightened and exalted us in its pure power and strength. On, on, on, it chanted, leaving us reeling in the state of a magic electric rush that magnified all our senses and forced us to be closer than we ever had been before.

But it was so us.

This was months of pent-up passion, sidelong glances, admiration, and strong sexual attraction. This was months of controlled desires and harsh needs, all barely denied in the name of a good friendship. This was months of lust-fuelled talks, heavy looks, and hated interference from outside factors.

This was unstoppable, a great flowing river of pleasure, desire, and power that had swept and curled the two of us up in it's waves, tossing us about in the great ocean of need. This wasn't love, this was more. This was everything—need, hate, lust, admiration, want, anger, heartbreak, knowledge, survival—all wrapped into one. Even if we had wanted to we couldn't have stopped this.

This was it. The dam had broke, in the form of swirling and dancing flood and tsunami. And we were the only survivors.

He was the first to pull away, settling me back against the table and moving his arms gently away. I instantly missed the contact of his icy arms around me and the feel of his hard lips against mine.

He grinned at me as my saliva clung to him, creating a fine web of spittle between his mouth and mine. I blushed crimson, hastily batting a hand between the two of us to brush it away. But it didn't matter, really, how embarrassed I was or how quickly he had overcome his gentlemanly ways—our fate was sealed from that moment.

I wasn't even sure how long we had been connected. Minutes? Hours? Days? To me, it had seemed like forever, trapped in exquisite torture, and yet, still not long enough. I had a feeling it never would be.

I looked around, self-conscious for the first time.

Every single eye in the lunchroom met my blushing face.


	17. Chapter 17

"So where do we stand now?" I looked up at Edward nervously, still shaken from the past five minutes.

"Wherever you want your feet to be."

"That's a cryptic answer."

"I'm cryptic."

"Oh, I've noticed."

I rolled my eyes at him. He chuckled and deposited me onto the seat beside him, then scooped my feet up into his lap. "Do we really need to have this conversation right now? Only I'd prefer not to do it with a hundred listening ears."

"Yes, we do need to talk about this," I insisted.

He sighed and glanced in disgust around the cafeteria. "Fine. But we should go somewhere else. The student population have already received an impromptu show."

I looked around at his words and blushed again when I realized many people were still staring at us, their mouths open in shock. It was like they had never seen two people kiss before. I didn't like them watching us – I felt like moments between Edward and I should be private, not for other people's eyes. Our story was ours, not theirs.

I saw a movement out of the corner of my eye and I turned back to Edward. He was already standing by my chair, his hand outstretched to help me out of my chair, like this was the seventeenth century and I was a Lady and he was a Gentleman.

I accepted his hand, standing up. Immediately he pulled me into his side, holding me by hooking our elbows together. I shivered. Even though the thick fabric of his jacket I could feel the coldness emanating off of him. This sparked a thought I had never considered to ask before, perhaps because I knew he would never answer me.

"Why is your skin so cold?"

He glanced at me briefly. "Wait."

I obliged, although I was deathly curious. I had waited for this long; I could wait a little longer.

He led me out of the cafeteria and to his car, the black Mercedes with the tinted windows that I remembered from when he took me to the meadow.

"What if we get in trouble for skipping?"

He laughed. Evidently what I said amused him greatly. "We won't. Don't worry."

We started to drive out of the parking lot, heading towards the outskirts of town. "Are we going to your…house?" House was such an inadequate word, but saying 'mansion' or 'manor' just sounded pompous, even though that more accurately described where Edward lived.

"No," a scowl had appeared on his seraphic features. He was angry with something I had said.

I shut up.

We drove along roads that I recognized as slightly familiar, and when he started to navigate the car along a tiny dirt road that ended in a small clearing, I instantly knew where we were heading.

"You're taking me to the meadow?" I breathed, remembering red and white flowers and tall, weaving green grass.

He turned to me, surprised. "You remember this place?"

"Of course I do."

He watched me with that undecipherable expression again. "Amazing," I thought I heard him say.

We fought our way through the usual thicket of trees and brush. This time I was quicker, eager to see the beautiful meadow that had been one of my favorite places ever since Edward had taken me here the first time. I gaped as we stepped into the clearing. It was even more beautiful than I remembered; it was a cliché, but it was true. I followed Edward, his back stiff, as we walked towards the middle of the meadow and sat down in the gently swaying grass.

"You mean everything to me," he said suddenly, looking at me. "You have to know that."

I smiled, happy to get some sort of a declaration out of him. "I feel the same way about you."

After that, we sat in silence for about five minutes. I was just delighting in the fact he said I meant everything to him, whereas Edward sat staring up at the grey sky, his face creased into a thoughtful frown.

Eventually he spoke. "I don't know how to go about doing this," he admitted. "I've kept a lot from you."

"Start at the beginning," I encouraged. "Don't feel like you have to edit, either – I can handle anything."

He took a deep breath. "Before I start my story, you have to see something."

I nodded; watching him as he slowly raised his fingers to his eyes, turning his back to me as he did something. He turned back to face me.

I gasped.

Instead of the striking purple, which I had somehow gotten used to, his eyes gleamed a bloody scarlet. The color of blood.

"I'm a vampire, Bella." It was stated simply, with no inflection in his words. He could have been telling me the weather.

He watched me with curious fascination, as if he expected me to get up and run as fast as I could away from him, screaming as I did so. He underestimated me, though. I was made of stronger stuff than that. I took a few breaths, slowly getting used to not flinching every time I looked into his red eyes. He watched me sharply, his brilliant mind cataloguing every move I made.

I remembered when I first met Edward; I had compared my draw towards him to that of a fly caught in a spider's web, weaved in to be eaten. How prophetic and true that seemed, looking back now.

"Tell me," was all I had to say.

He looked away again, his white hands idly playing with a blade of grass as he focused on something I couldn't see.

"I was alive in 1679 in England," he began.

I strode across the cobbles, not even caring as I shoved people out of my way. Most of them eased away uneasily when they caught sight of my murderous face, anyway. Around me, Englishmen drank heartily, complained about the French and Spanish, and whistled to pretty damsels as they moved past in their best gowns, demurely waving paper fans around their faces, searching for a rich handsome young man to court and marry.

This was seventeenth century England, and I was nineteen.

I was out myself looking for a pretty girl to wed and bed when I met Alice Brandon. Alice Brandon was one of the ladies of the court. She was not very friendly with the other lords and ladies, but was very close with the queen. She did not yet have a husband and remained a maid.

She was leisurely walking along the cobblestones with her lady in waiting when I bumped into her, overlooking her small stature as I was glancing at a couple of pretty maids giggling at a fruit stall.

"Beg your pardon, milady." The scorn was evident in my voice though my words were polite enough.

She inclined her head. "Not a problem, Lord Masen."

I looked into her face, and realized that Alice was a beauty in her own right. She had a petite face, expressive eyes and full lips. She also had pale and creamy skin, which was the preferred skin for women.

"The name's Edward," I smiled, bowing to her and tipping my hat. I was pulling out all the charm, which she certainly wasn't susceptible to as she giggled and smiled lustfully at me.

"Edward, then. Say, would you like to accompany me to my rooms back at the Palace? I have some jewels that I think you would just love." She held out her hand, showing me a large gold ring that was inlaid with sapphires. "Much like this one."

I realized that perhaps I could attempt to woo and marry Lady Alice, or just even have a roll in the hay with her. She was certainly up for it. And perhaps if we were married she would gift me with some of her jewels. If the ring was going by any indication, they must be beautiful.

"Certainly." I bowed again and took her elbow. We walked close together towards her rooms at the Palace.

"So, _Edward,_ what age are you?"

"Nineteen, milady. And you?"

She smiled up at me, only her nose and mouth visible under the wide-brimmed hat she was wearing. "I find myself at the ripe age of seventeen. Quite old to be without a husband, I'm afraid, but my family and I are very picky. We will not settle for just anyone."

"I hold the same sentiments exactly, Lady Alice."

She beamed up at me.

When we got to her rooms, somehow without being seen by anyone – I realized later she had planned it just so – she led me to her jewel collection.

Thousands of emeralds, rubies, diamonds and pearls the size of golf balls blinked up at me, their shine throwing incandescent light around the room. I sucked in a breath. It was extraordinary.

Alice was halfway in shadow as she stood motionless, but watching me with eyes full of brimming excitement. "Isn't it amazing?" she whispered, gazing at me with wonder. "They're massive, aren't they?" 

"Where did you get them? How did you get them so big?"

She smiled slightly. "From the countries of the Indies, Spain, France. They may be our enemies, but the rest of Europe does produce the finest jewels I ever did see."

"Wow," I breathed. At that time, the priceless jewels were the most expensive worldly thing I had ever seen, and I was captivated over it.

Alice watched me from the shadows. Suddenly she asked, "What is your dearest wish, Edward?"

I replied easily. "I wish to know the world. I want to know more. I crave more."

She tilted her head and stepped closer to me. "Would you like to travel the world with me?"

"Isn't that a bit forward, Lady Alice?" I half-teased. "Surely your family would disapprove."

She shook her head, all joking gone. "I could show you so much…teach you so much. You wouldn't have to crave knowledge; you would have it at your fingertips."

My nineteen years taught me to be skilled in the ways of the court, to be a gentleman, to read and write and speak in all the languages of Europe. Nothing beyond that, which is what I really wanted.

I wanted to be worldly and knowledgeable and be able to look at youngsters with pity and scorn, knowing what they were missing out on. I wanted to have every experience and do anything I could, just because. I didn't want to be stuck in the life of the court, play acting all my life.

"Yes. Yes. I…want that so very badly," I breathed.

She smiled in victory. Walking to me, she tilted my head to the side and sank her fangs into my neck.

Since Edward had started his story about what happened when he was nineteen and how he was changed, the sky had darkened considerably. It was now around three o'clock and I could tell a thunderstorm was on it's way. However, listening to Edward's profound beginning had me captivated. I was leaning forward, my eyes eagerly looking for more, asking for more details.

"Alice was a vampire. She had been one for about three hundred years. Enough time for the loneliness to set in, which conveniently is when she found me."

"So Alice bit me; changing me into a vampire like her. The pain was excruciating; it went on for three days. My screams were so loud; she took me to an abandoned manor in the countryside. She knew no one could hear her there. Once I awoke from my change, we went back to the Palace to get valuables and her jewels. I didn't factor in people – when I smelled them, the bloodlust took over. I was a newborn, and I hadn't fed. The chances of those people surviving were less than them dying. It was a bloodbath. Hundreds of people died in our feast."

I was somehow still calm. I think I didn't truly realize what he was telling me. "What happened next?"

A bitter smile graced his face. "We went to Russia, camped out there for the next hundred and fifty years. That's where we met Emmett. He was being abused and planned to murder his uncle. I helped him in the way only we can do. He has stayed with us ever since. "

"We went back to England. It was 1829 then. That's where we found Rosalie. Her fiancée and a group of men gang raped her and left her to die. Alice and I were out on a stroll when we smelt the blood, and went to investigate, and the rest is history."

"Rosalie took extremely well to this life. I don't think she has a single regret, like me. This, for us, is a gift, a stepping stone from where we were. Some of the others have regrets. But then again, Rosalie has her mate."

"The last to join us was Jasper. We were living in Mexico at that time. The four of us were living in a house outside town when rumors circulated Mexico that we were vampires. Jasper was suffering from depression and heard the rumors. He came to us; begged us to change him, make him like us. Alice realized Jasper was her mate, so we had to change him. When Jasper woke up, we found he had an extraordinary gift. Jasper can sense other people's emotions. Love, hate, greed, lust, envy, you name it. Whatever people are feeling, he knows it. Alice and I also have gifts – Alice has the ability to see the future, and I can read minds."

"We were all living together for about a hundred years before we came across Carlisle and Esme. We decided to live together and emulate a family, start high school…pretend that we were normal humans. This has worked for us, pretty much up until we came to Forks."

"Why did it stop working?"

A humorless smile graced his features. "Usually we have no contact with humans."

"Oh."

"It isn't entirely your fault, however. Before we came here, Alice had a vision of this, you, me, together, and you knowing about us. You didn't say anything to anyone, so we thought it would be fine. We thought I could just ignore you and the vision would change. However, we didn't anticipate you would be so…stubborn." He grinned.

"And that brings us to where we are now," he concluded, leaning back. "I'm sure you have questions."

I dove straight in.

"When you were talking about Jasper and you said Alice realized Jasper was her mate…what did you mean, 'realized'?"

"When you're a vampire, when you meet your mate, the connection is immediate. Crushing. You're tied to your mate. Your only allegiance is to them and whoever they consider important. That's how it was with Rosalie and Emmett, with Alice and Jasper, with Carlisle and Esme. You know when you feel it, and you can't ignore it. It's too strong."

"Have you met your mate?

He grinned at me, showing all of his teeth. "Bella, do you honestly think I'd be here if you weren't my mate?"

"I'm your mate," I marveled, then pushed the thought away. I had other questions. "When you were talking about how you and Rosalie embraced this life…you said some of the others have regrets…which ones?" That was the most awkward question for me to ask, and I hated asking, but I was deathly curious.

"Carlisle, mainly. He is the least suited to this life. Sometimes I catch Alice thinking a regretful thought. She's come a long way and sometimes she wishes she was still in the newborn stage or was still even human. Sometimes Rosalie regrets not making those men's deaths more painful for them," he chuckled.

I nodded. "Okay."

"Anything else?"

"If Alice was the original vampire who – sort of – made five of you come into existence, who changed Alice?"

"One night she was walking when she was grabbed by a hungry Frenchman. He didn't realize he'd transferred so much venom into her bloodstream; she was left for dead. She killed him after. She thought it was justice, although in all honesty it was just murder."

I was silent. He had presented me with so much information, so many damning facts, and I didn't know if I could handle it, didn't know if I could stomach what he was going to tell me next.

Walking away was not an option at this point, though, so I had to.

"And…" I swallowed, getting ready to ask the most difficult question yet. "All those people who are…dying, what about them?"

He didn't look guilty. "We're vampires, Bella. Humans are our natural diet. Of course we feed off them. What else are we supposed to drink from?"

I shrugged. "Animals?"

He laughed bitterly. "Animals, indeed. Don't be hopeful, Bella. You know better. I never claimed to be a savior. I never said I wasn't the villain."

Tears streamed down my face as I grasped the depressing reality of the situation. "Why does it have to be like this? Why? It's just not fair," I said softly, hating the injustice of the world.

"Life's not fair for you humans, Bella. But…this can be your choice. You can turn around right now, go home, pretend you know nothing about this, and we'll leave. Eventually you'll forget us. It will be like you never knew us.

I laughed bitterly, shaking my head at him. "Don't be a fool."

"Your human. Things could change...you might want someone else."

I looked at him in disbelief. "That's bullshit and you know it. And don't lie and say I might want someone else – you know it's not true. Bullshit I have a fucking choice."

He nodded, bitter but resigned. "Perhaps your right."

We sat there in silence for a few minutes, just resigned to our fate.

But what if we hadn't wanted each other? What if our personal choices were different to what the universe wanted? Would we be stuck forever in matches we didn't want, slowly hating ourselves and each other? Or would being forced together make us change our views, make us want things that originally we would have never settled for? Maybe depression, at knowing there's never an exit option – not even death – that could set you free of that person, would make you settle for them and adjust to them.

It was lucky that we both desired each other.

"Thank god it's you and not someone else," he finally said, then laughed in shock. "Jesus, what if it had been one of my victims? What if, while I was draining the life out of them, I had realized they were my mate?"

I kind of laughed. "Shit, that would have been bad."

Then we were laughing together in a hysterical way, knowing it wasn't funny because it could've actually happened…and it could still happen.

"What if…what if you're hungry and you decide to feed off me? Will you be able to stop?"

"I would never. You don't need to worry about that."

"But what if…?"

He shook his head forcefully. "You're my mate. I would never give up my world for a quick taste of blood, no matter how good it would be. It's not even an option. I'll never lose control around you."

I nodded, too tired to continue. I yawned and tried to hide it behind my hand, but he caught me. "You're tired."

"Yeah…but I don't want to go home."

He shrugged. "You can stay with me tonight. I can fill you in on more vampire stuff."

I was shocked. "There's _more_?"

He grinned. "Baby, we haven't even gotten started."


	18. Chapter 18

After I had called my father, lied and said I was staying with Angela for the night, Edward carried me up bridal style to his room, which was at the back of the house on the left.

I had never been in his room before, but I recognized it instantly. Everything about it was extravagant and handsome, reeking of arrogance and power, just like Edward.

The wall which held the door and the one which faced the front of the house were deep oak, whereas the one which was the back wall was glass, and the one which faced towards the river was also glass. A thick, plush Persian carpet lined the floor. There was a gigantic wrought iron black bed with gold pillowcases, sheets and thick coverlet. Besides that, there was a desk with a professional camera on it.

I looked at the camera then at Edward questionably. He shrugged. "It's just a toy. There's about ten in the darkroom."

"Edward, it's state of the art! Professional photographers would kill for this camera! And, darkroom? You have a darkroom?"

He nodded. "The girls like to take photos. I've never had any interest in it, until now."

"Why not until – Oh." I understood. He was holding the camera and pointing it at me.

"May I?"

I shrugged, embarrassed but determined not to show it. "Sure."

He had me lean against the oak wall, my head tipped up slightly to show arrogance, my face an unfriendly mask, and staring straight at the camera. He said that was the way he always thought of me, so he wanted to take it like that. He took the photo from below, lying on the ground and positioning the camera upwards.

"Tuck your chin in a little bit…perfect."

The camera clicked but there was no flash. He seemed satisfied with the result though, smiling slightly as he looked at it.

"Can I have a look?" I reached for the camera but he held it away from me.

"No. Not yet anyway. You can look at the finished product."

I huffed in exasperation but he ignored me. "I'll be back in a few minutes. Make yourself comfortable."

Then he was gone.

I tried to make myself comfortable by trying different positions on the bed, but nothing seemed to work, so I settled for lying down on my side facing the door. After a few seconds I heard a sharp rap. I got up and opened it only to see Rosalie, Jasper and Emmett.

Rosalie was apparently the spokesperson. "Where's Edward?" she hissed after taking a long look around his room.

"Uh, I don't know exactly – he just said he'd be back in a couple of minutes."

She nodded. "Ok." She started to turn around. As they were leaving, she turned back, looking me in the eye. "If you say anything about us, to _anyone_, you'll go to sleep one night and you won't wake up. Got it?"

I nodded numbly. Beautiful Rosalie, with her crimson eyes – not the purple eyes I had seen before; I guessed she felt she didn't have to pretend around me anymore now that I knew – and her ferocious anger, frightened me.

"Good." She tossed her hair back and walked away, Jasper and Emmett giving me a once over then silently following her.

I shut the door slowly; scared she would come back and harass me. Finally it shut and I relaxed, backing up to the bed and collapsing on it. My eyes were trained on the door like a hawk.

A few minutes later the door opened again and I jumped, but it was only Edward returning. He shut the door behind him and locked it, keeping his eyes on me.

"I'm sorry about that," he said, crossing the room to me. He checked me anxiously. "Are you okay? I heard her from the darkroom."

The darkroom; that's where he was, the relieved side of my brain was saying. He hadn't left the house. The other half of my brain was still focused on the 'I heard her' bit.

"Wait…you heard her up here from there?" I was confused.

He hesitated, and then lay down on the bed beside me. "You should lie down, it's really more comfortable."

Once I was lying next to him to his satisfaction, he talked. "Vampires have heightened senses. I've told you about special abilities, but these are different; these come with being a vampire. We're stronger than anything on earth and faster than the speed of light. Our vision is so much more heightened, so much stronger and better. Our hearing is also inhumanely strong; we can hear something coming from about 10 miles away."

"That's advantageous," I managed.

"It is. It's always useful. The special abilities also help us: I can read minds – I can tell if people are suspicious of us, plan to attack us, things like that. Alice's ability is also useful; she can basically predict everything that happens. Jasper can also come in handy because he can manipulate emotions as well as just reading them."

"Can you read everyone's mind?" I asked, dreading his answer. I was humiliated because of the things I had thought in his presence earlier, and the realization that they were at his perusal.

"Everyone's…except yours."

My head snapped up. "What?"

"Your mind is closed to me, somehow. I don't bother myself too much about it; I don't think I'd like to be in your head," he chuckled.

A rush of relieved happiness went through me. My thoughts were still mine, still private. Thank god.

"I remember Alice doing something with her eyes right before I walked into the bathroom one day. Was that..."

"The contacts? Yes. We need to change them frequently because the venom dissolves them. When we're at school, Alice and I have to go to the bathroom about eight times a day, so we aren't ever caught with red eyes."

"Speaking of Alice, what is the aversion to the Quileutes about? I can understand not liking someone, but that day at the supermarket, things were a little…excessive." I remembered Leah spitting on Alice and Alice's murderous look.

Edward looked at me, surprised. "You mean…you never knew about them?"

"Knew what?"

"The Quileute tribe are wolves, Bella."

"Sorry?" I asked, certain I had heard him wrong. There was no way Edward could have said wolves. Vampires I could believe; but not wolves.

"The Quileutes carry the wolf gene. They're shape shifters. It's a tribal inheritance passed down by the fathers of the tribe. They're triggered when vampires come into the area."

No way. Because then that would mean…"Jacob," I managed.

Edward understood.

"Jacob is one of them, Bella. From what I understand, he changed a few days before the supermarket. That's why he sent Leah to come instead of himself. He was afraid he would hurt you."

Jacob was a wolf. A shape shifter. He had changed into one and he had been all alone…no one had been there to help him through it. A shot of guilt rushed through me. I could have been there…as his friend, if not his girlfriend, to help him through whatever thing was happening through his body. But instead, he had been all alone, facing the gene by himself, not knowing what to do or where to turn…no wonder in the last month he had been more urgent over the phone than usual.

"I have to see him," I decided.

"No." Edward's eyes burned with forcefulness. He almost shouted the word.

I tilted my head, curious.

Edward took a breath. "Bella…we haven't been killing all the people in town. A few who have died were none of my family's victims. There also may be – scratch that, definitely are a couple of other vampires in the area, or at least one. My family and I have been protecting you up until now, but if you go on Quileute lands, I can't guarantee your safety, from the Quileutes _or _the other vampires."

I nodded, absorbing that information. "Ok. You know what? It doesn't matter. If I die, I die. I doubt they will be after me anyway. I haven't done anything to anyone."

I stared at him stonily, and he stared right back. It was a wall of stubborn silence.

"Not today," he finally decreed.

"No. But soon. Maybe not tomorrow, but the day after. God, I wonder if he's okay? I never even bothered to check…I never called him back. God, I'm horrible. I deserve –"

"Be quiet. You're fine. You didn't know. I assumed you did…but it makes more sense now that I now you didn't. But don't blame yourself. It's not your fault."

His words calmed me, like always. "So why are the wolves triggered by the vampires?" I asked as soon as I could talk again.

He shrugged. "We don't know. Some dormant gene in them just goes off with our arrival. In fact, you could say it's my fault that Jacob is a wolf now." He laughed bitterly.

"I don't blame you," I said steadily. "If you hadn't come to Forks, if I had never met you…I would be lost."

He nodded. He understood.

"Why are the wolves and the vampires always at each other's throats, anyway?"

"For one thing, they don't trust us. Rightly so. Many vampires over the centuries who have come here have killed Quileutes. For another, they're our natural enemies, and we're theirs."

"Okay. Change of subject, but…what about your red eyes and cold skin? I understand the paleness, that's obvious, but the rest…?"

"The red eyes are from the human blood we drink. The cold skin…I don't know. I can hazard a guess? We're dead. We're cold, hard. That's kind of like a dead body, if you think about it."

I nodded and let it slide, because I wanted to ask the question that had been nagging me the most. "Who was the one who killed Mike?"

He met my gaze. "Alice. She was hungry, he wandered nearest to where she was…she couldn't resist."

Then I panicked because another thought hit me. "What if…? What if Alice, or, or one of the others, you know? What if they –"

"They won't," he growled. "They all know not to touch you. It would kill me. They understand what being mated means and they wouldn't do that to me. And besides, as long as you're in your own house, you're safe."

"Why my house?"

"Vampires need an invitation to come inside a person's residence. In fact, it doesn't have to even be a house, but any place that a person considers a home, or a dwelling, cannot be entered by vampires unless they have an invitation. Do you remember that time I first came to your house, and you asked me why I was waiting outside?"

"Yes." The puzzle pieces were fitting together, almost complete.

"It was because I didn't have an invitation. Before that, I had watched you from outside your window, but I wasn't able to enter. But now I am, because once I have an invitation, it sticks."

"And that keeps people safe."

"Yes. While they're in their own homes at least."

I nodded my head, processing that. A train of unrelated thought sparked in my head, god knows by what.

"Edward…I forgot to ask this earlier, when you were talking about the other vampires in the area. Do you know what they're here for?"

He shrugged. "I assume they are drawn here for the same reasons we were – small town, dark cloudy place, out of the way of discovery. Or perhaps they crossed our scent when we went to different states to hunt."

"You don't just hunt here?"

He shook his head. "If we only fed here, the townspeople would die out. It would attract too much attention if we were the only ones left. We like to go to big cities and places with huge crime rates to feed so we aren't at risk of exposure."

"Is that where you and Alice go sometimes when you weren't at school?"

"Yes. Alice left for a few weeks with Jasper – I'm sure you remember – to live in New York for a while. We already have an apartment there, as well as many other places in America." Here he chuckled. "She says the cuisine tastes different in New York. More extravagant and tasteful than Forks."

The sound of pounding rain gave me the excuse to turn my head and think about that. It was coming down in droves; even with my weak ears, I could clearly hear the rain battering the roof far above us.

I changed the subject. "How many floors does this house have?"

"Five. We're on the fourth floor."

I toyed with his hand, my fingers eventually brushing the large ring he always wore. I brought his hand closer to me, inspecting the tiny blue jewels and the band of gold. I noticed the ring was also thinly lined with blue around the edges. I wondered suddenly if the jewels were the ones Alice had when he was human.

"Edward…" I said. He hummed in reply. "Tell me about this ring. Why do you and Alice have the same one –" I suddenly remembered seeing the same ring on all the Cullens fingers. "And the rest of your family? Is it made from the same jewels Alice had when she was a vampire?"

Edward looked at me from under his lashes, making my breath catch. "There's actually quite a bit of importance about this ring," he said. "But I'm afraid both your questions require a long explanation."

"Tell me," I insisted.

He sighed. "When Alice turned into a vampire, she didn't have the jewels or the ring. To answer your second question, yes they are the same jewels. Your first question…Alice roamed the world for a few hundred years, aimlessly wandering. She tried to go out in the daytime, but found if she stuck even a small section of flesh into the sun she would start to sizzle and flame. So she kept to the night, like traditional vampires, mostly staying underground. However when she was in New Orleans, she heard a

rumor about a ring that enabled vampires to walk in the daylight among humans. She sought out the vampires who had made this ring, and asked them to make her one. They obliged, and were much taken with her, flirt that she was, and so gave her the special jewels. When I was turned, she went back. Same with the others. The ring is a gift; it allows us to enjoy the sun without dying, and also to escape being called a vampire, because we could walk with humans."

I struggled to understand. "But…wouldn't people notice the rings, and try to get them off you? And haven't you ever lost them?"

He shook his head. "Humans are remarkably lost to their surroundings. And even if they did notice the ring, you could wear it on a chain around your neck. As long as you have it on one part of your body, you're safe. And no, we've never lost them." He snorted. "We're vampires. We have a perfect memory and we notice changes immediately. Plus, we could simply track the ring. Objects have a scent just like everything else."

He looked at me with a smirk, daring me to challenge him. I changed the subject, still hoping to baffle him. "What if I cant get a ring?"

He shrugged. "It will be easy to get you one once you're a vampire."

"We need to talk about that, by the way," I stated, dropping my challenge in favor of a more important topic. Impending vampirism was indeed a serious subject that needed much discussion.

"When do you want to do it?" he asked, watching me intensely.

"What if I wanted to stay human?" I asked, just curious to see what he'd say.

"Bella. You know that's not practical. You'd be constantly stuck in between two words, and living with a house full of vampires you would always be at a disadvantage. Plus, you'd grow old and eventually die. It just can't happen."

"I know," I assured him. "I just wanted to see your reaction. I know it's the only way, and I do want to be like you."

He was reassured, because he lay back down, his muscles relaxing. "When do you want to do it?" he asked again.

"I don't know. I'll have to say goodbye to Charlie. Somehow. I'll figure it out."

"We could always turn him, you know," he suggested.

"I'd prefer he remain human," I said.

Edward processed that option. "You'd be able to visit him, I think. We could control you. As long as he could keep his mouth shut."

"He could." Of that I was confident, although I was a little dubious about my control after what Edward had explained about the vampire bloodlust, not to mention how he and Alice created that bloodbath when they were newborns.

"Doesn't it bother you, me killing your kind?" he asked, genuinely curious. He started to stroke my cheek softly.

"You're not killing me; you're not killing my father or my mother. Other than that, no it doesn't bother me. I've accepted it; it's who you are."

He nodded, satisfied but also wistful. "When I'm with you, I sometimes wish we could change it. I wish we were able to be saved. But then I snap back to reality and I know we can't. That's why I can't let you go, because without you I'd have nothing."

"I know," I whispered.

We lay for a few minutes in silence, just enjoying the rain and each other's company. I took off my shoes and got underneath the blankets, shivering slightly; it was freezing in Edward's room.

"It's cold in here."

"I'll have an air conditioner installed. And we'll get a couple of electric blankets. And we'll buy a heater."

"Thank you."

He didn't say anything else and we lapsed back into comfortable silence. I inhaled and his sweet scent was all around me. I smiled at the smell and cuddled into the sheets further.

"I love you, you know that?" I raised my eyes to Edward and he was smiling at me. My body filled with warmth. He was the one to say it first.

"I love you too. More than life." We locked eyes, and warm with our mutual declarations, I led the kiss.

It was desperation, it sung of acceptance and how low we would go for each other, what we would do for each other. I loved Edward so much, with every fiber of my being. I had never met anyone like him and I never would again. There were so many facets to his personality that he left me breathless every time.

The fact that he was a vampire paled in comparison to that.

"I love you," I whispered it breathily against his lips, saying it just because I could.

"And I love you. And I can't wait until you're like me."

I moaned at his words.

He kissed me again. There was a blur of clothes being flung everywhere, the sound of ripping and tearing, and breathless ecstasy as we kissed each other and touched as much as possible.

"There'll be blood, Edward."

"I can control myself."

Then he pushed in – and so did my fingernails.

We fucked that night. He made me his with every cold touch, wiping out memories of my former life and what had once been, making way for the new path that my life was going to take. Every inch of me was ice, consumed by his fiery coldness.

Not two but one; forever.


	19. Chapter 19

I woke up, and Edward wasn't there. I didn't really want to hang around in a house full of unfriendly immortals, and who knew when Edward would be back. So I gathered what was left of my clothes, got dressed, and left the house. Nobody seemed to be there to stop me as I started to walk towards my own home.

Once I was home, I showered, thinking about the night before. It hadn't been too bad; in fact I had enjoyed myself immensely. I thought about what Edward said about vampires needing an invitation to get inside a house and I was glad; I didn't want Rosalie stopping by while I was naked and defenseless in my shower.

I was reading a book in my room when the phone rang. Charlie wasn't home so I answered it, my voice tired from the night before.

"Hello?"

"Bella?"

"Oh hey Angela." I recognized the sweet tone of my friend's voice. "What's up?"

"Uh, well, I was wondering if you'd like to come over to my house. A few people from school are just hanging out here for a few hours, just to spend some time together. And we haven't really spoken to you in awhile, so I thought maybe you'd like to come?"

I thought about it.

"Sure, I'll come. What time? Do I need to bring anything"

I listened as Angela rattled out the details, then thanked her and hung up quickly. I had to make myself look decent to see my old friends.

Two hours later I was sitting with Angela, Jessica, Lauren, Eric and Tyler. Everyone welcomed me, saying how much they had missed me with sincere enthusiasm. Even Lauren was happy to see me. Ben was missing; when I asked where he was everyone started to cry. Angela explained to me in a shaking voice that he had been missing for two weeks.

Shit. I wondered silently which Cullen had killed him.

I was pulled into quite a few hugs with Angela and Jessica. They seemed to be more emotional than ever, although I hadn't spoken to them in months. But it was good for them to have each other, and I sincerely hoped none of them would venture outside their house anytime soon.

When most people had left I took Angela aside, speaking to her in a low voice. "Thanks for inviting me Angela. It helped a lot."

"I hope Edward's treating you well," she grinned. "Anyone can see he's infatuated with you."

"I'm sorry about not sitting with you anymore," I apologized profusely. "I just…couldn't."

She laid a hand on my shoulder. "I understand. Bella…there's a bonfire tonight on the reservation. Maybe I'll see you there?"

I thought about it. It certainly wouldn't hurt; I could have a chance to say a proper goodbye to all my friends. And I would see Jake. I could apologize to him.

"I'll be there," I said firmly, my mind made up. "What time?"

"Around six-thirty, seven."

"Great, see you then."

She smiled and turned to walk away.

"Wait!" I called out after her. "Angela!"

She turned back to me with an curious smile.

"Angela, please stay safe, okay? Don't invite anyone into your home, and make sure you're never out at night, or near the forest. Please, make sure you do this."

She was alarmed now. "Bella, what's going on? Do you know something?"

I shook my head desperately. "Just…do as I say. Please. And tell the others. It will keep you alive."

Then I turned and walked away. I could hear Angela calling my name over my shoulder, but I refused to turn around, but hoping she would do as I said.

When I got outside Edward was leaning motionlessly against Angela's fence. I looked around and spotted his Mercedes, which was parked about twenty feet away. I hurried to him, looking up at him questionably.

"How'd you know I was here?"

"I went to your house and tracked your scent to here."

I regarded him incredulously. "I have a_ scent_?"

"Sure you do. Every human has a different smell to us, so we can hunt you more easily." He flashed his teeth in a winning smile.

I shook my head. "You are a piece of work."

"But you love me."

I couldn't deny that so I started walking towards his car. He followed me silently.

Suddenly I swung around, struck with a thought. "You didn't come in because you weren't invited, were you? I bet that annoyed you."

He chuckled. "It did, yes. I wanted to see you. But then again, I liked hanging around outside and listening in on your conversation. By the way, why did you warn Angela to stay inside?"

"I thought it could help her. Doesn't it?"

He shrugged. "As long as she doesn't invite anyone in…but you know, humans are easily susceptible to our persuasion. We can hypnotize them with our eyes, making them do our bidding, making them our puppets, basically. We can make humans feel nothing, or we can make them feel everything."

"So basically, not being invited in doesn't really stop a vampire, because they can use mind control on them?"

"Precisely."

I huffed and started to walk again. "Then how are humans ever supposed to have a chance?"

"They don't, really."

I shook my head, annoyed. But then another thought took me over. "I'm going to the reservation bonfire tonight."

His face was a picture of fury. "I heard."

We regarded each other silently for a few moments. He was the first to break the silence. "You know he'll be there."

I nodded. "I have to apologize. And say goodbye."

He mulled this over. "It will be an adequate goodbye, I suppose." 

We had reached his Mercedes now, and we got inside wordlessly. Once he had turned the engine and heater on, I turned to him. "Is there ever such a thing?"

He shrugged, not bothering to give a verbal answer. "You'll have to say goodbye to your father. I hope you can make that adequate."

"I know. I just…don't know how."

His cold hand encased mine. "You have the strength," he said reassuringly. "I know you do. You just have to find the words."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," I admitted, and he nodded. He faced the windshield. "Where are we going?" he asked nonchalantly.

"I want to go back to your house," I admitted. I loved his home; I felt secure there. It felt like my home too. He nodded then reversed onto the street. The drive only took him about 20 minutes.

"No one will bother you today," he threw over his shoulder as we were walking to the front door.

"I want to talk to the others today."

He stopped and looked at me. "You want to socialize with my family?"

I grinned and passed him, sailing into the foyer ahead of him. "Yes, I do."

"Why?" He was in front of me before I could blink, an iron arm barring me from moving.

"Because if I'm going to be spending forever with them, I have to get to know them," I explained reasonably.

He considered this. After an age, he said edgily, "I understand that, Bella. But the thing is, they may not want to socialize with you while you're still human."

"Why not?" I threw my hands up in an exclamation.

He frowned at me. "Bella, you're our food. I mean, not you, specifically, but your kind. Humans. You're our food source. No vampire looks at their food as an equal. They…look down on you."

I took a step back. This idea had not presented itself to me. I thought the Cullens were standoffish because they didn't know me. I had never considered their isolation stemmed from arrogance.

I squared my shoulders, well aware Edward was watching my reaction. "Well, it doesn't matter," I declared. "I can win them over."

"I have every confidence you will, but, Bella…be careful."

I frowned at him. "You'll be right there with me."

He shook his head. "I can't guarantee I'll be able to stop one of them if they decide to verbally castrate you."

"It's not the verbal I'm worried about."

His scowl deepened. "You know they won't touch you."

"Then there's nothing to talk about, is there?" I smirked at him triumphantly.

"You're impossible, Bella."

"You love me." I threw his earlier words back at him. He just laughed and shook his head slightly.

"You're lucky I do. If I didn't, you most likely would be dead by now."

I watched him in silence for a few seconds, wondering what he would do. Finally, with a sigh, he offered me his arm and walked me past the foyer, down the extra long corridor to a room I had not been in before, and presumed was the living area.

All six of them were standing there, watching us silently. Alice smiled slightly, but the others remained staring neutrally.

"Bella wanted to get to know all of you better. I suggest you do so, considering soon she will be one of us, living with us forever."

"What if we don't want to know her?" This came from Rosalie.

Edward glared at her. The air bristled with dominant power and electricity. "Too bad."

The whole family watched them standoff with rapt attention, staring in fascination at them; as if at any moment the ticking time bomb in the room would go off.

Rosalie tossed her blond mane defiantly. "I don't want to even look at your little slut, let alone make nice with her."

There was an audible intake of breath from everyone in the room. The vampires didn't even need to breathe but they gasped anyway; their sharp eyes switching to Edward to see what he would do.

Edward wasted no time; in a blur of motion he was across the room and backhanded Rosalie across the face. "Don't you ever talk about her like that," he snarled, his white hand still raised threateningly.

Rosalie didn't cower before his rage, however; instead she stood taller than before, looking at him arrogantly. "It's the truth and you know it. You didn't think we heard her last night? Moaning and panting like a common whore."

Everyone was still, even me. I couldn't believe no one was stepping in.

Edward hit her again, the sound of a crack of thunder echoing around the room. This time, however, she didn't stand there and take it. Instead, she hissed, moving into a crouch position. He did the same, mirroring her position. They both watched each other, ready to leap at a moment's notice. The only question was who would set off the bomb first.

"She's a dirty slut." Rosalie's lips uttered the declaration of war.

Immediately Edward was on her. He roared with anger; the sound making the chandelier high above us rattle and shake. I could hear the diamonds clinking against each other, even over the cacophony of noise that was occurring at our level.

I watched in fascination as Edward and Rosalie danced; their ghostlike bodies striking and dodging each other as they tried to cause damage to the other. It was like watching art: seeing how Edward lunged for Rosalie, and she would deftly slide under his arm, just out of his reach. It was like a beautifully choreographed dance, occasionally companied by a furious hiss or growl, or even the audible snapping of rock hard teeth as they tried to sink their fangs into each other.

Someone pulled me back, out of the way of potential injury. I looked up and it was Emmett. He lifted me over his shoulder silently and rushed me through the warren again, leading me to another room. The dining room. Alice, Carlisle and Esme were already there. He set me down next to them, still not saying a word.

"Where's-"

Alice answered my question before I had asked. "Jasper's trying to stop Edward and Rosalie from killing each other.

I nodded awkwardly. An image of a snarling panther found it's way unbidden into my head. "Do they always…fight…like that?"

Esme chimed in with a laugh. "Sometimes. Rosalie is really the only one who gets under his skin, though. She knows exactly which button to push. Those two are basically the same though; they're like two halves of a whole."

A rush of jealousy flooded through my stomach at Esme's words.

That was exactly why Rosalie's hatred bothered me the most. She was the one I wanted to know most because she was the closest to Edward's heart, the closest to resembling Edward. She was the most important member of the family, the one who I absolutely had to bond with.

Her naked fury directed at me tore at my heart because of this.

"I wish she didn't hate me," I said miserably.

Emmett joined in the conversation this time. They all seemed determined to make an effort to bond with me after Edward's announcement. "Don't worry, Bella. She'll get better after you're a vampire. We all will. It's just hard to talk with you while you're a human," he said apologetically.

I nodded, still a bit miffed about that. "Edward explained to me." 

"Ah." He didn't look surprised. Suddenly, remnants of a familiar song filtered through the room, sung by a hauntingly familiar voice.

"_Don't leave me here_

_To pass through time_

_Without a map or a road sign_

_Don't leave me here my guiding light_

_Coz I, I wouldn't know where to begin_

_I asked the kings of medicine_

_They're picking up pieces of me while their picking up pieces of you._

_Lying on ice you will be before the day is over."_

I smiled and turned to face Edward, framed in the doorway. He was grinning at me, the meaning behind the song lost on everyone but us.

He still remembered the first day.

"_So case in point baby _

_That you never thought it through_

_Stupid me to believe I could depend on stupid you_

_And on the tip of my tongue_

_Were words that always came out wrong_

_Coz they were drowned in southern comfort_

_And left to dry out in the sun_

_The noon day sun."_

I sung it right back to me, grinning.

"What are you guys singing?" Alice and Emmett asked at the same time, both mystified. I was the one to answer, my eyes locked on Edward.

"Kings of Medicine, by Placebo."

"I've never heard it."

Edward laughed. "It's a private joke, Emmett."

We kept the eye contact a little longer, just savouring the feeling of having a tangible moment that marked the beginning of our relationship. But soon enough, the feeling of despair crept over me again. "Where's Rosalie?" I asked.

Edward stiffened. "She went to hunt."

"Oh. Do you think she'll choose one of my friends? By the way, who killed Ben?"

Edward's movement caught my eye. "I did."

I nodded. "Did you snap his neck first?"

He looked at me unashamedly. "No."

I nodded again, processing this. Ben was screaming as Edward drank from him. "Okay."

The other vampires in the room watched me with silent fascination. I could tell they were wondering why I was so calm about this. I didn't really understand where their curiosity came from, considering nearly all of them chose this life.

Esme finally spoke. "Bella, I'd like to tell you my story, if I could."

I nodded, ready to listen. Edward was at my side in an instant, kissing me. He whispered against my lips "We'll be back when she finishes."

I craned to look up at him. "You're not staying?"

Half of his mouth twisted up. "Esme would prefer we didn't. It's kind of a private story, you see."

I nodded in understanding. "Okay. I'll see you soon."

A cold wind and they were all gone, leaving Esme and me alone. She nodded towards two armchairs near a roaring fireplace, indicating we should sit there. We sat, and I enjoyed the warmth, watching the licking flames as I waited for her to start her story.

"I was born in 1899 at the turn of the century. Things were changing; more and more discoveries and inventions were being had in the USA. It was a world of change, and I was right in the thick of it.

My life didn't really start until I was seventeen, however. When I was seventeen, I was still very young and naïve, inexperienced to the ways of the world. I met a man named Charles Platt.

He was a gentleman. He was tall, black haired, with green eyes that seemed to always have a twinkle in them. He took a fascination to me quite quickly, and courted me relentlessly. My parents were quite pleased."

Esme's eyes had taken on a faraway quality as she recounted her story.

"Our romance was a whirlwind one. We found we got on very well, had the same ideas and views, and best of all he had a respect for me which I found refreshing. I respected him as well; he was kind, courteous, and gentle. He was the type of man who looked out for his family and friends.

Soon I found myself being proposed to, and I accepted his hand in marriage. I knew I would never find anyone else who treated me the way Charles did.

The engagement was quick; in every way it was the Disney movie I had always dreamed about. I was getting the white picket fence; two healthy children; and a handsome man who loved and cherished me.

Everything was perfect on the wedding day; it was all I ever wanted. Our happiness spilled over into the few months after the wedding, and to my delight, I found myself pregnant.

The dream was finally coming true. I would soon have a baby to love and nurture. Charles was happy beyond belief.

But something had to go wrong. Six months into the pregnancy, I lost the baby. Had a miscarriage. It was awful, I can tell you. I was wondering what was wrong with me, and although Charles and my parents said nothing, I knew they were thinking the same thing. But Charles assured me it was fine, that these things happened. I was somehow able to carry on my life and enjoy being married.

Soon after, I was pregnant again. This time, I hoped and prayed everything would be fine with the baby, with me – I found myself on my knees every day, pleading to God that he or she would live, would be a healthy baby, and I would finally have a child of my own."

Here Esme paused, her eyes lost in the dark memories of the past. I watched her, not willing to push but deathly curious to hear what had happened to her second baby.

"Born dead. I was heaving and pushing with the normal labor procedures, and when my baby slipped out…no crying. I was instantly aware that something was wrong, not only because my baby didn't cry, but because of the looks on the midwives' faces. They looked aghast, as if they didn't know what to say. And then I knew. I asked to hold the baby – turns out it would've been a boy. I would have called him Henry.

After that, depression overtook me. I knew for sure, then, that there was something wrong with me – how else could I have two babies that both died? I was convinced of it, and so was Charles.

He tried to hide it at first, but he slipped. I could see the resentment in his eyes; hear the disgust in his voice. Soon, every time we talked was underlined by his unspoken accusation. I had killed his son, his unborn child, for the second time.

I couldn't stand it. My depression got worse, and so did the situation at home. Charles didn't know how to handle me, and though he tried to hide his own problems for my sake, eventually they leaked out. He hit me for the first time. He apologized immediately, of course. He was horrified with himself, hated himself for weeks, though I tried to tell him that it was okay, that it was tension just trying to find an outlet. But eventually, he did it again. And again, and again, and again. Soon, I was being hit a few times a week. It was my fault for our son dying, he told me. If it wasn't for me, he would have two beautiful children by now.

I just fell deeper into the hole as a result, and his resentment built up more because of that, and so he hit me. It was a vicious cycle. I didn't know how to escape it. My parents saw the bruises and they blamed me, they said I must be provoking Charles into doing it. And when I explained why, they took that as a sure sign that it was my fault.I was all alone; I had no friends, no family, no one on my side.

I had no hope, much like I can see that you don't either.

This went on for about two years, until I was nineteen. I was growing weaker, Charles's influence over me was growing stronger. Until finally, I was abused so hard that I ended up in hospital. He had broken two of my ribs.

My doctor was Carlisle. He was a vampire then, and he immediately knew what was going on. Over the next few months, he kept a close eye on me, slowly inserting himself into my life. I didn't know it, but I was his mate, and he was determined to change me.

Finally, he approached me, telling me everything about him, even the vampirism. I loved him; of course, even I couldn't fight the attraction. I accepted it, much like you have, and I was changed.

My death was faked, of course. The official story was that my car went over a cliff and the engine exploded, which explained why my body was never found. Charles mourned; he realized that he was repentant for everything he did to me. It was a suicide.

I went on to marry Carlisle, and we lived a life together, eventually meeting up with the others, which leads us to where we are now."

Esme finished her story and looked at me, waiting for some kind of reaction. She didn't have to wait long. My eyes filled up with tears at the horrible things she had been forced to endure, and even worse, the tone she had delivered it in. I think the impassioned voice was worse than if she had told it emotionally.

"God, Esme, that's awful," I gasped.

She nodded. "It is. And the worst bit, I didn't realize how bad it was until Carlisle told me after."

I shook my head. "You went through so much…I don't understand…How could you stand that? The man you were married to…doing that to you…how…?"

"I understood," she said gently. "Charles wasn't an evil man, he was just regretful, lost and in mourning. He had lost two babies, and he couldn't handle the grief. I've forgiven him, Carlisle has forgiven him. Don't judge him, Bella. People do crazy things about the people they love."

I looked at her, seeing her in new eyes. Esme possessed a level of maturity and wisdom that I only dreamed about having. I couldn't believe how forgiving she was; for a vampire, she certainly was humane.

"I don't like that you lost hope, Bella," she stated, looking at me seriously. "That was the point of telling you my story. I can see you're resigned to this, but you don't have to be. You can walk away. I need you to know that, because I never did. I am one of the most understanding people, Bella, but even I do not understand how you can handle this with no regrets and no repulse. How do you do it? Even I have regrets sometimes; even though I love Carlisle, even though I would never go back, sometimes I wish I was still human."

"You asked me how I can handle this. Acceptance. And…knowledge. And loss of hope."

She nodded. "I know. But I could never understand how people lose hope."

I shrugged. "I had to. Otherwise I couldn't have been with Edward. I'd give up anything for him."

"You literally did."

"I had to. The other choice was to walk away, and I couldn't do that. Never."

She regarded me with something akin to pity. "You're a smart girl, Bella," she said finally. "You understand that you can walk away, but you choose not to. I see I didn't understand you before. I'm sorry, but I rather thought you were a foolish girl, much like I was, blind to the ways of the world. But you're not. You're much wiser than I was at your age."

"Thank you."

She passed me, heading towards the door. Just before she left, she said over her shoulder, almost as an afterthought

"You'll be an excellent addition to our family."


	20. Chapter 20

"Esme thinks I'm brave," I told Edward when he appeared.

He moved to me, sweeping aside my long brown hair to kiss my neck. "You are."

I turned in his arms. "You think so?"

"I do. You wouldn't be able to be with me otherwise." His eyes smoldered. "I also think you shouldn't go tonight."

I reached up and kissed him lightly. "Forget it," I whispered. "I can still be friends with him…while I'm human, at least."

Edward sighed. "As long as he doesn't come to the house. You can go there. I won't have my place of residence sullied by that dog, and I don't think the others will take kindly to it either."

"I wouldn't have it any other way," I promised. "But can you drive me home? I have to shower and get some clean clothes."

"You can shower here," he said suggestively.

I laughed. "No, I can't, because I don't have clean clothes. And I also need deodorant. And perfume. And makeup."

"You need makeup to go see Jacob Black?"

"I guess I can hold on the makeup?"

Glorious eyes stared at me. "You better." There was blackness about his words.

I simply smiled, enjoying the possessiveness. It was worlds away from when Jacob had tried to be possessive. Now, instead of being annoyed, I was enjoying it.

"How long will you be gone?" he asked.

"Not long. Maybe a couple of hours. Oh, that reminds me. Do you own a Polaroid? You know the ones with the photos that slide out and only take a couple of seconds to develop?"

He disappeared, and a second later was back, holding an ordinary black Polaroid camera. He handed it to me without a word. He understood what it was for.

"Thanks." I pulled him down by the collar of his shirt and kissed him as forcefully as I could. It was a kiss filled with signals. It told him that I had chosen him and I wouldn't leave him, relieving the fears I knew he harbored but would never voice. I could feel him relax under me.

I pulled back and smiled at him. He just watched me grab my bag and we left silently.

The bonfire was already raging when Edward dropped me at First Beach. People milled around the fire, talking and laughing and holding red cups and cans and bottles of alcohol.

I spotted Angela almost immediately and headed over to her. "Hey," I said when I reached her. "Am I late?"

"Oh, Bella! I'm so glad you made it," she said, hugging me. I hugged her back with feeling. "No, it's just barely started."

I nodded. "I hope tonight is fun," I said, searching the crowds for a familiar teenager with russet skin and raven hair.

"Don't worry, it will be. I think everyone just wants to party and forget that we could be killed next," she said, laughing without humor. "Drink?" She offered me a bourbon and coke.

"Thanks." I accepted the drink, only taking a couple of sips before lowering it to my side. I noticed that Angela seemed more than a little tipsy; one of the many who were drowning their sad memories in alcohol.

"No problem. Hey, have you seen Jessica or Lauren? They were supposed to be here by now," she said with a frown, checking her watch.

I shook my head. "Haven't seen them. They could be lost in the crowd, though." I gestured towards the massive throng of people, all drinking, dancing, laughing and generally having a good time.

Angela nodded. "Maybe. I think I'll go look for them, just in case."

"Oh, hey, Angela, before you go…" I rummaged through my bag for the camera, pulling it out with a flourish. "Do you mind?"

"Of course not." She stepped up next to me, and I angled the camera so our two smiling faces were in the frame. I made sure she was ready before I clicked the button. Luckily there was no flash.

I pulled the camera towards us and waited for the photo to develop, shaking it a few times. Finally it did. The faces of Angela and I grinned back at me. It was a relatively good photo.

I took a few more for good measure, waiting until they were developed before handing two to her, keeping a couple for myself. "Here. Now you can always remember me." I smiled weakly.

She looked at me in confusion. "Bella, we still have a few weeks left of school. Plus, we're going to the same college. You're still set on Dartmouth, right?"

I had to lie to her. "Yeah. Yeah, I am."

She chuckled and pulled me into another hug. "Don't go morbid on me now, Bella. You're acting like I'll never see you again."

That silent truth lingered in the air. Luckily, she didn't seem to pick it up. Instead she smiled and bounded away, slightly lopsidedly, evidently in search of Lauren and Jessica.

I turned and walked away also, tucking the camera and the Polaroid's safely in my bag,

I wandered for a few minutes, saying hi – or in my mind, goodbye – to people I knew from high school and the reservation. I spotted a few familiar faces; I could see Leah glowering at some man from across the fire, and I saw Embry chatting with Quil and – my stomach turned – Jake.

He had grown so much bigger. He had chopped his hair into a short buzz cut, and his eyes looked black and hard. He also had a tattoo, I noticed – a full moon. I guess it was symbolic.

Suddenly he turned and spotted me. My eyes grew wide and nervous, and I almost made to duck away, but it was too late. His face had lit up when he saw me and he immediately turned away from his friends and started to thread his way towards where I stood.

"Bella!" He exclaimed before he even got to me. He hesitated for half a second, then swept me up in a tentative bear hug. I didn't resist his familiar arms and woodsy smell.

"How have you been?"

"Good, good," I confessed, looking up at him. "And you?" I didn't want to get into the big and emotional issues here, in front of everybody.

He shrugged. "Better now that you're here." He grinned, and I could see it was the truth. His whole demeanor had changed since he had started talking to me. He stood taller, the hard look was gone from his eyes, and a big smile graced his face.

My smile was slightly strained but happy. He pulled back to look at me, concerned. One think I loved about Jake was his ability to forgive instantly without holding a grudge. I looked at him and I could see the ghost of the friend he had once been, forever ago.

"Is everything okay?" he asked, his forehead creasing.

"Yeah," I managed to grin for him, my voice light and easygoing. "I just want to go for a walk. We can chat."

He nodded. "Sure, we can do that."

He started to move away from the campfire, towards the woods, and I followed him, my eyes on his broad back so as not to lose him.

Instantly another russet figure was in front of me, blocking my vision, but this was a more womanly figure.

Leah.

"I see you've come to your senses finally," she sneered. I hated that nose ring. "Bet you got sick of those bloodsuckers, huh?" her voice was raspy and bitter.

I kept my face neutral, but let a bit of confusion thicken my voice. "I don't know what you mean?"

I didn't want to let them know that I knew. Jake, maybe, but definitely not the others.

She stepped up real close to me, her odorous breath hitting my face. I winced away, disgusted. "I think it would be better if you stayed with them," she spat in contempt. "It would be better if you died."

She started shaking with rage, glaring at me as she trembled. Everything about her body radiated contempt. I flinched, becoming frightened.

Then Jake and two other Quileute boys were there, pulling her back, away from me in the other direction. Jake stayed with me, and we both turned to watch as the other teenagers dragged her away, one boy holding each arm. She wasn't struggling though, which surprised me. She simply had her head resting against one of the Quileute's biceps.

"Sorry about that," Jake said apologetically. "Leah goes overboard sometimes."

"It's fine, it's fine." I attempted a smile to convince him but it came out more like a grimace. "Let's just go."

He led the way again towards the forest, gripping my arm this time and keeping me steady. This was good, because I was still a bit shaken by Leah's vehement words, as I had been the first time I met her.

Her accusations swirled around in my head, making me nervous. I didn't realize Leah was allowed to utter secrets in the presence of someone who was neither a Quileute nor a vampire. Perhaps the rules were more relaxed than I had originally thought. Or perhaps the Quileutes realized I already knew the truth about vampires and werewolves, I thought. Maybe they understood I was privy to every secret of Edward's and thus they didn't have to pretend around me. Or it could be that Leah was just a loose cannon; doing and saying whatever she wanted. The latter theory seemed the most likely, I had to admit.

Whatever theory, it was puzzling. They hadn't attempted any damage control, or anything to stop me from knowing the truth. But perhaps they were leaving that up to Jacob, I thought as I peered through the gloom of the dark forest at his back.

Without warning we were suddenly in a clearing, a recently fallen tree creating a spot to sit on. It was dewy and wet; I laid my parka down where I would make contact with the trunk. Jacob sat too, sitting next to me. The ferns we had waded through to get to this spot stood high above our heads now that we were sitting. I knew someone could walk by on the path three feet away and not see me.

Green surrounded us; the trees, the ferns, the plants, even the moss on the trunk I was sitting on was green. In our silence, I could hear birds squawking and making nose, as well as the quiet rush of the river in the background. We must not be far away from it.

The movement of Jacob shifting impatiently caught my eye. He got up and started pacing the small clearing. I eyed him in silence.

"What did you want to talk about, Bella?" The words were loud and shocking in the quiet air. I cringed back, unsettled. I heard birds rustle in the trees above us, startled by the noise, and then take flight, their wings audibly flapping. Jake cringed, running his hand over his face. His next words were a lot quieter, fitting in with the scenery.

"Why aren't you talking? We have so much to talk about."

"I was waiting for you," I confessed. "I didn't know how to start."

"Neither do I," he admitted. "It's been too long."

There was an awkward silence that stretched on for too long; both of us racking our brains, trying to think of something, _anything,_ to say. I stood up too, just for something to do.

He scratched his head. "Fuck it," he muttered. "This shouldn't be awkward."

He came to me then, gazing intently into my eyes. I looked straight back at him, confused as to what he was doing. He continued to stare forcefully into my eyes. It was almost like he was forcing himself to stare at me.

Finally something seemed to happen. His eyes lightened, his expression changed – to one of wonder. His mouth slowly stretched into a wondrous smile. His posture straightened, and in an instant his whole body was radiating joy and happiness, a far cry from two seconds before.

Things changed for me, too. I could feel a pull, like an invisible rope, trying to pull me towards Jacob. It wasn't a heavy pull, only a light one, but it was there nonetheless. The pull didn't feel bad – rather, it was hot and comforting, telling me that Jacob was the right way to go.

I resisted the pull.

It wasn't that the pull was wrong, or scary to me. I knew in every pore of my body that the force that was tying me to Jacob with a thousand invisible strings was only a good force, only a positive force. It was nothing like that.

But there was something stronger.

A colder, harder pull this time; a steel cable, dragging my mind, heart and body in the other direction, a million miles away, up the road back to Forks. This one was painful; my heart ached, my body was heavy, weak. I could tell this was wrong, unnatural, even though my heart pounded towards it.

Jacob's smile slowly faded and turned to confusion. I knew he could feel the wavering hesitancy in my body instead of the immediate conformity he had expected.

I was stuck in the middle, stuck between two pulls, both trying to tempt me in a separate direction. I could feel myself being tugged in two different places – one icy, one red hot.

My eyes were on Jake. He was no longer confused; he understood what was going on, understood that there was a force, a separate force from his controlling me, pulling me away from him. Murderous rage overtook his face as he grasped the situation.

But the steel cable was gaining ground. My heart, mind and soul were slowly but surely being pulled in that direction. I was helpless against the tide.

It was simply stronger.

It was making me weak, tired. I felt like my limbs were jelly, like I didn't have control of them anymore. I started to shake, unstable on my own two legs. Jacob grabbed the tops of my arms, too hard. He was going to leave a bruise, I thought dizzily. But at least he was supporting me.

"Dammit, Bella!" Jacob roared. "I can feel you resisting! You're pulling away! Accept it, goddammit!"

"I can't," I replied weakly. "There's…something stronger."

Disbelief flashed over his face instantly. "That's not possible," he gasped. "Imprinting is the strongest bond there is." He let go of me, and I stumbled back, but managed to find purchase against a tree.

"Is that what this is? 'Imprinting'? What is that, Jake?"

He strode away from me, his back hunched over, his large hands grabbing his hair. "Can't be possible…can't be possible…can't be possible," he muttered over and over.

"Jake? What can't be possible? What does imprinting mean?"

He whirled around, his eyes dark with rage. Around us, rain started to fall, soaking through his hair and clothes, as well as mine. "Imprinting is…it's everything! Tell me, Bella, what is there that's stronger than this? Huh? What could there possibly be in this world that's stronger than what you and I have?"

I blinked, looked up at the darkening clouds. Thunder was on it's way.

I didn't need to say anything. The implicating truth hung there between us in the heavy air.

"NO!" Jacob roared, pounding against a tree in his haste. A resounding crack echoed through the moist air and I flinched, frightened by his show of angry power.

"What draws you to him, Bella? What has he got that I doesn't? What is it? Tell me, coz I'm really interested to know!"

I shook my head blindly. Jake was suddenly in my face, bearing down on me, my eyes level with his chest. He grabbed my chin, forcing me to look up at him, exposing me to the heavy raindrops.

What have I done? I thought with a hint of regret. This was not the Jacob I knew. That I had realized almost instantaneously. This Jake was harder, stronger, and quicker to rage than the one I knew.

The way this conversation was going wasn't helping things either.

"Jake, Jake, calm down. This isn't what you want. We can talk about this rationally…" I could see I was losing him.

He was practically frothing at the mouth. "How do you expect to have any life with him, Bella? Hmm? Why turn your back on something like what I can offer you for a half-life with him? You'll be human while he is forever young! Never aging, never changing. He won't grow old with you…you do know what he is, don't you?"

I nodded. "Of course I know. I wouldn't love him if I didn't."

"So you love him because he's a monster? That's a turn up for the books," Jake's voice was tinged with irony. "You left me, a normal human – then – to love a vampire? Did you know what he was then?"

"No. Jake, I'm so sorry - I didn't mean to do this to you."

He nodded furiously, sifting it through his mind. "That's fine, that's fine. If you thought he was like you, that's fine. Hell, I did too. That's the only reason I didn't go after him and kill him."

I remained silent.

"But back to my earlier point – how do you plan on having a life with him? You're human, he's immortal. It can't work," Jake hissed in my face triumphantly.

The silence said everything.

He stared at me, his hair matted over his forehead. He was beyond words this time, unable to accept what I was telling him. He simply gazed, his mouth open like a fish.

"No," he said slowly. "No. I…won't let you."

"It's not your choice," I said steadily. "I want it."

His eyes were full of disbelief and anger. "You…can't. You can't want _death_."

"It's not death; it's life."

He turned sharply away from me, his whole frame shaking. He stared into the direction of the distant river, silent. He started to shake heavily, his muscles flexing over and over. I heard him breathing heavily, as though he was running a race. I stared at him in concern; what was wrong with him?

"Jake? Jake, are you okay?"

No answer.

"Jake, please don't do this. I came…I came to say goodbye. I don't want to part on bad terms."

That was the sentence that set him off.

He let out a frighteningly animalistic roar, turned to look at me, and started to shiver uncontrollably. This was worse than before – the expressions passing on his face sent chills down my spine.

I instinctively knew I was in trouble. The Jake I knew was gone forever. I started backing away, hoping I could make it before he attacked.

Then I hit a log as I was trying to get away, and I tripped over it, landing on my back. I looked up at Jacob's shadow as he loomed over me.

I was terrified – a frightening scream was building in my throat, and I hoped that I could scream loud enough to alert people at the bonfire. But somehow I knew they still wouldn't reach me in time.

I heard the most awful ripping and growling noise. I shut my eyes, hoping to block it out, but when I looked up there was a wolf standing before me.

A wolf the size of a horse. Even in my frantic state I spotted glinting teeth that were as sharp as knives and looked like they could tear you apart. His legs were thick like tree trunks, his paws the size of my head. His shoulders were broad, making him look more intimidating. But the most frightening aspect of the wolf was the ferocious look in his eyes, the way he was snapping his massive jaws menacingly every few seconds.

He padded slowly towards me, which was somehow scarier than an outright attack. I watched, horrified, as he bared his dagger-like teeth, growling lowly as he advanced. I knew those teeth would be plunging into my skin in a few seconds.

I had pushed him over the edge.

I shut my eyes tightly, not wanting to see what was coming. I heard more padding, the cracking of branches and twigs, more menacing growls, and the sound of heavy, running feet.

I knew Jacob was coming at me, ready to kill, ready to tear me apart with his knives for teeth. I braced myself for the impact. I knew it would hurt, but took comfort in the fact that I knew it would all be over in a few, blissful seconds. I wouldn't feel pain after I was dead.

_Edward, I love you._


End file.
